Treating C-PTSD, OCD, and Bipolar 1: How do you manage the overlap, and what treatments have worked?
EMDR is a no-go for me, and traditional ERP can also be destabilizing.
I've experienced multiple adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) alongside a significant amount of trauma in adulthood. I am trying to map out what I can recall off the top of my head to make sense of how it relates to my OCD:
Ages 4–5: Exposed to pornography, which triggered OCD symptoms I didn't understand at the time.
Ages 4–12: Endured excessive corporal punishment and systematic abuse while being raised by a narcissistic parent.
Ages 6–9: (The exact timeline is hazy) I was a victim of sexual abuse by an adult. Another child was forced into a COSCA situation, and my sibling was forced to watch.
Around Age 12: Assaulted by another teenager, and subsequently gaslit by a parent into believing it was my own fault.
College: Experienced a sexual assault that I have largely blocked out. I dealt with severe self-deprecation and self-blame after this.
Ages 22–23: Physically assaulted at my workplace.
Ages 23–26: Dealt with a continuous string of inappropriate behavior from men in general.
Other Traumas: Witnessing two people die on separate occasions years apart deeply impacted my mental health.
How my OCD manifests: I never developed POCD (Pedophilic OCD). Instead, it mostly manifests as Harm OCD involving myself and others, especially children. It terrifies me to experience intrusive images of hurting myself or my loved ones. It causes an immense amount of distress, and I strongly believe it stems from the continuous, excessive psychological blows dealt by my narcissistic father.
Over the years, I have cycled through numerous themes:
- HOCD & Relationship OCD
- Responsibility OCD & Health OCD: For example, my niece was sick a while ago. Even though I hadn't seen her in weeks, my brain somehow convinced me that I was the one who gave her the cold.
- Moral OCD: This one is incredibly rigid. It leaves absolutely zero room for me to mess up or make normal human mistakes.
Forgot to include the worst of me all, real event/false memory ocd. It doesn’t help having so many traumatic experiences, they all tend to blend.
The list keeps going.
My questions for the community: I am debating whether or not to return to therapy, but quite frankly, my last treatment experience was traumatic in itself, which makes me hesitant to try again.
- How does your OCD manifest, and what coping
strategies
- actually help you manage day-to-day?
- What specific types of treatment have worked for you?