AITA for liking my friend's boyfriend??
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AITA for liking my friend's boyfriend?
I really need opinions because I don’t know if I’m the one in the wrong.
Last year around November, my friend told me she was talking to someone, but she didn’t want to tell me who it was yet because she didn’t want to “jinx it.” I respected that completely because I wanted her to tell me when she was ready. Fast forward to now. There’s this guy in our circle that she kept encouraging me to go for. Literally all the time. She would say stuff like “you two look good together,” “would you ever kiss him?” or “I think he likes you.” She even told me I should shoot my shot. At first it was cool because we would randomly rate boys around us but eventually I admitted that yes, I did find him attractive and that I kinda liked him. He was one of the sweetest guys I ever met (not even an exaggeration). To shift the conversation sometimes I would ask her about mystery man and she kept complaining, she would say he was clingy, that he wanted to make things official, and that she didn't want that.
As time went on, I realized I actually liked him. But I never planned on acting on it because I value my friendships more than a crush. Plus, I was scared of ruining things. Still, she kept hyping it up and saying he might like me too.
Then another girl casually mentioned My crush and my friend's relationship to me thinking I already knew. I was genuinely hurt after hearing that but I had suspected that so that was on me. I started piecing everything together and realized he was the guy from November. After that, I stepped back a little, but I didn’t want to make things awkward or expose anyone, so I kept acting normal. I even tried hinting to my friend about them possibly being together just to see if she’d finally admit it, but she kept denying it. She would literally say things like, “If he was really my man would I let you do this?” and stuff like that. It genuinely made me question if I was misunderstanding everything. Eventually it all came out that they were in fact involved romantically the entire time. And honestly? I felt heartbroken and embarrassed. Not even because I “lost” him, but because I felt played with. Like why encourage your friend to like your man?? Why repeatedly push us together while hiding the truth? It made me feel stupid. To make things messier, he actually gave signs that made it seem like he liked me too, so I don’t even know what was real and what wasn’t anymore. She also kept insisting their relationship stay private, which I respected, but at some point it started feeling less like privacy and more like manipulation.
I never confessed to him, never flirted after I found out, and I quietly distanced myself from both of them because I didn’t want to become “that girl” who ruins relationships or causes drama. But then my friend confronted me asking why I was acting weird, and instead of telling her the truth, I made up another reason because I honestly didn’t want to admit that the whole situation hurt me. I forgot to mention she would say things like "let me and OP kiss you". Now I feel guilty for pulling away without explaining myself also because I like him, but another part of me feels like I was lowkey set up to fail emotionally.
AITA?