AITA for not wanting my DH to go on holiday?
For background I (36 F) have been married to DH (53 M) for 17 years. My DH is originally from Turkey and most of his family is still there.
We have 3 children - DD 15, DS 14 & DS 9. Our 9yo has ADHD and is quite high need. We have a dog and a cat and no real ‘village’ to help out with childcare as my mum and sister are disabled and my dad is an alcoholic.
I am about to start a new job (after quite a long time job hunting) and will be working 8-5 Mon-Fri and 9-1 alternate Saturdays. I haven’t yet had my induction etc so I’ve no idea about booking annual leave, I do know however that as I will get Bank Holidays and Xmas off (due to work closure) that I will only have 23 personal days to use when I wish.
We have only been on 1 family holiday abroad since the kids have been born as for a long time due to Colin and mental health issues my husband did not work and I was the sole earner. As holidays in half term cost an arm and a leg we managed 2 weeks in Turkey in 2024 but haven’t been since.
My husband finally got himself together in 2023 and has been self employed since but due to rising costs things were still tight. I was made redundant last October and have been job hunting and side hustling since so again no spare holiday money. We were all disappointed by rent and bills come first.
My husband has today announced that he will be going to Turkey solo in July/August. He plans to rent an AirBnB and eat at his sister’s in the evenings to save money. I have asked how we will afford it and he’s said as I’ll be working he will contribute less to household bills and save some money for his trip.
I understand that for him it’s ’going home’ and not necessarily a proper holiday, I’m also massively sympathetic that he’s likely homesick. However I’m worried about asking for annual leave so soon after starting - what if it’s booked up?! Also the additional financial cost of this holiday when things are already tight.
Additionally the kids are heartbroken as they would also have loved a summer holiday to see their Aunts/uncle/cousins. I’m also really disappointed as it means me possibly trying to juggle work, kids, housework, pets, finances on my own for a week with no money to take the kids anywhere or do anything nice knowing he’s enjoying the sunshine. I feel like if we all can’t go we should just not bother this year and save for next year - he says I’m just trying to stop him going. He’s even said if I want to go away with my friends then I can - even though he knows that’s not possible. I don’t get how he doesn’t see that if we could afford 2 solo holidays then we could afford to go all together?!
Am I being unreasonable to expect my husband to feel like if his wife and children can’t go on holiday with him then he wouldn’t want to go either?