u/Feisty_Ad8543

Context: He died 7 years ago, I spent until Jan this year utterly loathing him

But recently I've been... Missing him?

I was the golden child turned scapegoat so suffered horrifically in his hands

But our brains kinda worked in the same way and feel like it would be nice to have someone who understands it

Mum is successful but low-key I think she's an idiot, like some of the stuff she says makes me embarrassed to be related to her

Plus in my mind it's almost worse being an un-traumatised mother who allows abuse to happen openly to her kid without stopping it, than my dad who had a fucked up childhood so kinda didn't know any better

Feels messed up missing my abuser, feeling confused and I don't know what to do with this information. Felt easier hating him tbh

Anyone else gone through this?

Like I get devaluing (I do that mentally not out loud), for me that's kinda like a knee jerk reaction to a stimulus

But I've never wanted to get revenge, just seems like a lot of effort + admin to go to for someone else

Plus could backfire/be linked back to you

So what's the driver, is it like an extreme version of the urge to devalue?

Right so obvs I had an NPD parent (dad)

Boundaries were non existent at home, walking in while I was in the bath/changing, non-consensual sexual touching etc....

Unsurprisingly, a lot of boundary violations I experience today don't even register as boundary violations

E.g. was at the pub last week, a friend grabbed my boobs and ass in front of everyone... And it didn't even register

Until the next day another friend said to me "who was that creepy little man who was touching you?"

Then obvs the humiliation kicks in... Not necessarily at being touched in public but because he was butt ugly and I don't want anyone to think we're romantically involved

So I blew up at him, and blocked him on everything

Thinking about it, this situation could probably have been avoided if I'd asserted a boundary sooner

Question: How do you teach yourself boundaries when you weren't allowed them as kids? What is a healthy boundary?

Your feelings are not my fault.

You inability to FUCKING listen, is not my fault.

I TOLD you I wasn't interested, you SAID you were ok with friendship.

It's not my goddamn fucking fault that you couldn't deal with that.

Now YOU want to talk about it?

NO.

I have said my piece.

I am done being your unpaid fucking therapist.

I don't care about you goddamn feelings.

I didn't ask for them.

No go cry to someone who gives a shit.

I have a habit of getting annoyed at people and then from that point on every thing they do wrong just piles on top of each other.

Until it hits a point where I just explode at them.

Really badly.

And the nasty thoughts that I've been sat on just spill out.

I've just blown up at a friend and blocked them partially because they keep wanting to talk about their feelings and I just can't cope with it.

Even now I'm fighting the temptation to unblock just to finish saying my piece. I've said some tough stuff but I think I've held back from my most cruel thoughts.

The worst thing is, saying it feels really cathartic and I don't tend to regret saying the things I say when I blow up... Because in my mind they're true.

There must be a healthier way to gradually discharge the anger though instead of letting it fester, build up and then blow up

Any tips?

Woken up with the feeling that someone is stabbing my uterus and lower back

I can't sleep

I want to cry

Is this just what we're expected to deal with?

- I have a UK dataset of c.5mil+ coordinates

- These coordinates have been assigned different weightings reflecting what they represent

- I've added a hex layer of 150m x 150m over the UK map

- I want to sum the weighted values of the coordinates within each hex to create a heatmap of the weighted values

Currently, I'm using QGIS and as you can imagine it is horrifically slow (predicting a 55h run just for london not the whole of the UK)

Are there any better tools available i.e. PostGIS?

Will just hiring a virtual machine be enough to brute force it?

Do you have any alternative methodologies that could be more efficient or less compute-intensive?

P.S. Please be kind, I have no background in anything GIS related other than this project

What's the most caricaturally "narcissistic" thing you've ever done?

I'll go first

I wrote a 70k word auto-biography about my life up until the age of 18...

...and then got bored when it came to editing it so it's just sat on my laptop gathering dust

So mid collapse I cannot even begin to record all the horrible thoughts about myself.

It was about everything, looks, weight, intelligence, competence, personality, temperament, ability, worth, position relative to peers... You name it, it was probably in the mix.

Trying to rebuild and figure out what are the valid points that I can work on improving Vs those that weren't valid and are just the negative self-esteem talking.

I also don't believe it when peers say nice things about me cos I assume they want something so can't really ask them for help.

Like how do you know what is actually true about yourself? How do you know how you actually come across? How do come up with an accurate assessment of your strengths and weaknesses?

A lot of the focus is on how it presents in men (i.e. early commitment, intense early affection, future faking etc)

But I was wondering if it looks different when women do it

Anyone got any experience of it?

Nowadays it seems that every company uses different software, reporting tools, data analytics tools

Every time you move time you've got to learn a while new set of commands/instructions/layout

WHEN

Excel could have just done it

Most of the time I end up having to export the data to Excel/auditors export to Excel anyway to check the tool is functioning properly

Plus, these new tools only do one thing and lack the versatility of excel: need a financial model? Check. Need a KPI dashboard? Check. Need a tracker/Gantt chart or whatever? Check.

Just seems like a few ppl who couldn't be bothered to learn some formulae designed dozens of versions of the same thing just because it "looked prettier"

Does my head in.

Being back the Excel hegemony.