u/equalmee

My wife is a very high-achieving person professionally, but she struggles with simple day-to-day tasks and household chores due to worsening ADHD. We’re considering mounting the Skylight Calendar Max in a high-traffic area so it’s always visible and easy to interact with.

The goal would be to:
- Visualize upcoming events and schedules
- Keep a daily/weekly/monthly chore list
- Reduce the mental load of remembering tasks
- Create more structure and consistency at home

For those who use it, has it actually become integrated into your daily life, or does it eventually become “background wallpaper” that gets ignored? Has it genuinely helped simplify routines and task management for ADHD households?

Would love honest feedback before pulling the trigger.

We’ve been together for about 11 years and married for 4. We’re both in our 30s with a 7-year age gap (she’s younger). Like most relationships, things started off with a lot of chemistry and intimacy. Around 3–4 years into dating, intimacy started declining, which was also around the time we moved in together. We both chalked it up to life stress because we were both in graduate school.

I finished school first and was the sole provider for a few years. Now we have an 18-month-old child, and the roles have shifted. She’s now the primary earner by a large margin (she makes about 4–5x my salary, though I still make six figures). Her work schedule is unpredictable and demanding, while mine is a standard Monday–Friday office job, so I handle most daycare drop-offs/pickups and a lot of the daily logistics.

Our intimacy issues worsened over time. The longest stretch without sex was almost two years — basically starting when she conceived. Between work, the baby, moving cities, and major life transitions while she finished training, we never really recovered.

I also have my own issues that contributed. I’ve struggled with erectile dysfunction for years. I couldn’t tolerate Viagra/Cialis side effects and eventually relied on Trimix injections, which is actually how we conceived our son. Over time I developed a needle phobia, which made intimacy even harder to initiate. Recently I underwent a penile implant surgery, but I’m still recovering and haven’t used it yet. My wife says the bigger issue now is that she no longer feels the emotional connection or spark.

Her love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. Mine are touch and acts of service. She says she wants more quality time together, more family dinners where I’m not distracted with chores, and simply going to bed together at the same time.

The problem is I genuinely feel like there are not enough hours in the day.

I handle most of the household responsibilities: dishes, laundry, trash/recycling, vacuuming, tidying up, daycare prep, house projects, and often work tasks late into the night. My wife has diagnosed ADHD and recently started medication, but she still struggles a lot with household upkeep. When I bring up simple daily tasks like wiping counters or helping keep the house organized, she often attributes it to her ADHD.

Most nights I’m up until midnight or 1am cleaning, packing our child’s lunch/backpack, finishing projects, or catching up on work. There have even been times she overslept for work and blamed me for “making her stay up too late.”

I love my wife deeply and don’t want to lose my marriage, but I’m completely exhausted. I feel like if I stop managing the house and everything else, things will fall apart. Our weekends are constantly booked with travel, events, or obligations, so I end up sacrificing sleep just to keep up with life.

We even have cleaners come monthly, but the day-to-day upkeep still falls mostly on me.

I know relationships need emotional investment, not just acts of service, but I honestly feel burned out and resentful. At the same time, I know she feels emotionally neglected and disconnected from me.

I don’t know how to rebuild emotional intimacy when I feel like I’m barely surviving day to day. Has anyone come back from something similar?

TL;DR: Married 4 years, together 11. Wife says she’s fallen out of love and no longer feels emotionally connected. We’ve had years of intimacy struggles complicated by my ED, stressful careers, a young child, moving, and major life changes. I handle most household responsibilities while feeling completely burned out. She wants more quality time and emotional connection, but I feel like I’m drowning just trying to keep life functioning.