u/idk_who_i_am_wtf

Genuinely, when i first started (barely 2 months ago, with at some point a 1 month break due to health and shit weather and exams) i felt like a improved quickly, but after like, 3 or 4 sessions, it felt like i wasn't improving, and it was pretty frustrating. With that you add worrying about what other people think of you plus 10 yo scooter kids that have no spatial awareness and run into you every 5 min, or random people using the skatepark as a sidewalk.

So i would end up hesitating, or not wanting to even go.

And when i would, after the session i would feel like i hadn't done anything really.

But today was very different and i had a lot of fun. I was mostly on my own, so did not have to worry about their judgement, and i could go anywhere in the skatepark, without worrying about running into someone else.

And the vibe was really good (calmness, warmth and sunset).

This day alone gave me back my motivation and rn im just excited to go again tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after the day after. Etc

And idk why but music also helps a lot. It just gave me more energy and confidence. I never listened to music at the skatepark before cause like, when there's other people it's better to hear them lol.

Cause when i listen to music, it cuts me off from what is around me, which is overall positive but not when i have to be careful not to hit someone...

So basically i got to know recently that i have scoliosis, as the title says it's 34°, and like last week i i talk to a doctor (a surgeon) about it and the conclusion is that, corset is useless in my case, and it doesn't seem severe enough for a surgery. But i will have to see the evolution of my scoliosis 6 months after. In the meantime i will have kinesitherapy.

I haven't started yet (not really the best moment, im moving in another city soon, but idk where and when yet, there aren't many good kinesitherapists in my area so yeah)

But like id like to do sports. For my scoliosis and overall health (im not the gealthiest person, like im not really fit, i have no strengh or anything like that)

I also need to strenghens my legs cause i have knee issues.

But mike it has to be something with no shock.

The issue is that i need something that fits me, and that's gonna be hard.

Swimming? Nah. I don't feel comfortable swimming

Yoga ? Nah.

Any type of exercise i have to do on my own or like at home ? Nah

Maybe going to the gym ? This is the only one i think i could really enjoy doing, and be able to do long term

après des années de recherches sur le sujet, j'ai finalement osé en parler à mes parents pour ensuite être diagnostiqué. Le seul problème c'est que je ne sais pas du tout quoi faire. Quel spécialiste est ce que je vais voir ? Je suspect aussi un tsa, donc il me faudrait un spécialiste qui savent s'y prendre avec et le tdah et le tsa si possible, mais, pour moi actuellement, le diag de tdah est plus important et urgent, le tsa ça peut attendre je pense.

Je dis que c'est urgent car l'année prochaine, je vais en université, donc pour commencer j'aimerai pouvoir être medicamenté aussi vite que possible (si mon pb est bien le tdah et que la medication fonctionne pour moi...) parce que là c'est de pire en pire pour moi. Je peux pas rester concentré en cours, je n'arrive pas à bosser du tout chez moi, sans parler des révisions (c'est un enfer)

Mais l'année prochaine ce sera pire. Cette année je pouvais facilement m'en sortir en révisant la veille, voir le matin même, mais en université ce sera pas possible, mes exams seront seulement tous les semestres, impossible de bosser un semestre entier en une spirée mdr.

Et ça me donne vraiment l'impression que je vais rater ma vie honnêtement. Ça me fait peur.

J'ai déjà abandonné un rêve (la médecine, impossible de faire de telles études, encore moins pendant 10+ ans) et j'ai pas envie d'abandonner ce que je souhaite maintenant faire.

Et autre petit problème l'année prochaine... je vivrai seul. (Ou ptetre en colloc)

Donc ça sent la merde pour moi.

Genre je suis incapable de faire la vaisselle presque. Même manger c'est compliqué. Dormir. M'organiser. Avoir un semblant de discipline. Faire les courses ??? Prendre des rdv chez le médecin ??? Me démerder ???

Avoir un diag ne va pas régler tous ça, c'est sûr, et ptetre que les médoc ça va pas fonctionner, mais au moins je serai sûr de ce qui va pas, et mes parents, surtout mon père, pourront enfin me prendre au serieux.

Mais du coup boilà jsp du tout c'est quoi le processus pour avoir un diagnostic, surtout assez rapidement.

Et surtout sans passer par mon médecin généraliste (je le connais personnellement et c'est un mec de 70 balais qu'est le style de mec à pas "croire" à la neurodiversité donc bon...)

Just wanted to talk about this. Im a young punk. A bit new to it. But i love it so much and feel so at home within the punk community.

So it's kinda like a poem, an eulogy, maybe. Idk i just wanted to write something.

I love the music. It helps me get up in the morning, and always follows me on my way to school, blasting in my headphones. Angry but upbeat songs are my favorite.

They make me feel confident in myself.

Make me feel better on gloomy days.

Make me dare to do things.

Like that random wednesday afternoon i was listening to music and discovered a random punk artist and ended up picking up kitchen scissors and went into the bathroom to give myself a new haircut. It's uneven, probably shite in the back but man it feels closer to me and each time i cut my hair on my own i feel so much more confident in myself. Ive always cared too much about what others think. Always scared of being judged. But each day im getting closer to not giving a shit about wether someone doesn't like the way i dress,

the way i speak,

the way i live,

the way i am.

And I love the people who make that music, share it, share their anger, their happiness, their sadness, their hope, their thoughts and their stories.

I love the ideology, the movement, the politics, what it stands for. It aligns with my values, that i hold onto strongly, it taught me so much and is still doing so, each and every day.

It makes me become a better person.

I will never be perfect. No one will ever be.

But what we can do is do better.

When i look back to who i was a few years ago, even just one year ago, i am proud of seeing how i evolved.

And I love the people who help each others out, who march in the streets, who evolve together, and whose ideology is rooted in kindness, support, community, and a wish, a fight for a better world.

I love the fashion, the clothes, the culture of diy, there is an endless creativity in the community, i see so many cool ass people, with cool ass jackets, pants, shirts, shoes, skirts and awesome hairstyles and it gives me so much inspiration, and made me realize i have so much space to be creative. I really like to learn the history and meaning being different styles, accessories or codes.

And I love the people who give tips and go out their way to teach other people about what they know.

Like when i went to the punk fashion sub recently to get advices on sewing. People were so helpful and sweet. Or these videos, that have both taught me so much about how to do shit with my hands and taught me about the history of the movement.

I love the energy in concerts. The vibe, the smell of beer and sweat mixed together, and definitely always some weed in the air, the mosh pits, the bass that i can feel in my heart, that makes the ground vibrate, the emotions, the way it makes me feel so alive, so in the present, the way i can move my body. I belong there.

And I love the people who make me feel like i belong. It's one of the only places i feel that way. As a queer person, i feel so welcomed.

I went to one of my first punk concerts earlier this year. The singer of the group highlight the fight of women, poc, queer people and especially trans people. I don't remember exactly what she said, but it moved me so strongly, and hearing the people in the crowd cheering to her words reminded me that yes, the current world we live in is rather shit, but there will always be people by our side.

It was the first time i cried at a concert. It felt great. Peaceful. I just closed my eyes and let the tears flow, and smiled, it made me so happy. I felt safe here.

It gives me so much faith in humanity.

There's probably a lot im forgetting but in the end it all comes down to the people.

I just want to thank all of them, all of you, who have made this exist, are keeping this alive and will make it exist as long as it is needed.

Thanks <3