My friend (20F) and I (23F) are in Rome 8 days and going further to Madrid for 8 days. The first night we went clubbing and she got pretty drunk (I did too but sobered up a little at the end) Around 4:30 AM we ended up in a sketchy and unsafe area in Termini, and while I was trying to get us home safely, she kept insisting she wasn’t drunk, wanted to keep partying even when everything was closed, refused water, and basically left all the responsibility to me. When I got irritated because she wasn’t cooperating and told her I felt like I was handling everything alone, she went completely silent the whole night.

(I also talked about being mindful and working together with getting us home before we went out drinking)

The day after I brought it up that it was stressful for me when I had to get us home safely and she didn’t cooperate at all. She was just silent, didn’t say or give anything back, said ‘mhm, and never brought it up again. But she wants to go back to a lesbian bar and drink?

We’ve only been here for 3 full days so far: Every morning she’s bubbly, excited, and having fun. Then after a few hours in the city she suddenly becomes quiet, withdrawn, moody, glued to her phone, and gives one-word answers.

The problem is she won’t communicate.
If I ask:
• “Are you upset?”
• “What’s wrong?”
• “What do you want to do?”

I get:
• “Nothing. I don’t feel mad/upset.”
• “I don’t know.”
• Silence. Or attitude.

She’ll reject my suggestions but won’t come up with her own. She complains about crowds, being overstimulated, people looking at her, being afraid of big things, don’t want to take the bus- only uber/taxi etc. Why did she even want to go to Rome if she can’t handle crowds and a lot of things happening around her?

I feel like I’m constantly:
• planning everything
• navigating
• making decisions
• managing money
• trying to figure out her mood

while she just follows behind me in silence when her mood drops.

The worst part is that I didn’t come to Rome to go on a solo trip with a moody, silent person trailing behind me. I came to have fun with my friend. Also she can’t seem to do anything alone because she is anxious so I can’t just leave her and do my own thing.

I’ve tried talking about it multiple times and get absolutely nothing back except avoidance, silence, or attitude. And then it just ends with us being silent (because i give up trying to have a mature convo with her) and irritated the rest of the day, and sitting in different rooms in the Airbnb. I’m going crazy, and it’s ruining my trip.

We still have over 2 weeks left together. What do I do? How do I manage this situation.. what do I even say. I don’t know how long I can be mature about this.

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Update:

now she got drunk by herself in the livingroom without telling me and woke me up when i was sleeping even when she knows i gotta wake up early tomorrow. I tried to talk with her about what happened and what’s bothering her, but she still didn’t communicate properly. I noticed she was drunk in the middle of the convo and she jusr started yapping about one of her friends being hot. Now i’m so irritated, can’t even sleep when she is like this because she keeps moving in the bed and making noise. So I went to the couch to sleep. I’m so pissed off

And I can’t leave because i’ve payed so much for the airbnb we both live at (AND the one we will stay at in madrid.) I can’t move to another place as it will be too expensive.

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Edit:

It’s both of our first time traveling solo with a friend.
I know she has untreated mental illness, adhd and probably on the spectrum too. You could also argue for alcoholism, personality disorder… whatever, and although I feel for her, it doesn’t excuse her behaviour. I have all of the above listed and I do NOT dump all my feelings and responsibilites on my friends. I try to make the best out of things while I’m here because I want to have a good time on the trip I saved so much for.

I got held back a few years because I got severely physically sick, that’s why most of my friends are 19-21, while I’m 23 turning 24 because that’s the people who I study with. I don’t have the same life experience as a regular person my age.

Anyway, point is- we both struggle a lot mentally so I can’t take on whatever she is dealing with too. I’m already drained and exhausted. Whenever we hung out back home she was always very bubbly, kind and energetic.

Update 2:

Next day I left early in the morning to get tattooed (my first tattoo!) Originally she was gonna come with me even though she didn’t seem very excited about it even when I had booked the appointment 2 months in advance. Last week when I told her my appointment is on tuesday, she made it about herself and asked why I didn’t think about that she wanted to get pierced. They don’t even do piercings there.

Anyways, she was sleeping and I left for the tattoo studio, then I messaged her where I went. I spent the day by myself and came home about 8pm to her laying the bed with the sheets over her head. I sat in the living room, put on a movie on the tv and ate food by myself. Later she went outside to pick up food delivery she ordered, didn’t say a word, and went back into the bedroom.

It’s my birthday tomorrow too, lol. So I wonder if she’s going to keep sulking and avoiding confrontation then too. I’ve decided to let her be and just focus on enjoying my trip as much as I can.

Also, thank you to everyone who have given me advice and been so kind and helpful. It really helps me feel better and to navigate this situation. 🤍