I’m so lonely and don’t know what to do
For the past couple years I feel like I’ve been sorta stuck in a not being able to make new close friends or meaningful relationships cycle and in turn makes me more depressed and not want to try to make friends.
During secondary school I had a bunch of friends during my younger years and had many friend groups. But after a few years I skipped a grade and started hanging out with my childhood friend and two other girls. My old friends stopped including me and I stopped talking much with them. Fast forward two years and I’ve graduated and stopped talking to my childhood bestfriend because she started dealing in drugs (wanting me to get involved) and yk life got really complicated and we just weren’t compatible.
I’m in college now and I feel like the loss of my best friend and the lack of friends from my hometown made me very lonely. I’ve made a few friends in college but I don’t think I’m a priority friend to them as much as I feel like they are to me. They already have friends either from their hometown or made new friends. I’ve tried also branching out and making friends in societies or in other classes but again they already have their own friends and talk to me to just get through class and such. I just feel so lonely in college and I feel like I have no close ‘best’ friend or anyone to really talk to about with everything.
I’ve tried reaching out to friends from the past and with one girl that I was really close with who would always come out and hug and say she missed me on nights out. I reached out to her and asked if she wants to hang out for coffee since I really missed her and she took me off her private story, left me on unopened but half swiped my message and turned off her location and last seen messages for me. I know she saw it and just chose not to open or respond completely airing me.
As I’m typing this I’ve decided to reach out to someone else I used to be friends with but I don’t know if she’ll respond either. I’ve tried connecting with another girl I knew and we met twice for coffee but not much conversation happens aside from reminiscing about the past.
I just feel so lonely and I really don’t know how to make meaningful friendships. Maybe I got off on the wrong foot in college and should’ve put myself more more out there but what else can I do now? I’m 2 years into college and I’m just so lacking genuine friendship.