AIO: Girlfriend is very insecure about her body and is very jealous, need help.
Known her for 5 months, been officially dating for 3. We’re both 28.
My girlfriend has been dealing with body image issues lately. She gained some weight over the past year and it’s clearly affecting her confidence and mood. The thing is, I’m genuinely very attracted to her. We’re sexually active, I compliment her constantly, reassure her often, tell her I love her daily, plan dates, etc. But it feels like nothing I say or do actually helps her believe me.
Yesterday I planned a nice date for us. During the drive, she brought up wanting to lose weight. At first it felt like a productive conversation, but about 10 minutes in she suddenly became cold and distant. She has done this multiple times before, but this time her "bad mood" lasted for hours. During that time I kept trying to initiate affection, comfort her, and talk things through, but I mostly got cold responses back. After hours of trying, I became emotionally drained and started shutting down myself. I just wanted to go home at that point. She noticed my mood shift and got upset with how I reacted. She proceeded to say "you ruined the day" and that I should apologize to her.
There’s also a jealousy aspect to the relationship that’s been exhausting me. She compares herself to my exes, asks questions about past relationships, accuses me of checking out other women, etc. It’s gotten to the point where I genuinely feel anxious interacting with women in public around her because I’m worried it’ll become an issue. I understand she’s insecure and I don’t think she’s a bad person, but I’m starting to feel emotionally drained and overwhelmed by the constant reassurance cycle. I’m honestly conflicted because I care about her a lot, but I’m starting to question whether this dynamic is healthy.
Am I wrong for emotionally shutting down after trying for hours to comfort her? Is this something that can improve, or am I ignoring red flags?
TL;DR: GF has major body image insecurities and constantly seeks reassurance despite me being very affectionate and attracted to her. She also gets jealous and accuses me of checking out other women. After hours of trying to comfort her during a date while getting cold responses back, I emotionally shut down and now I’m questioning whether this relationship dynamic is healthy.