my mom is forcing me to go on dates
hey
idk how reddit works, so excuse some mistakes I may have that may cause you discomfort. but I need advice.
I'm only 19, turning 20. and my mom 45 y.o is almost forcing me to go on dates with sons of women who reached out to her to ask my hand in marriage for their sons. I have no idea how to escape or what to do in general. i never had an official bf, I don't want to get married anytime soon. maybe after I turn 25, after my frontal lobe is fcking developed. Until then I wanna feel life as an INDIVIDUAL and not as a part of a FAMILY with tons of responsibilities. because I'm scared, and i know it's my problem to solve. I just know I'm fucked up on the head, so much that I cannot even be in relationships or long term friendships. and I need some time to figure out things to be a normal human.
my fear of marriage scares my parents. they had SEVERAL doubts, like if I had a bf, if I was not ok physically(hormones), if I was assexual or lezbo, if I wanted to die alone. that shit makes my mom go crazy on me. she threatens, and cuts off some BARE MINIMUMs I have after i reject the offers.
I'm at uni, and NOBODY is getting married there either. nobody even thinks about that, cause they have bigger things to think, like building their future, finding themselves outside their comfort zones, career and shit.
I understand the culture thing, traditional arranged marriage, big wedding, 1 year later a child then love with them till you DIE. but it's not for me.
I had dozens of beautiful communications with my parents, where i stayed calm and gave them my reasons, told them I was gonna marry, one day, and that day would not be soon. my dad doesn't force me, and is often on my side(till my mom talks to him) but THE MOTHER... I talk, I listen, we have fights. initially she'd agree and promise me that it wouldn't happen again, but then maximum 1 month and here we are again. with tears and victim card. it's killing me from inside, and affecting how I think and imagine my future. my goals, my plans.. my faith in the future I want for myself is fading.
EVERY decent human with a brain and EVERY argument is on my side. I'm from a religious family, and my religion prohibits forced(in ANY way) marriage. so pressuring even slightly is prohibited. but she won't listen to anything.
AITA here? is there a blindspot I can't see?
I'm at the last drop. please advise on how to get out of it.