u/Ok-Pace-8681

So I made a post a little while ago about this situation and it has continued to escalate and I don’t know what to do anymore to protect my family and mental health.

Here’s a recap and what has happened since.

I’m currently pregnant with our second baby (due in July) and we already have an almost 2 year old. Honestly I feel like my entire life and support system has completely blown up over the last few weeks and I genuinely don’t know handle this anymore since everyone around me is minimizing this situation.

My husband’s brother “Ryan” has a long history of drug abuse, jail/prison, theft, lying, and stealing from family members. He’s currently on parole. A few weeks ago I overheard my MIL talking to his parole officer and the conversation was basically that he had two choices, rehab or jail, because he has been pissing dirty for months because he is on meth again.

Shortly after that he moved into my MIL’s house, which is literally a block away from us.

Ever since then I haven’t felt safe. I’m pregnant, home a lot with our toddler, and my husband works long hours. My MIL was also supposed to be our main support person after the baby is born, so this situation affects our daily life a LOT more than people seem to understand.

The issue was never just that he exists. It was that my MIL repeatedly ignored boundaries after we said we were uncomfortable.

She would show up unannounced with him, try including him in family things involving our son, continue pushing interactions after we already said no, and every time there was some new issue involving him we somehow got dragged into the fallout.

At one point he borrowed her car and disappeared. She called me during my work day needing me to drive 30 minutes away to pick her up because she claimed he had “gone to rehab.” Turns out he never even went.

After weeks of this I finally hit my breaking point emotionally and sent my MIL a harsh text basically saying I didn’t want her around our children while she continued enabling him. I also told her she would not be meeting our unborn daughter right now and asked her to stop buying baby stuff.

I was emotional, overwhelmed, pregnant, exhausted, and honestly terrified. But it was also the first time I had directly spoken up instead of just letting my husband handle everything quietly.

After that everything spiraled.

Instead of anyone actually acknowledging WHY I felt unsafe, the entire family shifted focus onto ME and my emotional reaction.

My SIL started sending me long messages about how I “don’t know how to set boundaries properly” and how I “didn’t handle it with grace.” My MIL cried nonstop and suddenly everyone was treating me like I was some unstable monster for upsetting her.

Meanwhile my husband was texting family members saying I was falling apart, nonstop crying, saying I wished I was dead, etc. To be fair, I WAS emotionally overwhelmed. I felt completely unsupported and devastated because I felt like our entire support system was disappearing right before I give birth.

But then things crossed a line for me.

My MIL and SIL started talking about having me “302’d” and committed to a psych ward because of how emotional I was over the situation. My MIL literally texted my husband:
“We have admit her to the psych ward using code 302.”

That completely shattered any trust I had left.

Instead of hearing:
“pregnant woman feels unsafe around unstable family member with a history of addiction/criminal behavior”

they heard:
“I am the problem.”

Then my MIL compared me to Ryan’s “crazy/toxic/addict” ex and told me my husband seemed “scared” of me the same way Ryan was scared of his ex.

Meanwhile all I kept trying to explain was:

I do not trust him
I do not trust people who repeatedly ignore my boundaries involving him
I am not willing to gamble my children’s safety because everyone wants to believe he changed
I am exhausted from having my concerns constantly minimized

Now everyone keeps insisting:

he passed a drug test
the parole officer conversation “wasn’t true”
he’s changed
he has PTSD from prison
I’m overreacting
I have some “vendetta” against him

But honestly even IF all of that is true… am I not still allowed to decide who I trust around my kids?

What hurts the most is that before all of this I genuinely loved my MIL. We were close. I wanted her heavily involved with our children. Losing that relationship has absolutely destroyed me emotionally.

But at this point I don’t trust her anymore because every boundary somehow became about protecting his feelings instead of understanding why I felt unsafe in the first place.

IDK how to move on from this I’m so devastated and unsupported and don’t feel safe

So I made a post a little while ago about this situation and it has continued to escalate and I don’t know what to do anymore to protect my family and mental health.

Here’s a recap and what has happened since.

I’m currently pregnant with our second baby (due in July) and we already have an almost 2 year old. Honestly I feel like my entire life and support system has completely blown up over the last few weeks and I genuinely don’t know handle this anymore since everyone around me is minimizing this situation.

My husband’s brother “Ryan” has a long history of drug abuse, jail/prison, theft, lying, and stealing from family members. He’s currently on parole. A few weeks ago I overheard my MIL talking to his parole officer and the conversation was basically that he had two choices, rehab or jail, because he has been pissing dirty for months because he is on meth again.

Shortly after that he moved into my MIL’s house, which is literally a block away from us.

Ever since then I haven’t felt safe. I’m pregnant, home a lot with our toddler, and my husband works long hours. My MIL was also supposed to be our main support person after the baby is born, so this situation affects our daily life a LOT more than people seem to understand.

