Follow up on my 9 months old post
Wow, it's been 9 months since I made this post.
I randomly logged back into this account today after completely forgetting it even existed. I honestly thought there was nothing on it. Little did I know this email was tied to my entire avoidant-breakup journey. :D
I saw comments I never got the chance to read before, along with some newer ones, and I couldn't help but smile a bit reading through some of them. There were also a few support messages waiting in my inbox. I guess that's why I'm writing another post, one I never intended to write.
It's funny looking back on the past year and remembering where I was when I wrote that original post. Back then, I already felt so much better. My healing journey had made so much progress, and yet here I am today, completely in awe when I think about that version of myself. There were moments before writing that post when I genuinely believed what I was feeling would last forever. The pain felt endless, and it's honestly unbelievable how far I've come.
The advice I wrote back then? I still stand behind every word of it. I don't really have anything new to add. And when it comes to them, they don't really have any relevance in my life now. But they were never the point. I'm the point. And you're the point. And I can tell you with complete confidence that you can heal. Not just survive it. Not just learn to live with it. You can genuinely heal. Besides going no contact, never checking their socials, never asking about them, and removing anything that reminded me of them, I just kept living my life. I cried when I needed to cry. I took care of myself even on days when I couldn't stop crying. I didn't lock myself away at home. I took myself on little dates. I did small things that made life feel a little lighter.
But if I had to pick one thing that helped the most, it was finding something new that I genuinely enjoyed. Something that was mine and something that had nothing to do with them. Maybe it gave me new sources of dopamine. Maybe it gave my brain something else to focus on. This changed everything. I kept myself busy, but not in an unhealthy "run from your feelings" kind of way. I still processed everything, I still felt everything. But having new activities, new goals, and new experiences gave me something to move toward instead of constantly looking back.
At first, it took effort, a lot of effort. I had to push myself. But humans are surprisingly good at building habits. Eventually, those new things became part of my life. :D I achieved things during that time too. Some pretty meaningful things, actually. But I didn't post about them. I didn't celebrate them publicly. I chose to win in silence. I kind of disappeared from social media. My account was active, but I was absent. I wasn't living for an audience or hope they would see how I'm thriving without them. I wasn't creating memories to show other people. I was just living for myself.
I remember reading a comment somewhere on Reddit that said eventually you'll think about them less and less. And wow, was that true. It gets to a point where they cross your mind and there are just... zero fucks given. No love. No hate. You know they exist somewhere out there, and that's about it. There's no pain. No anger. No curiosity about who they're with. No desire to see them, talk to them, or know what they're doing. It's all gone.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I didn't put much thought into writing it. I guess all I want to say is, it really does get better. I can sit here today and genuinely promise you that. Not overnight. Not in a few weeks. And not without effort. You still have to participate in your own healing. You have to choose yourself over and over again, even when it's hard. But if you keep going, one day you'll look back and barely recognize the person who thought they would never get over it. And when that day comes, you'll realize you made it.
There will be days when you don't feel like doing anything but do it anyway. There will be days when every interaction feels like a chore, even the happy moments, show up anyway. Keep showing up and keep participating in your life. Over time, your mind and body will adapt, and the grip those feelings have on you will start to loosen. You'll probably always remember them, and you may even remember how they made you feel. But eventually, those feelings become memories rather than something you're actively carrying every day. What feels overwhelming right now won't always feel this way. One day, you'll think about them and notice that the pain in your chest, the anxiety, the heaviness, whatever you're feeling now, doesn't have the same hold on you anymore.
You've got this.
Edit: And FFS, stop reading Avoidant Breakups stories and everything else on avoidants because it feeds your addiction, you'll never heal by feeding it. I literally installed a blocker on my phone and laptop just to block this subreddit :)