Hi, I’m a polysubstance user, and I think I want to go to detox. I’d rather do it myself because of work and commitments, but I don’t think I could. I don’t have a support system. no friends, and my parents are very busy and don’t have the time to care. I struggle with BPD, anxiety, and depression, and every time I’ve tried to get off drugs or alcohol, I’ve been hospitalized for withdrawal/SI. I’ve been on a whole bunch of different stuff for a long time. I’m tired of being tired.
I found a place 30 minutes away from me, and it looks really nice. It also has a program for young adults (I’m 18). But what would be the best way to open up to my family about my addictions?
They have no idea, and/or they don’t care enough or don’t think it’s urgent. I feel manipulative and scummy. just lying to keep the peace because they already have way too much on their plate. Historically, it has ended with the cops being called and me being abused. I really don’t want that. I don’t want fights. I want a conversation. I told my mom I really wasn’t doing well, and she basically said, “You just have to keep going, sorry.” Those are most of her responses.
I’ve been using 7-hydroxy for two years, having liquor binges on and off since before my friend passed away in October, and taking gabapentin in high doses. Recently, I’ve had many, many shroom and DMT trips. Every day, it’s a lot of edibles, smoking weed, and carts. every single day. Nicotine too. I feel like it’s only getting worse by the week. I’m scared and very alone. I also seek out Adderall, prescription opiates, and benzos when I can get them.
Basically, it’s everything just to not feel. The thing I’m worried about is my commitment. I would probably want to come back after detox and vape/smoke weed, and I don’t think my family would agree with that.
I also take a lot of mental health medications, none of which really make me feel okay. even when I’m sober. I told my psychiatrist I felt overmedicated, and all he did was raise the dose on my sleep medication. I’m not taking care of myself very well. I don’t do my hair and makeup as much as I used to just a few months ago, and self-care feels exhausting. I’ve seen this before. Crisis is coming. The consequences only get bigger from here. It’s taken everything from me. I don’t know if I’m truly done or just tired of living this way. Three times now, I’ve been admitted just because I get so tired. I’m tired of lying to everyone, tired of being a poor communicator, tired of being me. especially in this god awful timeline we live in.
Thank you all for listening🫂