u/FuckTheFrontPage_

Already submitted the feedback in the app so maybe Google sees it (they won't), and saying goodbye to an account I started in August 2013 due to the horrendous new app and AI enshittification. Canceled my subscription and now onto new, and hopefully better, things!

For some context: he's a workaholic and I struggle to feel like a priority. I've told him before "your job gets 96% of you, I get 3%, and you and everyone else get 1%," he will work all weekend by choice (up at 5 AM and working until late), and if I'm trying to get him to go to a social event, or something else, he complains that I feel entitled to his time, and that he didn't know about the event even if it's in the shared calendar. I am often attending events alone, I'm the one making plans, I feel like I'm the only one trying.

The event that spawned this post: We were getting ready to cook together yesterday, and I'd just done the dishes, and had wiped the counters down with a sponge, and he was drying some dishes with a towel so I asked him to wipe the wet counter so I could start prepping once I got some ingredients from the garden. I was gone for about 3-4 minutes, and when I came back, he was still wiping down dishes, but the ones he was wiping weren't needed for cooking and would be put away the next day, so I said "well ok", definitely huffed about it, and went and got a different towel to wipe down the counters. He then set down the dish he was working on to wipe the counter, but only because I was obviously going to just do it myself and frustrated.

He then took his apron off and went and sat in the living room. I followed and asked if he wanted to talk about it, and he told me, "You're just so entitled. You want something and it has to happen immediately. You want my attention, you get mad if you don't get it. You want me to look at something in the yard, it has to happen that second. The dogs are doing something, you have to have me look immediately. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, you feel so entitled to wanting my attention right that moment." I do make bids for small attention often, fair, but I just want to share experiences and interests with him. I want to feel like a priority, and when I ask for something as small as "hey can you wipe this so I don't have a wet working surface" and I'm gone for a while, I guess I'd expect some form of priority or expediency when wiping down the dishes that would naturally air-dry and won't be used, could clearly be a later-problem. I also know that if the roles were reversed and he'd asked, I'd have finished the one dish I was working on and wiped the spot, then gone back to wiping other dishes.

My overarching frustration: We often feel like roommates and we don't have any intimacy (sexual or non) anymore, and I'm trying so hard to make a connection and I'm exhausted. We live together, I love the home we're building, and my dogs absolutely adore him. I don't want to break up, but I cannot imagine this being my life 2-3 years down the line. I don't want to be with someone who can't, or won't, prioritize me and living instead of working. Every conversation he starts is about his work, and it's extra frustrating because when I'm in the middle of something and he wants my attention, I drop what I'm doing and pay attention because I care about what he has to say. He says things will get better, but he's been saying that for 3 years. I found out my good friend's kid has cancer yesterday, and he didn't even ask me about my day, just walked into my office talking about his work until I told him I had things I needed to finish up.

What could I be doing that isn't just cutting off my bids for affection and accepting that this is as good as it gets? How do I go about expecting less of his time without feeling like we're just living two separate lives in the same house? I'm struggling here and I just don't know what to do when it feels like our relationship is withering.