My camera SUCKS and is making the stains look orange but they are actually a very hot pink. I have tried rubbing alcohol and hydrogen peroxide but neither seem to get the crud off of him 💔 hes so cute 😭 I dont understand why little me did this!!!
I think its permanent sharpie or something...and then a few pen marks. 😞
I went on Instagram today just to have a laugh and was met with hundreds of posts talking about the new legislation, or whatever...how trans people are terrorists now.
I then went and looked at articles, which I'll admit I don't understand.
I'm really scared...
Is the government really going to track us down and kill us?
Are we going to be safe?
What to do?
Are those posts all fear mongering...?
I have plenty of core wool, but hardly any wool for coloring! Everything is far too bright or unnatural...
I would love to get just a massive thing of natural animal colors but I'm struggling to find anything that I like. 😞💔
My mother is a narcissist, but I still love her. And i know she loves me.
But it is extremely difficult living like this. I am constantly "in the wrong", I am apparently verbally abusive, I am apparently extremely aggressive, I apparently "hate her"....I could go on for hours about what she thinks of me, which is all untrue.
It comes to times where she threatens to send the cops on me or send me to a mental asylum where they will put me into a straight jacket. 🤦♂️ not what happens but thats what she thinks....because when she starts going bat shit on me it is incredibly difficult for me not to defend myself. So I yell back.
The things she says about me are outrageous.
But I still love her. Yes shes pretty fucking mean when she's mad but I STILL LOVE HER. Distancing myself is not an option for me right now, and moving is not either.
I am 18. Dont have a job, cant get one for the life of me....
I dont want advice like "wait until you can move away and then go no contact," because I want her in my life. I want to understand it. I want to learn how to deal with it and still be happy.
I dont believe narcissists are evil, afterall they cannot help it. I just want to know how to...not go insane...because I am exhausted.
Everything is about her and nobody can be as miserable as her. Nobody can be in as much pain as her.
I have chronic stress, OCD, insomnia, AND CHRONIC PAIN, and I do not complain nearly as much as she does. And when I do? "Yeah, well welcome to my world I go through that but worse..." (she does not have any of the above. Gets a full 8 hours of sleep every single night but pretends she only got one.) thanks mom that makes me feel so much better! I guess its totally okay that I can hardly walk at age 18! I suppose I shouldn't need any help at all and I should bend over backwards for you and while im at it I should give you a foot massage!!!
EVERYTHING is a competition and NOBODY can be having a harder time than her.
And EVERYONE is out to get her and SHE'S better at EVERYTHING than everyone.
Im not even joking when i say this. Shes even turned alcoholism into a competition. Shes a better alcoholic than her father, apparently, because she doesnt drink as much as him and she doesnt say "mean things" when shes drunk.
Yeah because threatening to call the cops on your child and calling him a fucking abusive bitch all the time isnt mean!
But in the end i still love her. Shes a really sweet person when she isnt be a complete asshole. Which, yes, is a lot of the time but shes also my only parent. Her and my sister are all I have in my life. I cant imagine her not being in it. So please, if anyone has advice Id really appreciate it.
I really truly dont want to see things like "narcissists are all evil and there's nothing you can do but run" because that isnt true. But i also cant let tell everyone and their dog that I am a raging monster that has severe anger issues when neither of the two is true.
I fight with her a lot and have my whole life. I have many faults, I know i shouldn't react but I do....its just. Its ALWAYS my fault according to her, and thus my entire extended family believes I am a very angry and unreasonable person. I feel very isolated and alone...everyone thinks I am something I am not and its really difficult :/
I am not violent, i do not have anger issues, and I am most definitely not aggressive. I am a huge people pleaser and Im constantly worried I offended somebody. I rarely get mad at other people and if I do I never do anything about it (which yeah is not necessarily a good thing) but all im saying is that I am FAR from having anger issues. Its just. My mom pushes all my buttons and its like she wants me to get upset or angry. She says such blatant lies and makes things up about me its impossible for me NOT to defend myself.
Sorry if im going in circles. Im at a loss. I have no clue what to do. I had a therapist and for some reason she would always try to defend my mom. I am trying to find an OCD specialist this year and hopefully can get help that way but in the meantime i seriously need to learn some coping mechanisms because my heart is feeling like it'll explode soon. I've been having the worst stress I've ever had in like years....im losing hair 😭