Aita for hooking up with my best friends dad?
Now I know the title makes me look bad but I really need to vent this out because I feel like I’m going crazy.
I (25 f) got really drunk one night with my best friend (22 f) let’s call her T. Drinking was not uncommon, we studied together and drank most weekends to let off some steam.
Background, I realised around 22-23 I had a bad relationship with alcohol, I would tend to keep going until I blacked out and did some really stupid things. Once I started it was very hard for me to stop. When I met T we instantly clicked, I had never felt a platonic soul connection with someone ever before. She understood me like no one else had before, we had similar upbringings and could talk about anything. She was literally the light in my world. Now, her family owned a bar in our small town and when I was 18-21ish I used to work for them, that was in the peak of my blacking out days (I was running from things), they did not like this friendship at all. As me and T got closer it felt like I had found my other half, her family slowly started to accept me and I felt like life was coming together again.
Fast forward we go out one night and get incredibly drunk, like 4 bottles of wine, tequila shots and 12-16 drinks each kinda drunk. I remember us having some sort of silly argument, me running away (typical) and then bumping into her dad. I remember hysterically crying scared I had ruined the friendship, he comforted me and then next thing I remember we are kissing in a different location. I will spare you the details but I 100% am sure it was her dad (who is married and has kids btw). I’m not sure what happened after but I ended up back at Ts house screaming and crying in her arms, guess my subconscious knew I fucked up reaaaallll bad. T didn’t know why I was crying but stayed up with my till I fell asleep. She was a really good friend to me.
The next day i tried to ignore it, told myself it didn’t happen and wondering if I keep it to myself or tell her. I ended up walking back home while she was asleep. After a few days I texted T telling her we needed to talk. My stomach dropped when she came over, I told her that me and her dad had hooked up and yalll, watching the smile from her face drop was the biggest heartbreak, I knew then the friendship was over. She ended up calling her step mum and everyone in her family and told them what I had said, which resulted in me getting a few phone calls from upset people. I 100% owned my shit.
The dad denied the whole thing, said I was making allegations and that he would never do such a thing. He started to convince everyone that would listen that I was crazy and making up lies because that’s apparently “who I always was”. I don’t even know how, but he even got to all the people I studied and do theatre with. He went as far to claim I had put up a rape case against him (I did not), all I did for months was hide in my room filled with the guilt and shame about how much I hurt my best friend. I ended up having to leave my degree because everyone believed him and not me, that honestly hurt so bad. I felt like I was fighting a loosing battle because why am I out here trying to convince people that it did happen, it doesn’t make me look good at all. I tried talking to T again thinking we could make study work but all it did was make me more paranoid that everyone around me thought I was this crazy girl. It got to me so damn much that i actually attempted to end my own life. Yeah dark times, I’m still here though, so yay?
Anyway, I’ve been going to therapy and AA since the attempt and been put on meds but this event keeps repeating in my head. Am I the asshole for hooking up with my best friend’s dad? Or should he have put me in a taxi knowing how intoxicated I was. Like even if I threw myself at him he should have pushed me away and made sure I got home instead of carrying it on? Idk I feel like I’m going crazy, consumed by guilt most days but something in me is so angry that I am the only one who is facing the consequences while he gets away with it all. What do I do now?? How do I move on? I feel like I’ve lost my other half and on top of that, no one (expect my family) believes me. Any advice welcomed