Discouraged by 3.5 year old's hitting phase
I'm getting discouraged, and I think I just need to be reminded that this is normal (hopefully...)
Our 3.5 year old daughter is playful, clever, sweet, curious, and a joy to be around 99% of the time. Aside from struggling with sleep, she has been a super easy kid. But over the past week and a half, she has been aggressive at daycare and we are struggling to get her past it. It honestly seems less like an aggression thing, and more like something with impulse control, because sometimes she is hitting or scratching totally unprovoked and without any apparent anger - just kinda smacking a friend because they are there and the idea occurred to her and unfortunate victim was in arm-range.
We have tried rewarding her with fruit snacks (her favorite treat) when she has good days, but it hasn't helped. We have tried including it in our "good behaviors" sticker chart at home, but that hasn't made a difference. We got the "Hands Are Not for Hitting" book from the library and it hasn't helped (while other books in that same series have been game changers for her for things like potty training, pacifier weaning, and nose-picking). We have tried the Daniel Tiger episodes/songs about aggressive behaviors, and it hasn't helped, even though she normally does great at memorizing the songs and repeating/reacting to them when we remind her of them in real-life situations.
The fact that it is happening only at daycare is making it tricky for us to implement more direct strategies, but at daycare they are talking sternly with her about using gentle hands, having the director remove her to a quiet place for a few minutes, and having her sit separately if she is hitting during craft/meal times. She acts ashamed when the teacher tells us about these incidents, and when Dad asks her about her day when he gets home from work.
A couple of bits of context that may or may not be relevant:
- Like I said, she's always struggled with sleep, and she's currently going through a VERY sleep-resistant phase. We suspect this is because she is ready to be done with naps but naptime is a requirement at daycare, and we are working with a sleep specialist to help us with our sleep strategies in general.
- Speaking of naptime, she's been acting out a lot more during naptime at daycare (yelling/screaming when asked to be quiet so her friends can sleep, not staying on/near her cot, getting defiant when the teacher tries to redirect her, that sort of thing). While not directly related to the hitting, it is another behavioral thing that she's going through right now.
- In a couple of weeks, she is transitioning to a Montessori pre-school program. She is aware of this, as we've talked to her about it and gone to several open houses and orientations with her, and she is very excited. Her daycare teacher suggested that the knowledge that a big change is coming could be causing her to act out.
I know a week and a half isn't that long in the grand scheme of things, but we are getting discouraged by how little progress we're making. It feels like I am failing to properly connect with my daughter and help her through this. I feel like I have seen/heard a million times that it is normal for pre-K kids to go through hitting phases. But I'm having a really hard time internalizing that right now.