u/Frostbite2000

I'll add a warning here for potential sexual coercion.

Alright, so the other day, I made a post on an unpopular opinions sub that boiled down to, "If you are requiring your partner to 'put out' in order for you to stay, then I don't believe you love them," and got a bunch of opposition. I obviously expected that, I mean, it's an unpopular opinion, but I was really struck by a handful of comments that really felt like "Exibit A" coming to give us a real time example. Summed up, they went along the lines of:

"It's a part of your social contract."

"It's your responsibility to fufill their 'needs'."

"Op must be a woman."

I do personally believe my original opinion isn't really something that is gender specific, but after seeing those comments, it made me do some introspection on the formulation of that opinion in the first place. Look. I am obviously not asking the people of this sub to agree with my orginal opinion, but it really stuck out to me that I came to that conclusion mainly though watching my friends being left by their male partners because they weren't constantly having sex with them.

This could be for a variety of reasons, mainly it was stress from work/school or mental health issues killing their libido. In ALL of these cases, when the sex was less prevalent, any form of non sexual intimacy they tried to engage in with their male partners was turned into unwanted foreplay. I'm talking greeting kisses turning into groping and cuddling being turned into dry humping. This didn't stop at the physical aspects either, and pretty much any emotionally vulnerable conversation one of my friends had with her ex eventually led to him asking for nudes. Mind you, this was within minutes of a conversation regarding her declining mental health. As I'm sure you can imagine, these unwanted and inappropriate advances did absolutely nothing to help and the relationships eventually fell apart.

Look. I understand that sex and sexual compatibility are incredibly important in the vast majority of romantic relationships, but there comes a point where you have to ask if the aggressors in these situations actually care about the happiness, wellbeing, and true consent of their partners. And before someone brings it up, yes, I am asexual, but I understand that sex is an incredibly intimate and emotional way to bond for most people. I don't think it's a "need," in the same way general intimacy (as in a deep emotional connection) is, and I think openly conflating the two does nothing but further push this idea of "denying your partner something they need," when in reality, you just aren't consenting to sex.

I don't know. I'd love a bit more insight. If you have something to add, please feel free to do so.

I feel like a lot of people within the queer community only view acephobia as that stupid "warm milk" Tumblr meme, but it is unfortunately much more heavy handed then that.

Consistent acephobia, within and outside the queer community, seems to be much more prevalent than a lot of people are willing to admit or talk about. And for the record, I don't just mean "asexuality isn't real" or "asexuals aren't queer," even though those are obvious examples. This also obviously carries over to aromantic and agender people, who are often left out entirely or sometimes demonized (mainly aromantics).

I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm asexual myself so I am more likely to identify it when I see it, but there is quite literally no other letter in our community that is so haphazardly passed onto another group of people, "allies." I'd love to hear some insight from people who are not a part of that A.

I've been sitting on this for a bit, so I'll crank it out now. People love to humanize virtually all mammals but especially dogs, and that is already strange to me. Don't get me wrong, I like dogs as animals, but a lot of people will absolutely despise someone for disliking or being afraid of dogs and then immediately turn around demonize other animals. An obvious example would be "dog people" who villianize cats because "one scratched me once," but these people can expect to be called out for their hatred because, much like dogs, people generally like cats.

This all goes out the window for less charismatic animals like arthropods and snakes, to the point of the general public constantly spreading misinformation regarding the behavior and potential dangers these animals pose. The number of times I've heard the "water moccasins chase people" bullshit is more times than I can count. Or people that totally understand and empathize with the defensiveness of a mama bear but turn around and hate wasps for doing the same thing is mind-blowing. Even for medically significant arthropods and snakes, you are much more likely to be hospitalized or killed by a dog, even your own beloved pet, then by a black widow or a rattlesnake.

No spider, snake, wasp, centipede, or any other uncharacteristic animal is out to get you. They are all still animals deserving of consideration and respect.

Edit to offer more clarity:

Why did I specifically mention dogs? I specifically target dogs because not only are they one of the most popular pets on the planet, but they're also one of the most deadly animals globally. Despite this, many people consistently feel the need to bash other people who dislike or fear dogs. There is also no other animal I can think of where the general public is expected to make constant exceptions for them, especially when it comes to spaces like grocery stores (not including service animals, obviously). And before someone brings it up, yes, I know snakes are up there as well, but it is important to note that pretty much all snake bites happen when people step on them.

Do I eat animals? First of all, no, secondly, you can absolutely eat animals and animal products without hating those animals. Eating animals doesn't mean you hate or even dislike them. I'd even say there are plenty of people who deeply love the animals they raise and rely on for food.

What about animals like ticks? I actually considered specifically mentioning mosquitoes as another animal that people blindly hate, but I didn't include them due to the absolutely massive death toll associated with them. I could understand hating an animal if that animal nearly killed you, severely injured you, or is a direct danger to your safety, though this is not the case in most instances. I would like to point out that despite the massive potential medical threat mosquitos and other parasitic organisms pose to humans, I also understand that they're just creatures trying to survive and are in no way malicious.

What is the difference between fear and hatred? I am obviously not saying that being afraid of these animals is wrong. What is wrong is going out of your way to justify or encourage harming animals that pose no threat to you because of that fear. That is what I would consider true hatred. For instance, I am afraid of "palmetto bugs," but I don't go out of my way to stomp them to death when I see them outside doing their thing. That is unnecessary and cruel, and you'd be surprised by the number of people who do that sort of thing to the animals I listed in my original post.

Look. I completely understand that this sub includes people from a variety of backgrounds and ages, but this whole, "such and such other gender meh meh meh" is a constant on here. To be honest, I can't tell if this is a generational thing (growing up on the internet), a byproduct of the covid pandemic, or just the culture of this sub, but the near constant gendered posts on here are grating and reductive in their discussions.

I feel like the crux of this has to be posts about dating. The amount of people on here who seem to be of the belief that the opposing sex are just completely incapable of understanding how they exist and live is insanity. Adding to this, the number of people on here who constantly complain about the current dating scene, the expectations put on them, and the "humiliation" of a basic rejection is honestly concerning.

To be frank, I think a lot of you would greatly benefit from going to 3rd party spaces without being required to (like with school, work, weekly shopping, ect) or with the hope of getting a date. A lot of people in our generation seem to be lacking in basic social skills and/or experience in this area. To be blunt, you guys need to go outside. Go to the park, your local library, or pick up a hobby that requires leaving the house and interacting with other people. I am being dead serious. I get that 3rd party spaces are fleeting (atleast the ones that are free/cheap), but if this is something you actually want to do, then you will find a solution.