Is it hopeless or is there any point trying to get officially diagnosed with NPD? tl;dr at the end
tl;dr at the end.
After spending a lot of time looking into my past and reading about narcissism and covert narcissism online, I (28M) think that I'm probably a covert/vulnerable narcissist. It's been about 2 months since then and I'm still in my first "aware" collapse. I've had narcissistic injuries before, but I didn't know what it was at the time. After the first month, I told my best friend that I'm a covert/vulnerable narcissist. Now I find it extremely draining talking to family and close friends that I want to avoid them but I don't. I've also become very paranoid and overthink everything they say or can't even think of anything to say when I'm with them because I can barely put my mask on. I think I'm in hard denial because I keep trying to see whether there could be another possibility and that I'm not actually a covert narcissist.
I don't know anymore. I feel like trying to get a diagnosis is another way of avoiding accountability or just a way for me to get something I want without the intent to heal. Another thing I'm scared about is that whoever does the assessment won't be able to tell. I've been seeing a psychotherapist but she doesn't think I'm a covert narcissist and I don't know anymore.
I'm just very exhausted, scared, and confused.
tl;dr: Self diagnosed covert/vulnerable narcissist, don't know if getting a diagnosis is to actually help me try to heal or just a way to avoid taking accountability and keep masking. Is it actually hopeless?