Location: I live in New Brunswick. However the estate and everything we will be talking about/dealing with is in Ontario.
I'm going to do my best to keep out the fluff to a minimum, though some of it will be necessary for context.
My mother died on the 19th of this month. My stepfather (legally married to my mom) had been keeping me up to date for the days that she was in the hospital and then pretty well stopped after she was dead.
I asked what the name of the funeral home was, so that I could get a bereavement price, fly down help him, etc. He told me she wasn't being enbalmed (she wanted to be cremated) so don't try to butt in. That upset me. I tried to ask again. He asked why I even needed to know. I told him to fuck off, and hung up. (I still don't know the name of it and she's already been cremated)
Maybe twenty minutes later I get these two voice to text messages telling me that I'm teetering on the edge of being out of the will. If I wanted to see what happened, to keep fucking with him. How dare I say that to him. If I don't call back and apologize he's skipping over me and I'll get nothing. "Do you hear me? Nothing. Zero. It'll all go to your kids"
This man is incredibly petty, and as I've come to find out? Incredibly abusive in every metric as well.
I'm afraid to ask for a copy of the will. I'm afraid to ask my stepfather for his lawyer's information (that has been his side of the family's lawyer for decades, even before the marriage to my mom) for a copy. I'm afraid to ask for a copy of what I've been led to assume is my mother's own separate will. (Her best friend was basically told to let me know everything after she died so there wouldn't be any repercussions on my mother)
I don't know if he is the executor of her personal will, and I don't know if the will that they have together is joint, or a mirror, or what.
If he's threatening to take me out of "the" will (the one that contains his/marital estate) obviously I'm in it. I'm not super interested in his share. If he wants to give it to my kids?Fine. I'd be the guardian of the trust anyways, assuming he dies in the next 4-6 years. If not, whatever. At least my kids can have a good life.
I guess my TLDR is I don't know how to go about gathering information without tipping him off.
How would I know if she had a separate will? (I don't know who the executor would be in that one) What could I do if I felt like he manipulated her into changing things?
If the house that my mother bought and paid for doesn't have him on the deed, what if any kind of leverage does he have? What, if any kind of leverage do I have? (I'm buying a parcel registry to find out the status of ownership soon)
I worry that this is a time sensitive issue. I've never dealt with a family death that has been close enough to affect me in any way other than emotionally so I really don't want to have the abusive man and his legacy lawyer pull the wool over my eyes since I'm totally blind in this situation.
If he hides anything from me how would I even know?
(Don't know where to add this, but my older sister is being treated as an afterthought. If I feel like she should get a proper share can I/we contest that? He didn't like her very much but I know my mom wouldn't leave her hanging with nothing, or a pittance like that)