Today is day one of taking quitting seriously. I have some questions and am seeking advice
Hello! I will put a summary on the bottom in case you have input on quitting and its uses but don't want to read the whole rambling post. But here is a bit about me if you would like context:
I have been wanting to make this post for months now, but my MD is so bad that I can't get through a morning of stopping so I keep giving up. I think I would like to make a daily diary of sorts but I don't want to spam so instead of commenting I think I will just edit the post or comment or something. So my hope is to come back tomorrow with an update, just to hold myself accountable. So check back here if you're curious if I stuck with it. (Btw is there already a thread or support chat or something for this? Might be a neat idea!)
Right now, I think that my ADHD is so bad that it is hard to stop because I forget entirely to try or don't even notice I am doing it. I think the other problem is that I am afraid. Can anyone tell me what the benefits are to stopping? I think there would be so many! I think most of my ADHD symptoms that make life so hard (forgetting my wallet everywhere, being a bad driver, not being productive, poor social skills/feeling disconnected from others) come from MD, but still I feel like I need it. And since I have never actually stopped, I worry it won't really improve anything.
It actually makes sense to me rationally that I feel apprehensive about stopping, despite yearning to desperately, because I have been doing it constantly every day for 20 years or more. Also, it definitely started as a coping mechanism, so it makes sense I wouldn't want to drop it. I come from a family of addicts and have had some more minor issues with substance abuse in the past, and I think today was the first time I realized I rationalize it like they do, which kind of scared me and led to me making this post.
What I mean by this is that I want to stop, but then some voice in my head says, "How will you work through things? How will you be creative?" It is true that I really only come to understand things by "talking them through" with someone else in my head. That is the main way I MD now, I don't often picture crazy scenarios these days. You know that old study trick that says, "When you are learning things, picture yourself explaining it to someone to help you remember"? That is sort of how I operate, but with everything. I have no internal monologue, so picturing myself talking to someone is how I process information, remember things, and think through things -- both about the world and about my personal life. This makes stopping a little scary. But it's not like I am totally normal about it, either. It is completely uncontrolled. I laugh to myself, do it for long periods of time, get distracted by it, etc. So it is much more than just a different kind of internal monologue, that I could deal with, it just also happens to function as my internal monologue, if that makes sense?
To summarize my questions/things I am looking for advice on are:
-Is quitting worth it? If you have quit, how did it help you?
-How do you stop?
-Will I not be able to think deeply without it? I have no internal monologue so I am worried about not being able to "think through" things. Right now, I don't process normally, when I am upset or thinking about my life or something I always picture myself talking to someone about it.
If anyone could provide guidance I would so appreciate it! Thanks :)