u/HeartShapedGlasses94

I’m almost 2 months into my quit. Last week and part of the week before I was having days where I felt the most stable I’ve felt in years. But since Sunday I’ve just been feeling unmotivated and starting to have trouble sleeping again. I woke up this morning and have been having extreme anxiety almost like when I first quit. I don’t understand it man. I know healing isn’t linear but I was hoping by now I’d at least be done with the horrible anxiety and mood swings. I start a new job next week and want to get my life back on track and caught up financially (unfortunately lost my job during my quit bc I missed an email from my boss’s boss about a drs note. My boss said NOTHING about that and made everything seem like everything was ok) Idk guys. Relapse isn’t an option at all. I have no cravings and no desire to go back. I just feel so hopeless right in this moment. I thought I was healing. I mean heck I was sleeping without sleep aids all of this month until now. That was nice lol. Idk what my brains doing but I wish it would chill lol.

I was using some old Mucana I had laying around and while I noticed it definitely took the edge off and gave me motivation, I’d fall off pretty hard with anxiety and anhedonia about a day and a half later. I know not to take it every day, but I imagine supplementing dopamine might not be great when you’re already struggling with downregulation after abusing kratom for a couple years. Your brain needs to start producing it on its own and I would think Mucana can prevent this. I wanna give myself a boost without messing with my brains natural production if that makes sense.

I don’t remember my quit date but it’s been since the end of march. This whole fatigue thing is intense. Some days I’m good. But days like today I’m insanely exhausted. Like physically and mentally. I probably got like 6 hours of sleep so while not ideal, I feel like I shouldn’t wanna nap. Usually if I’m fatigued being active helps but even after walking 2 miles in this wonderful weather I’m just not feeling it. Any tips?

Slept 9 hours. Woke up and tried to get started with the day. I’ve been having pretty bad anxiety and this kinda weird sense of dread (like the lead up to a panic attack but less intense) Last couple of days I felt calm and focused. Not happy but not miserable. Please just reassure me this is still within norms. My brains not being very kind to me today. I’ve read many times that people started to feel much better by day 30 and it really bums me out that I’m still struggling. I quit to get better and it feels like my life is falling apart much worse.

Edit: I mainly took plain leaf capsules. Earth Kratom. Never used 7oh or extracts for sustained amounts of time.

I had two good days in a row and felt well again this morning but at work I felt like I was starting to get irritated for no reason and now I’m at home just feeling SUPER sad and depressed. Like the only time I ever felt so flip-floppy with my emotions was when I’d be prescribed an antidepressant or something for my adhd lol. I’m almost a whole month into my quit. I still haven’t had cravings so that’s good. But man when I quit I was prepared to feel like crap for a couple weeks and maybe feel depressed afterwards. Didn’t think I’d still be dealing with anxiety and severe mood swings a month in. I grew up in an abusive household. I’ve always took pride in how well I handled stress and dangerous situations. But this…breaks me. I feel so bad for judging those in my life who got hooked on drugs. I always wondered why they didn’t just quit. I never knew beating dependence was so damn difficult. Makes every other situation I’ve gone through seem like nothing in comparison.

Let alone get things done around the house. Like I WANT to do things and get my life back together but just even initiating errands/work, let alone having the ability to focus and get things done seems impossible. I know I’m not even a full month into my quit but lord I was expecting to at least be functional. I had a few days the past couple of weeks where I felt ok and I thought I was turning the page on the suck, but nope. Here I am today just filled with anhedonia and trying to work. I just wanna run and sleep this all away. Please tell me this is worth it because man, I feel absolutely defeated right now.