My wife and kids trash my house everyday. Then I clean it up. Repeat.
My wife can't manage our children and keep a tidy house. I go crazy because I live in a massive mess all the time. To "protect" myself (because I can't change her...) I started to wash the dishes every evening. The dishes were the worst trigger and I thought removing this monster of a task would free up time and help clear her mind to focus on cleaning other things. For five months she has woken up to a clean kitchen (no dirty dishes and counters clear and wiped) and 99.9999% of the time I come home to a mess. A massive mess if she has cooked anything.
She has no sense of "cleaning while you cook." Our small galley kitchen gets wrecked and food crumbs/sauces/mystery liquid end up all over every surface and the floor. She doesn't rinse any dish when she's done (e.g. warm oatmeal residue is much easier to remove than crust dried residue).
Yes, I like the home cooked meals. She is a good cook. But if cleaning up after a meal takes over an hour in a small kitchen sometimes it doesn't feel worth it. I'll just have a frozen pizza.
There's food crumbs throughout our house from the kids eating whatever, wherever. Yes, they're kids. And Yes, she can clean up after them or try to prevent it in the first place (at least I can).
Kids bedrooms are TOTALLY wrecked. All sheets off the mattress, every toy strewn about, paper ripped up. This is everyday.
Living room wrecked. Cushions of the sofa, mix of clean laundry that didn't get put away and dirty piss smelling laundry all over the place. I have washed so many clean clothes just because I didn't want to sort them. Every piece of furniture is destroyed and we are currently on hand-me-down sofas. She never told any laundry but talks about his she did a load of clothes...
She is impossible to talk to about any of this because she is immediately offended no matter what approach I try. She is MEAN too when she fights. A fight over a shirt laying on the floor leads to her basically calling me a retard. I remove myself and ask her to leave me alone so I can calm down and she follows me outside even. I have nowhere else to go.
I have:
- 2 admissions to psych hospitals in the last 4 years (days in the hospital).
- initiated my own counseling.
- initiated marriage counseling.
-encouraged her to initiate marriage counseling (she choose the counselor etc)
- started/continue psych meds.
- I have lost my mind over my job (can't switch because I'm the bread winner and we need the money)
- I have filed bankruptcy. Debts discharged. Still broke.
- she is up my butt all the time. Even when we aren't fighting she just ends up talking all the time. Then gets pissy when I say I'm going to go for some alone time.
I'm tired of always reading bullshit like "see it from her perspective" and "being a sahm is a full-time job." Blah blah blah I've tried everything under the sun and I'm still going crazy.
I feel like I'm better than her at almost everything.
She's also always sick to some degree. She claims she has POTS but won't see a doctor at all won't even schedule an appointment. I beg her to get medical treatment.
I wish I would have lived with her before we were married. Because I probably would but have married her. I wish I had more sense and higher self-esteem and could see what I was doing.
We've been married 7 years. 2 sons.
I have no desire to ever have a romantic relationship ever again in my life even if I'm divorced or widowed. I barely have a desire to have any friends. I'm basically mad at the world.