Homesickness is causing a strain in our marriage
Hey everyone 🤍** **
I hope this is okay to post and apologies if this has come up before, I think I just need a bit of reassurance/advice from people who may understand this lifestyle better than people back home do.
Lately I’ve been struggling quite a lot with homesickness and feeling emotional about missing my family who I am super close to, especially my sister and nieces. We’re currently stationed overseas and although realistically it’s only around a two hour flight home (which I completely recognise is a lot easier than how many others in this lifestyle have it) I’m still finding the distance harder than I expected emotionally.
I also know that I signed up for this lifestyle when I married into the military, which sometimes makes me feel guilty for struggling with it as much as I do.
The hard part is I have genuinely tried to build a life for myself here since arriving last year in January and I’m not just sat indoors feeling sorry for myself. I’ve really pushed myself to get out there, make friendships, join things, go hiking, explore new places with my dog, attend Bible study/church, host people at my house etc. I see a lovely chaplain on base too if I’m ever feeling overwhelmed and just need to talk to someone instead of bottling my emotions up. On paper I feel like I’m doing “all the right things,” but sometimes the heartache of being away from family still feels really overwhelming. My sister has been visiting me this week and I’ve been on the verge of tears for most of it with the anticipation of having to say goodbye again.
I think another part that’s hurting me is that my husband is understandably frustrated that after a year and a half I still struggle with homesickness so much. This morning I got emotional knowing I have to say goodbye to my sister again who is currently staying this week, and when I was crying he basically said he doesn’t know what to say anymore because I’ve been like this for so long and it’s not getting better. I think from his perspective he probably feels helpless and drained by it, but from mine it can feel really lonely because in those moments I’m not expecting him to fix anything. I think I just want comfort, reassurance or even just a hug but I’m met with him responding with silence. (Just to add - as I can’t work in this country and have no income he is supportive about buying me flights to go back home on a regular basis so he is supportive in that sense).
I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Does it get easier? How do you balance building a life overseas while also grieving the distance from family back home? And for those who’ve been through it, how do you stop the homesickness from putting strain on your marriage too? Thank you all in advance.