Sober without AA?
What was your experience leaving the fellowship/deprogramming?
Did you find a substitute for AA, or did you just move on with your life and remained alcohol free?
I really could use some advice right now (this will be very long, please have patience with me)
I've been a part of AA for a few years, never finished the steps and never found the "solution" helpful in terms of staying sober more than about 8 months.
But i must admit i've had mostly a positive experience with the fellowship (meetings, AA events etc) and i like the principles of the program. What i can't get behind is the rigid dogmatic approach and the black-and-white view on alcoholism (i'm aware it might be helpful to some but to me it's just too simplistic) not to mention how most of the shares go back to "I'm sick, i'm diseased" or "I'm just an alcoholic", like it's a part of your personality/identity.
It's so disempowering and doesn't promote healing.
"I drink because i'm an alcoholic..." Really?
Why not get to the root cause WHY you dink, WHAT causes you to relapse, and so on? Is it really because you're just an alcoholic, self-will run riot...or is it because there are other factors that trigger your addiction and maladaptive coping strategies?
I also don't like how you're always the problem, "What did you leave out in your step 4," etc
What if you need therapy...what if you need to actually change aspects of your life instead of hiding in the rooms all day and identify yourself as an alcoholic like it's some form of mantra?
I find it hard to believe we're fundementally different from others because we've developed a destructive relationship to alcohol. Is it really a disease? What if it's a deeply learned coping mechanism?
What's the difference between an addiction to alcohol and being addicted to sugar or junk food, for example?
Isn't it the same thing, same behaviour...
And what is a "real alcoholic"- and a heavy/problem drinker, really? Isn't addiction ADDICTION?
I don't know. I'm starting to think maybe all of this is just made up.
With that said, AA or the community has been helpful because of my lack of social support but the culty aspects of AA makes me consider leaving, for good.
But it's hard, because i've learned a lot and i like the spiritual aspects of the whole thing...and i lack community. But i feel like i can't be authentic in that environment and it seems like (even though many have achieved sobriety and now live a functional life) most of them haven't moved on and still seem stuck in their alcoholism, because you'll never recover, lol.
I'm thinking about trying out something else. Maybe Lifering, because i know i'll need some community at least.
I live in Scandinavia (Europe) and we don't really have many options over here, but i did find a Lifering meeting just outside my hometown, but that's about it.
Besides me ranting i'm in a much better place now compared to last year. I've cut down on meetings drastically and try to strive for a more holistic approach. Body Mind Spirit.
I don't think i can see myself doing AA any longer, honestly.
How did manage to leave AA after many years of being involved?