u/FuckCock69420

Before I start this please let me know if this sub is not the place for me. As I am the child of a cheating parent and not someone who got cheated on.

So yesterday on another subreddit related to infidelity. I made a post about how I was resentful of my father's numerous affairs specifically with a coworker. And how there was a trail of archived emails from when I was practically still in diapers to the first or second grade. Flash forward seven years after the last archived email. It's now 2019. I am about to graduate from 8th grade. I was so proud of myself. I felt like it was my biggest achievement. I was so excited and wanted everyone I cared about to be there at all the ceremonies. We had a few. A ring ceremony in January a graduation mass (it was a Catholic school) a week before the graduation ceremony. Pops continues to be unable to keep it in his pants and honor his commitment, still sticking it every woman he can charm. He met this woman online. Told her he was divorced. He flew across the country to fuck her. This just so happened to be when the graduation mass was. Again I was really excited and wanted everyone to be there. And my mom and brother were there. But not him. Where was he? I'll tell you where he was. He was across the goddamn country fucking some woman. Hurts to know that she came before me and what I had going on. Like that doesn't fucking hurt. This hurts because at the time graduating 8th grade was like the biggest thing I could achieve. Again all my classmates had their mom's and dad's there, but I didn't.

I am not mad at this woman. Because I know for a fact she had no clue he was still married. So this one's all for you dad. Here's do you missing out on something I cared deeply about so you could your guilt free sex with some woman who wasn't your wife. Hope it was worth it.

I am the child of a cheating parent. Many affairs. More than one woman. Some of them didn't know as he told them he was divorced. But I have my reason to believe there was one exception. I was not even in grade school when it started. I was still in fucking diapers. It was with a coworker. This woman worked with the man for seven goddamn years. I've seen pictures of her with my mother. Which leads me to believe she knew he was married.

I had been forced to come to terms with his infidelity at like 14 becaus of some stuff I found on a camera roll when borring his device. I was a bit of a nosey asshole I know. Like 2 years later same reasons that lead to me finding that stuff I find some archived emails and shit dating from 2008 to 2012. With that goddamn coworker. And they were graphic. Very graphic. I am literally trying my hardest not to punch the fucking wall as I type this. One of them though stands out. It was from 2010. The specific date stands out because the day that email was sent it was my mother's birthday. I remember that day a little bit. The four of us me my mom dad and older brother sitting at the table in the backyard cutting the cake singing happy birthday and talking. Little did the three of us know that like 6 hours prior he had emailed his AP being all lovey dovey and spicy.

Another email also stands out. From January 2010. Nude picture he took of the coworker it looks like they were in a Hotel room. And the design of the room lead me to believe it was a Marriott. Which leads me to believe it was the same Marriott that he would take me my mother and brother to go to for vacation when I was a little one. That and because it was the only one close to us. The last archived email was from 2012. And then the digital trail for that specific affair just went cold. But I do remember him going out at like 1 o'clock in the morning and I would ask if I could come if I was still awake. He said I had to stay. And he would be gone for hours. Didn't think anything of it then. Didn't put it together until years later. I can only wonder if it was that coworker.

They fell out or at least I think so because of the trail going cold and the fact that on like social media it says stuff like "pending friend request" on her profile. There was another email from 2015 someone else that said "meet me at this location." I never figured out who that lady was but I can only wonder. God only knows the details of the unarchived emails.

I feel angry. Angry at him. Angry at him because he didn't just betray my mother. He betrayed me and my brother. He lied to all of us. Didn't consider how we would feel. Angry at that fucking coworker because she potentially knew and didn't care how it would effect my mother brother and myself. For God's sake there are certain things like games from the years those emails were sent that I play like Modern Warfare 2. I like old games for some reason. Anyway. Random shit like a game or a show from or even just thinking of 2009 (because I used to be fascinated with that era of gaming) can sometimes lead me back to those emails. It sounds stupid I know. I get angry and feel hurt when ever I think of what I read. What I saw. It has been eating me alive for 9 fucking years. I have other issues like associating other things with the things I saw. Like sometimes I see sex differently when I think about certain positions or acts because again I associate it with what saw and read. I hate the name Alice too. I hate that name because when I was 12 I heard him on the phone with somebody and I swear I heard him say Alice. All of this because he couldn't keep it in his pants and because she couldn't have the decency to not have sex with a man who has a wife and kids at home.

Here's to you dad and coworker. Thanks for fucking me up. Thanks for helping me reach the conclusion that nobody gives a flying fuck about me or how I feel.

I made a post about this a while back but I am realizing more and more how unhappy and miserable I was before I started transitioning. I was quick to anger, very irritable, it was easy for me to hate people. Even hated my (now ex) girlfriend at times for no good reason. Took my anger out on my friends. I would say very hateful things and was an asshole in general just to make myself feel better. I was constantly miserable and miserable to be around.

Compared to now where I am happier, way less irritable, way less quick to anger, no longer hateful. Just overall a better person. I don't feel miserable on the inside. I feel something I have never known before and that is inner peace. I was dying on on the inside very rapidly before I started transitioning and especially HRT saved my life and made me a better person.