The issue was never just that he exists. It was that my MIL repeatedly ignored boundaries after we said we were uncomfortable.

She would show up unannounced with him, try including him in family things involving our son, continue pushing interactions after we already said no, and every time there was some new issue involving him we somehow got dragged into the fallout.

At one point he borrowed her car and disappeared. She called me during my work day needing me to drive 30 minutes away to pick her up because she claimed he had “gone to rehab.” Turns out he never even went.

After weeks of this I finally hit my breaking point emotionally and sent my MIL a harsh text basically saying I didn’t want her around our children while she continued enabling him. I also told her she would not be meeting our unborn daughter right now and asked her to stop buying baby stuff.

I was emotional, overwhelmed, pregnant, exhausted, and honestly terrified. But it was also the first time I had directly spoken up instead of just letting my husband handle everything quietly.

After that everything spiraled.

Instead of anyone actually acknowledging WHY I felt unsafe, the entire family shifted focus onto ME and my emotional reaction.

My SIL started sending me long messages about how I “don’t know how to set boundaries properly” and how I “didn’t handle it with grace.” My MIL cried nonstop and suddenly everyone was treating me like I was some unstable monster for upsetting her.

Meanwhile my husband was texting family members saying I was falling apart, nonstop crying, saying I wished I was dead, etc. To be fair, I WAS emotionally overwhelmed. I felt completely unsupported and devastated because I felt like our entire support system was disappearing right before I give birth.

But then things crossed a line for me.

My MIL and SIL started talking about having me “302’d” and committed to a psych ward because of how emotional I was over the situation. My MIL literally texted my husband:
“We have admit her to the psych ward using code 302.”

That completely shattered any trust I had left.

Instead of hearing:
“pregnant woman feels unsafe around unstable family member with a history of addiction/criminal behavior”

they heard:
“I am the problem.”

Then my MIL compared me to Ryan’s “crazy/toxic/addict” ex and told me my husband seemed “scared” of me the same way Ryan was scared of his ex.

Meanwhile all I kept trying to explain was:

I do not trust him
I do not trust people who repeatedly ignore my boundaries involving him
I am not willing to gamble my children’s safety because everyone wants to believe he changed
I am exhausted from having my concerns constantly minimized

Now everyone keeps insisting:

he passed a drug test
the parole officer conversation “wasn’t true”
he’s changed
he has PTSD from prison
I’m overreacting
I have some “vendetta” against him

But honestly even IF all of that is true… am I not still allowed to decide who I trust around my kids?

What hurts the most is that before all of this I genuinely loved my MIL. We were close. I wanted her heavily involved with our children. Losing that relationship has absolutely destroyed me emotionally.

But at this point I don’t trust her anymore because every boundary somehow became about protecting his feelings instead of understanding why I felt unsafe in the first place.

IDK how to move on from this I’m so devastated and unsupported and don’t feel safe

I’m currently pregnant with our second child (due in July), we already have an almost 2-year-old, and I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed and conflicted about a situation involving my husband’s family.

My husband’s brother has a long history of drug abuse, theft, jail, and stealing from family members. He’s currently on parole and recently I overheard his parole officer say he was using meth again and needed to either go back to jail or go to rehab. Instead, he ended up getting evicted and is now living with my MIL literally a block away from us.

I genuinely do not feel safe. He has stolen from family before, he’s unstable, broke, desperate, and possibly has access to a gun. I’m also pregnant and the sole day-to-day caregiver for our toddler while my husband works 50-60 hours a week from home, so a lot of the mental load and responsibility falls on me.

We also don’t have much of a support system outside of my MIL, which makes this even harder because she was supposed to be our main support person after the baby is born.

The hardest part is that my MIL keeps trying to include him in everything despite us repeatedly saying we are not comfortable with it. She shows up unannounced with him, brings him around our home and children, and continues trying to force family interactions involving him. Whenever things go wrong because of him, we also somehow get dragged into helping fix the situation.

Example: recently he borrowed her car, disappeared, and she called me during my work day needing me to drive 30 minutes away to pick her up because he supposedly “went to rehab.” Turns out he never even went to rehab.

I finally reached a breaking point and told her very clearly that I do not want him around our family, our children, or our home at all. I also told her I needed distance from her too because I feel like she constantly enables him and ignores our boundaries.

Now she keeps trying to send gifts for our unborn daughter through other family members after I asked her to stop bringing things over. Meanwhile she is crying and devastated over the boundaries I’m setting about not allowing her around my son and soon-to-be-born daughter, while at the same time continuing to enable and protect her drug addicted son and force him into our lives.

At this point I honestly want complete distance from the situation because I feel emotionally exhausted, unsupported, and honestly scared.

Part of me feels guilty because she was supposed to be our main support person after the baby is born, but now I feel like I can’t trust the situation anymore.

Am I overreacting for wanting complete distance from both of them right now? Or are my boundaries reasonable given the circumstances?