u/Extension-Diet-1696

Kept it to myself but can’t do it anymore
So its a story from 2024. I gave my 12th, it was finished, and I got a request from a boy on Snapchat. Idk why I accepted it, but yeah I did, and we talked for 4–5 hours straight with a stranger. I shared everything—my family problems, my fears, where I live—and the talk was too formal. I used words like “hanji,” everything that was on my mind, and he too did that.

The next day I received a “GOOD MORNING” message. I thought I overshared and now he is serious, so out of fear I didn’t reply. Then at night he sent me a “hii” message, and this time I replied. We talked, and I talked rudely so that he loses interest in me and makes distance. But to my surprise, he was so sweet. He asked, “Kya hua? Kiska gussa nikal rahi ho? Kisi ne kuch bola kya?” I shattered and started crying, but in my mind I had fear of my parents, like what if they found out that I am talking with a boy. So I said sorry for my behaviour and removed him from my friends, and he blocked me after that.

Yes, I waited to be unblocked, but it never happened. I was continuously feeling bad for what I did. I had no intention of giving him false hopes. I should not have accepted the request, and even if I did, I should not have shared my details. All these things started building up. I am still guilty for what I did wrong with a “sweetheart.”

And I wanted to know about him, if he was in a good state. He was an aspirant studying in Kota, so I developed more fear—what if he did something wrong to himself? Every negative thought was in my mind. I convinced myself that I would hurt him again, so I should not go back to him. But after 6 months, I made a fake Snapchat ID to stalk him, and this time I faked everything about myself—from my name to my age. I started calling him “bhaiya” so that this time I don’t give any false hopes to him, and I started sending him snaps so that I could see his snaps also.

During this process, I saw him for the first time on Snap, and he told me he was insecure about his looks. So I said to him, “Ache toh dikhte ho,” and asked for his Insta ID to see more pictures. I had another ID from which I used to ask for product links, so I followed him from there. The more I talked to him, the more attached I became. We were friends for 4 months—nothing romantic, nothing rubbish. I mostly sent him snaps of me listening to music, and we mostly talked at night. (Yup, strict parents have worse kids.) Won’t lie, I liked talking to him. Maybe I liked the attention too, idk.

One sudden day he told me that he didn’t like me calling him “bhaiya,” and that day I knew again that I did wrong. So slowly I started to backstep. After around 20 days, I deleted my Snapchat, and after that he messaged me on Insta regarding this. Then I removed him from Insta also, and I didn’t expect it, but he sent me a request. I didn’t accept it, and I sent him a request too. He never asked why I removed him. He just asked about me. (Still crying—he was the sweetest.)

Later on, on a random day of February, he started praising me. At that time, in this generation, I had less followers. He didn’t directly say that he was falling for me, but I felt it from the chats. I obviously said no indirectly, ghosted him, and later removed him. I waited for him for 1 year, but he never messaged. After that, I deleted that account also.

Every day I feel like I should have told him the reality from the very beginning rather than faking myself, because the more I thought about this, the guilt doubled. I have put myself in a situation where I can’t even say sorry to him, and that hurts the most. My chest feels heavy every day, and whatever goes wrong in my life, I take it as karma because I deserted the worst. I can’t explain how guilty I feel—watery eyes daily, chest pain, burning body, everything.

Judge me hard, no sympathy.

Kept it to myself but can’t do it anymore
So its a story from 2024. I gave my 12th, it was finished, and I got a request from a boy on Snapchat. Idk why I accepted it, but yeah I did, and we talked for 4–5 hours straight with a stranger. I shared everything—my family problems, my fears, where I live—and the talk was too formal. I used words like “hanji,” everything that was on my mind, and he too did that.

The next day I received a “GOOD MORNING” message. I thought I overshared and now he is serious, so out of fear I didn’t reply. Then at night he sent me a “hii” message, and this time I replied. We talked, and I talked rudely so that he loses interest in me and makes distance. But to my surprise, he was so sweet. He asked, “Kya hua? Kiska gussa nikal rahi ho? Kisi ne kuch bola kya?” I shattered and started crying, but in my mind I had fear of my parents, like what if they found out that I am talking with a boy. So I said sorry for my behaviour and removed him from my friends, and he blocked me after that.

Yes, I waited to be unblocked, but it never happened. I was continuously feeling bad for what I did. I had no intention of giving him false hopes. I should not have accepted the request, and even if I did, I should not have shared my details. All these things started building up. I am still guilty for what I did wrong with a “sweetheart.”

And I wanted to know about him, if he was in a good state. He was an aspirant studying in Kota, so I developed more fear—what if he did something wrong to himself? Every negative thought was in my mind. I convinced myself that I would hurt him again, so I should not go back to him. But after 6 months, I made a fake Snapchat ID to stalk him, and this time I faked everything about myself—from my name to my age. I started calling him “bhaiya” so that this time I don’t give any false hopes to him, and I started sending him snaps so that I could see his snaps also.

During this process, I saw him for the first time on Snap, and he told me he was insecure about his looks. So I said to him, “Ache toh dikhte ho,” and asked for his Insta ID to see more pictures. I had another ID from which I used to ask for product links, so I followed him from there. The more I talked to him, the more attached I became. We were friends for 4 months—nothing romantic, nothing rubbish. I mostly sent him snaps of me listening to music, and we mostly talked at night. (Yup, strict parents have worse kids.) Won’t lie, I liked talking to him. Maybe I liked the attention too, idk.

One sudden day he told me that he didn’t like me calling him “bhaiya,” and that day I knew again that I did wrong. So slowly I started to backstep. After around 20 days, I deleted my Snapchat, and after that he messaged me on Insta regarding this. Then I removed him from Insta also, and I didn’t expect it, but he sent me a request. I didn’t accept it, and I sent him a request too. He never asked why I removed him. He just asked about me. (Still crying—he was the sweetest.)

Later on, on a random day of February, he started praising me. At that time, in this generation, I had less followers. He didn’t directly say that he was falling for me, but I felt it from the chats. I obviously said no indirectly, ghosted him, and later removed him. I waited for him for 1 year, but he never messaged. After that, I deleted that account also.

Every day I feel like I should have told him the reality from the very beginning rather than faking myself, because the more I thought about this, the guilt doubled. I have put myself in a situation where I can’t even say sorry to him, and that hurts the most. My chest feels heavy every day, and whatever goes wrong in my life, I take it as karma because I deserted the worst. I can’t explain how guilty I feel—watery eyes daily, chest pain, burning body, everything.

Judge me hard, no sympathy.