I'm a 5'4 32 year old male, I'm incredibly fit and exercise so hard.
I (32M) was cheated on by my fiance of 4 years. After that time, how I viewed myself completely warped. I went hard into exercise and sports to try and build confidence. I chose to stay with her to work through things, it lasted three years and she gave up in the past week. Throughout the whole process I got very lean, and in the best shape of my life. She would never comment on it or offer encouragement. I tried testosterone enanthate (steroid) for a few months immediately after I found out about the affair. I came off it after I worked through the initial grief.
I would upload pictures of my progress constantly to AI, and try and understand the lens that people would see me through. Daily. "What would someone think if they saw me?" "Would someone that sees me with my shirt off think I exercise" "would women like my body?". I really was lost.
Funnily enough, height isn't something I've ever really been self conscious about, despite being well below the average in Australia. I don't see my gym progress, it's like my brain refuses to let me feel any gratification, or the finish line that lets me feel the relief of "you're good enough.".
Now that life has come full circle and she's thrown in the towel, I'm *silently* anxious about re entering the dating pool. I've stayed away from apps as I don't think throwing myself out there for judgement would help at the moment.
Ive taken steps like going for a run along the beach without my shirt on. It took a lot of courage the first time but it's gotten easier, especially when I focus on the run and not what other people are potentially thinking.
Throughout the whole healing process I have been so ashamed of myself and my body. I would always compare myself to her affair partner. She wasn't very supportive which may have exacerbated it? I don't blame her though.
I posted progress pics on reddit, like I've done a few times, but I always take them down within minutes.
Unlike the last time she left me, I want to work on my body dysmorphia directly.
If there's anything thats helped you, I'd love to hear.