u/Jishnu_ashadha

So the day before yesterday I my bf(24M) (now ex's) mother called me and asked me not to contact her son again. His family is absolutely conservative and abusive.

But this post is not about them it's about me.

Ever since this happened.

I have got fever.

My vision is hazy.

Yesterday when I was trying to sleep I couldn't keep my eyes shut because I would see weird patterns and since I have trypophobia, my skin started to itch.

I think for hours before I can even get up to drink water.

I am unable to focus.

I have so much lined up but no will left.

My chest hurts at times.

I know it has only been a day but I have not felt like this in years.

I cannot tell my parents, they have already supported me enough through the relationship.

All I can do is give it time.

I cannot tell my friends, I don't want to bother them everyone has a career and I should be focused on mine too.

Everyone thought we would make it .

As much as I blame his mother, I know it is the father controlling the entire family, he never takes a stand for his family and always expects them to bend . I am not saying the mother is not a fault but the greater fault lies with the one having all power.

Sometimes I worry about him, that he used to trust his father so much, discarded his career plans to help him with his business and how well has he treated him in return.

It makes me think, should everyone be allowed to have kids. People like these just need a kid to do them every wrong they had to endure.

He has spent all his life criticizing people who married out of love, maybe he strictly believes there is no space for love in relationships. Explains a lot about his behavior towards his family. It is true kids do have to bare their parents karma.

As for my ex bf. I feel very worried for him. I want the best for him. I hope he can lead a happy life without such toxicity and abuse. He is one of the most kindest and understanding souls I have met. I used to warn him but he was like an innocent kid who always used to have faith in his father and brother. They betrayed him the most and the hardest. Maybe he was not strong enough to take a stand , I mean he is completely dependent on them and never thought his family would use it against him(I warned him several times) but he is one of the kindest and most honest person I have met. I wish I could hate him but I cannot. All I can do is look at him and think that's my little baby. I want to protect him. I wanted to protect him, I tried my best. I hope God helps him.

I am just venting out.

TL;DR

My break up happened the day before yesterday. I feel immense pain and I cannot bother my parents or friends with my feelings.I have already bothered them a lot and everybody thought it would work. I don't want to deal with their sadness right now.

I love him. He is the most understanding, kind and loving guy. He is so innocent he trusted his family blindly.

They betrayed him. I tried to warn him many times but he couldn't understand it. They used his dependence on them and threatened his financial stability. He had been trying for months enduring abuse (physical mental emotional) but he couldn't take it anymore.

I feel worried for him. I always think of him as my little baby. I wish I could hate him but he is so kind, it's impossible to hate him. He's very innocent, his own family betrayed him.

I hate them especially his dad, that is how he rewarded him for expanding his business by giving up his own career aspirations.

I feel immense pain. I have got fever, hazy vision, cannot shut my eyes as I start seeing weird patterns and it makes my skin itchy because I have trypophobia. I am losing myself. Ik it has only been a day but idk what to do.

I need to open up.

​

Well this Rant is actually about yesterday.

Yesterday my bf's mother (now ex bf) called me to break up.

I mean your son can't even break up on his own?

And she told me not to contact "her son", no name just " Her son" Like she was marking a territory.

This lady has been unable to get her elder son(my ex's elder sibling) married in an arrange marriage set up for the past 4 years. Everyone rejects their family and yet she sees no fault in herself or her son.

The elder son is so regressive. He never talks to any girl be it his friend's girlfriend he has hung out with several times. He just keeps quiet and behaves like she is not there on the table. When asked about the kind of girl he wants to marry by his own parents he said anyone they like. It's like he has no interest in her going to be SO.

His mother said stuff like -: if we don't like the elder sister we will get you engaged to the younger one. For one of the elder brother's ristas. She thinks what girls are commodities lining to marry her spineless raja beta and she gets to choose which version to pick?

Her only achievement is having two sons . Her husband however never takes a stand for her and her sons. She plans to pass on the same trauma to her DIL of her caste.

His elder brother even said stuff about my character to his friend. Despite him not knowing me. He even called me jobless because I video called my ex at 11am despite me earning more than him and being more qualified.

All these moms and their Raja betas feel like they can do anything and have such high sense of entitlement. Because of them men, mothers and other people who are good, have healthy boundaries and a spine are looked down upon the society. Like see he supports his wife / or she supports her dil, let her live, don't torture her, such bad people they don't know how to manage family.

My boyfriend's (24M Indian) mother called me (25F Indian) today to break up. It was just a 21 seconds call, she told me that I should not message or text "her son" Hence forth. I asked her what happened but she cut the call.

It felt very undignified and like she was marking a territory.

Later he texted me and told me that his dad even told him to leave business, threatened his financial security, asked him to move out of the house, move in with me and never come back even if they die and go over their dead bodies.

They have even taken his sim and phone away from him. I have texted his best friend to check on his given the deeply abusive background of his family.

For the background: my boyfriend and I have been dating for some time ,extremely happy together and we wanted to get married.

I told him to keep it a secret at least till the end of this year to gain more stability financially and emotionally.But he would show his parents all the gifts I sent him. His dad blackmailed him/abused him financially,emotionally , physically to stop talking to me but he continued . He Told his brother , who believes in arrange marriage strictly, that he will marry me. He even told his mother who acted like she will cross the bridge when it comes. His brother outed him to his dad who left no stone unturned to abuse him. His dad hit him, called him names, emotionally manipulated him.

He graduated and joined his dad's business and has been working with him for 3 years, so he is earning well but is completely dependent on his dad's business and it is difficult to get a job 3 years after graduation.

I am earning too, I told him earlier looking at the abusive situation at his household that he can come live with me and work in my dad's business if the situation at his house becomes unbearable because I felt it is my responsibility to help him. He however could bear the thought of staying away from his family.

The Questions:

I really need to know, what is this.

1. Should I try to help him And if yes how?

2. Have you been there ever? How did you deal with it?

3. I am in touch with his best friend should I suggest anything to help him? If so what?

**TL;DR;** : My boyfriend(24M) and I(25F) wanted to get married after a healthy relationship but decided to tell his super conservative and abusive family after a year . I am an sde (1yoe) and he works in his dad's business (3yoe) after graduating. He however couldn't keep the secret and would often show the gifts and other stuff I sent him to his family, which is why they started suspecting him (no clarity yet) and abused him , verbally, emotionally, threatened to abandon him and throw him out, basically financially, hit him. He sustained, he would break up for a day when it would happen but be back together. I even offered to bear both our expenses and he could work at my father's business if he likes to because I couldn't see him in more pain but he couldn't bear the thought of leaving his family.

He told his brother that he wanted to marry me who was straight up against it because he believes in arranged marriage and he even told his mom who was partly supportive but wanted to cross the bridge when it comes. His brother outed him to his father who said mean stuff to him, later his mother called me and asked me never to talk to "her son" Again and I got to know from my boyfriend that his father has asked my boyfriend to leave home over his dead body and never come back and now he is taking away his sim and other access that was our last conversation. I texted his best friend about it so he can go check up on him.

My questions are as :

1. Should I try to help him And if yes how?

2. Have you been there ever? How did you deal with it?

3. I am in touch with his best friend should I suggest anything to help him? If so what?