Deciding to kill my ego
Not exactly sure how this works. I just found myself on this page trying to figure out how to care less. But as of lately. I feel myself slipping away. At least the person who I want to be. I found myself questioning that maybe im the problem and just a bad person. And at this point from the time of writing this I do believe that I am. I continuously make the same mistakes and find myself ungrounded. As of recently I got out of a relationship it had been bad for quite some time but I was still in the wrong. When things got rough and I felt as if the other shoe would never drop. Thinking that the relationship wasn't going to work in the end. In the middle of our relationship when things were so unsure I tried talking to somebody else. Nothing came of it but my intentions were definitely ill-mannered. I've done this before where things got bad in the relationship. I was always the type to be needing validation and someone present because the truth is I am a lonely person. And I felt the need to seek it out somewhere else. Not looking for any sympathy. I know what I did was wrong because it's happened before. I went into this relationship knowing full well that I wanted to do different that my intentions were good but it slipped through the cracks as they say. I want to do better. I need to do better. I'm almost 30 years old. I remember how grounded I used to be. I truly was a man of my word. I feel like I have nobody else to blame but I've been cheated on before and it's a horrible feeling. And it's even worse feeling when you do it to the other individual. I'm genuinely thinking that since that relationship I haven't been the same. I wish I learned and actually took it as a lesson but instead I let it utilized. I can't really say why at the moment. I'm not sure who will read this and maybe I'm just babbling but I feel so lost. I'm tired and I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with how I am. I'm tired of this Avatar. I'm tired of this ego. And most of all I'm tired of lying. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with myself this way. Maybe I've been alone for so long. I don't have many friends I can probably name two that I talk to. And of course I do have family but I need to socialize. I need people to actually build relationships with. Or maybe I just need to focus on myself. I'm open to suggestions please me honest with me