Fuck it we ball I Think idk
I thought about hanging myself today and for a good 5 seconds for the first time in a long long time I felt so alive and felt free. I've been depressed for over 2 years now and never felt this way. I told myself I'd never do it but I've hoped it would naturally for so long now. I lost control of my car at the start of the year and I knew during and after that if my friend wouldn't have been with me I wouldn't have saved it. Couldn't think of anything worse than taking someone down with me. I've lost so much weight and cant sleep. I've been sober for 3 days and started dreaming again. Id rather not. I usually only feel this way at night so I just ignored it and told myself not to listen to myself past 8 but the last 2-3 weeks ive been feeling this way earlier and earlier in the day.