Marriage after being widowed
Hi, so I don’t really post on reddit but i felt like i needed some advice or at least someone whose experienced what I’m experiencing. I’m F(23) and widowed (he passed two years ago). It was a love marriage and we were married for a little less than a year before he passed, and honestly after he passed i didn’t see myself moving on. But as time has gone by, and the reality of my situation has set in i realised how unrealistic my earlier beliefs of not getting remarried were. For more context the circumstances of how i got married wasn’t particularly too great, we had a simple nikkah and i felt as though his side of the family were not to welcoming of me due to their lack of excitement in our union, i mean they paid the traditional sooryo, but no women from his family visited me, it was silent from them (it also doesn’t help that i’m from a different tribe than them).
To be fair it never bothered me while he was alive because i married him because of the love i had for him, but once he passed away, i was left alone with the harsh reality that i had practically zero support during my iddah period, and barely any finances to keep my self afloat as i was grieving since it was very sudden death.
Now that some time has gone by i will be greatly honest, I want to be able to fall in love again and have a family one day. It’s not to say the love i have for him has diminished or anything but i really want to be a mother, i want to be able to have that nuclear family dynamic of my own one day. I still feel guilty that i wasn’t able to give my late husband the life we so desperately wanted together and to now want a second chance at it with someone that isn’t him just feels soo wrong.
I guess why i’m really writing this is because the thought of moving on or talking about remarriage openly feels shameful to me.