AITA for having the guts to confront my emotionally abusive mom but not my neglectful dad who left us?
So a year and a half ago my (22) father (53) left me, my siblings, and my mother (54) for another woman in her 30s and her young son. He's been "keeping a relationship with his kids" but not really putting in much effort and using the excuse that it's hard because he lives an hour away now. Most of our interactions have been initiated by me. Well I just spent some one on one time with him for birthday which was yesterday, and on the car ride home it comes up that he's going to be in Myrtle Beach for a week for Father's Day - the obvious implication being that he's taking his new family. I get home and tell my mom about this (even though she's working; I should have been smart and waited) and she understandably flips. When I was young *we* all went there for Father's Day, and he hasn't taken any of us on a trip in years.
My mom tells me that she wants me to tell him how that makes me feel ASAP, but I tell her I'm not sure when. I've already promised her I'll write him a letter with all my complicated feelings in it before summer is over because I'm leaving for a new school this Fall. But she wanted me to tell him immediately. Admittedly, I get very nervous confronting my father. I get nervous confronting most people, and put it off as long as I can. But my mother, who has been emotionally and verbally abusive towards me almost my entire life, has been confronted by me PLENTY, so this pisses her off. It's easier with her because she's mad at me all the time so I'm used to it, but I get very nervous about other people being mad at me. Furthermore, the pain she causes me is more immediate and the pain my father causes me is easier to push to the back of my head - the words I want to say to my mother always bubble up, but the words I want to say to my father get pushed down.
She starts to get very angry, and I tell her this is *my* relationship with my father and my business. She's telling me that I've just shattered her with this news, and this is the one thing that will make her feel better, and I'm a selfish b*tch for not doing it, because how can I make *her* feel guilty all the time and let him get away with abandoning his family? We get into this huge fight for two hours, and I keep trying to tell her that when it comes to how he has hurt her, *she* has to tell him that (and she has but hasn't said much lately, yet has been telling me I need to "make him feel guilt and make him suffer"), and when it comes to how he has hurt me, she needs to let me handle it. It's fine for her to tell me that she thinks I need to say things to him, but not fine for her to torment me over it! And this is not even a new thing - since I was like,, 14, she's always been forcing me to send stuff to him like convincing him to come home after a fight when he blocks her, and screaming and swearing at me when I don't do it. I wanted her to leave me alone so I agreed to send him something tonight, and she still thinks she's 100% in the right. AITA?