u/Provenceflowers

I (25F) am swiss and am just getting staaaarted with investing - i just graduated in Paris and will be doing an internship there too and hopefully find a job there even though i KNOW the pay there is diabolical. The whole jobmarket at the moment is just a shit show everywhere.
However, my quality of life is just so much better there still. I do eventually want to come back though , hence why I am asking and inquiring here. Next month i will do my Abmeldung in Switzerland officially and i heard I cant contribute to my 3rd Pillar anymore once I’m no longer a citizen living primarily in Switzerland. I “tried” my best the last year and managed roughly 6K in my 3rd Pillar.
My emergency savings are at 11K.
Mind you, i wish i had started this a lot earlier but i was never taught about money, my parents didnt know this, hence i just stumbled upon this last year. Please be kind.

Now i want to invest some money that I will receive from my grandpa. I also want to invest monthly a tiny small amount to familiarize myself with the investing world.
My mom suggested investing into the CHF with UBS since her bf worked there for over 40 years and gets some good perks. But i also would love to invest in an ETF. Some people said its ok to just put some of it in one all world etf and call it a day - some said keep it more diversified.

Realistically, with my mere humble salary of my internship in Paris, i will most likely only be able to contribute about 25 - 50 CHF a month to my ETF.
So my question is to everyone who is on their way to FIRE , who maybe had had experience living abroad etc.
If you were me, knowing what you know now, what would you do?

I (25F) am posting here because I really want honest insight, especially from people who understand avoidant/depressive dynamics and not just simple “leave him” advice.

My ex (24M) and I were together for about 1.5 years. There was real love, real depth, and a very strong bond. He called me the love of his life, his soulmate, gave me a promise ring, etc. But the relationship also got heavy. He was struggling a lot with depression, ADHD, avoidance, low self-worth, passivity, and feeling like he had no drive in life. I became more anxious and insecure over time, and I also struggled with retroactive jealousy that got worse toward the end. My outbursts and questioning got more intense, especially because I felt like I was carrying both of us emotionally while also juggling school, job applications, family stress, and my dad’s dementia.

So yes, there was tension. But the communication and the actual breakup still did not match. He had expressed being overwhelmed, but the breakup still felt abrupt and out of the blue because of how suddenly he emotionally collapsed and left. It felt like he went from “I love you” to “I can’t do this” without really trying things like space, therapy, or a slower transition.

About 2.5 weeks after the breakup, we had what was supposed to be a closure talk. That conversation was incredibly confusing because you could clearly feel that we were still deeply in love with each other. He even said that the thought of touching someone else disgusted him, and I felt the same. It felt like eternity had passed even though it had only been a short time. At the same time, he kept saying maybe we weren’t compatible, but the whole talk had to be cut short because he got overwhelmed emotionally. To me it felt like he was trying to detach unsuccessfully, and that he still loved me too much to really hold that cold, rational line.

Then, within about a month of the breakup, he went on Hinge, talked to people, and had two one-night stands. That completely shattered me because it felt so incompatible with what he had said and how that closure talk felt. He now says both were self-sabotage / “burn the boats” behavior because he wanted to force the door shut and make sure there was no going back. He says he felt numb during both, repulsed after, and that it came from avoidance, shame, no self-love, and trying to detach through sex. He says it was horrible, selfish, and that he regrets it immensely.

Since then, we’ve seen each other multiple times. One of those nights was extremely emotional: lots of crying, kissing, sex, him telling me I’m still the love of his life, that he can’t imagine anyone else, and that he now sees relationships do not require perfect compatibility to work. He says he fell into old destructive patterns, was trying to force himself not to feel, and now wants to work on himself, give me all the time/space I need, and see if there is any chance of rebuilding in the future.

The problem is: I still love him, but my trust is shattered. Mentally I can understand some of what he’s saying, but my body does not feel safe. I even noticed that after sleeping together again, emotionally I still loved him, but physically the next morning my body felt resistance/discomfort.

Right now, the idea is maybe doing one weekly check-in while we both go to therapy / work on ourselves, with real space in between. No sex if we do this seriously. But I honestly don’t know if that’s wise or if I’m just struggling to let go of someone I still deeply love.

I guess my questions are:

- Does this sound like genuine avoidant/depressive self-sabotage and collapse, or selfishness dressed up as insight afterward?
- Has anyone actually seen someone change after this kind of behavior, not just regret it?
- Is weekly structured contact a terrible idea when trust is this broken?
- How do you tell the difference between real remorse/growth and someone panicking because they finally feel the loss?

I know from the outside it may sound obvious. But from the inside, it’s much messier because the love, regret, and connection all seem very real too.