I have the feeling I am lying to myself every time I try to do something about this.
I’ve had ocd for quite some time, and I want to get further help with it. However, when I try to get help, I just find myself thinking I am exaggerating, or in a want for attention, and that nothing is wrong with me. Whilst I think this is false, and I try to get help anyway, another thought manifests, this one being that people have it worse than me.
And that is in part correct. I have a mostly stable life, I’ve the ability to play MTG and follow hobbies, and relative financial freedom. And this in part makes me believe that I don’t need help, because the next guy or a friend I know needs it more than I do.
I get the thoughts and urges and routines, and at one point planned my entire “sudoku” in a night. I found myself testing a knife’s sharpness on my wrist, where the vein is.
And with all this, I take my thoughts to be worthless. Even whilst writing this I feel that I’m just doing it for attention. And I feel most people here have it worse than me. I feel I need no therapist and that I’m essentially a waste of time for them.
*side note I also feel like I’m autistic? Could that be normal as well? I may be.*
Is this something I must deal with, with my meds and my therapist?
and I feel that I am a mere outsider and my friends are just friends to make me feel better about myself(granted I am friends with people you could deem introverted and not too popular, but they’re cool).
this is my first time ever venting like this. Thank you for reading this, with its excessive nature.