u/Fast-Celery-9894

CW: Suicidal thoughts are mentioned

Hello. We are a system so I will be referring to us as "we". I guess the fact we're a system at all should be the first red flag, but anyhow. I do want some clarification on whether or not you all would consider it abusive. I'm going to list good and bad things. Because abuse is not always black and white, but we cannot tell if this is just tough parenting or abuse.

Good:

1. Loving parents. We can tell they genuinely care about us.
2. Willing to lend a hand financially for college (they are paying thousands of dollars to the school for us.)
3. Give us money for things we don't need it for
4. Helps our siblings with their passions (specifically their sports)

Bad:

1. Spanked us as kids. Not often, but enough to where we remember it multiple times in early childhood. We remember a specific time where we were asked to put our pants down for it as well.
2. Used to take and constantly monitor our phone solely because, at the time, we thought we were genderfluid/queer. During this time our mother pushed us/laid her hands on us. And yet when we fought back, we were told we were wrong despite the fact that she pushed us. We were also spanked again at this time.
3. Mother would yell at us and insult us, calling us a liar/manipulative/even a snake for what we now recognize as depression symptoms. She would do this at least once a week every year for 6 years (from 13-18, we are 19 now and it still happens fairly often)
4. After coming to them about our suicidal thoughts, parents stated that it is partially our fault that we have suicidal thoughts
5. Forced us to make a Google Slides presentation (no, this is not a joke) explaining needs vs wants and detailing how we are going to "get better" through a Christian lens and their lens so we wouldn't have to drop classes in this semester.
6. A lot of possible lovebombing after the fact o the arguments in 3
7. They do not believe in mental health: our dad has a degree in psychology and yet he has told us explicitly that unless the disability is cognitive, you are at fault for all of your mental health disabilities, which is why he said what h said in #4.

Hi. I have a friend in a state where they can be emancipated. They turn 16 very soon and they are under an incredibly mentally/emotionally absuive mother and have been physically abused/had physical abuse enabled in the past. Now fortunately, their father is actually a decent parent and we are trying to look into options to get them out of there and into their father's hands without custody (this is because it's too expensive, he wants custody of them but cannot due to the cost).

We saw emancipation specifically. We think this might be THE way to get them out. Technically their parents are divorced/separated. I do not know if the father has partial custody but I think it was an informal, non law binding agrement based on the fact that he doesn't have consistent visitation rights. I am wondering if it would be possible for them to emancipate in Virginia so long as their father will sign off on the fact that he will care for them until they are an adult to cover the 'must be financially stable' section?

Thank you for all advice!