i need help asap with jealously
TLDR : i cant contorl my jealousy , i think i might be toxic and i don’t know what to do anymore is it possible to change??
i 26F and my boyfriend 29M have been together for just over a year, we have been living together for about a year now. we’re just like each other and i love this man with all my heart, he’s great to me, understands my axiety etc and try’s to do what he can to help.
about a month after we got together i began feeling extremely jelous, he’s a GORGEOUS man, and i myself don’t feel like i’m on the same level as him at all. so when he goes out with out me i feel sick, there was a whole drama with his friends tryna break us up cause they don’t like me so when he goes out with them i feel as though they’re gonna be putting dtuff in his head, telling him to leave me.
i can’t stand him following females on social media, having text messages from past relationships i’ve made him get rid of it all. if he even looks at a woman i feel a sinking feeling in my stomach. we go to the gym together but i can’t help but wanna d13 while there as all the women look so much better than me. i’m skinny but i’ve got no bum or shape to me and i think if i looked like that would he love me more?? sorry i’m losing track here haha, but i just can’t help it. thinking about his past relationships and what if they were better than me, i fucking hate them all, i make him tell me other women are ugly to make me feel better.
i’m SO insecure, i’ve been cheated on, lied to, f about and all of it, but he told me he hates when i act like that and he feels stuck. i don’t know what to do anymore, i wanna change but i don’t know how, i love him so much and i’m so so scared to lose him i think that may be why i act like that also. what do i even do anymore???
is it possible to change?
note: sorry about spelling mistakes if any!!