The market is so bad that I'm wanting to live alone and single. My parents argue daily over one guy or other and somehow I feel guilty and responsible... the voices in my head says, I shouldn't feel like this... its my life and my future..
There's a part of me which yearns to have a decent boyfriend so this circus would end... but I'm not meeting anyone decent as well... SO HARD!!!!!!
Hey, I'm 25F and I've been on matrimony apps for the past few months. I recently received an alliance. My family says he has a good job, comes from a good family, and they are happy to accept our family as well( we're a middle-class family, though I earn well—actually, even more than he does despite him being in his 30s).
The problem is, I don't feel any joy or excitement when I look at his profile. Even the thought of meeting him doesn't make me feel happy. According to my family's rules, if I agree to meet someone, I can't reject him afterward (if I do so I will be labelled as a different creature). Because of that, I completely rejected the match, trusting my instincts.
Now my mom is very worried (i can really understand her feelings). She keeps saying, "What if you keep rejecting every proposal?" My family also tells me that arranged marriage is always like this—you don't feel anything in the beginning, and you'll eventually like the person after marriage. I honestly don't find that logic convincing.
Lately, I've started hating myself for being this way. I feel guilty because none of the other girls in my family gave their parents this much stress during their arranged marriage process. Whenever I attend a family function, everyone surrounds me and starts giving advice. Sometimes I wonder if I should have just been like the other girls in my family who didn't make things so difficult for their parents.
I don't know... maybe I'm wrong. I genuinely don't know. But if I don't feel even a small spark or any excitement about a person, it just doesn't feel right for me to move forward. I just wanted to pour out everything that's been on my mind because I've been feeling really worried lately.
28M confused about where I stand in an arranged marriage situation. Need some perspective.
I’m a 28M doing my medicine residency. Recently, through our families, I got to know a 27F who is also a resident doctor.
Our families met first, and the very next day her parents told mine that they liked me. A couple of days later, she and I met alone for a second time. The meeting went well, and before leaving she said she’d like to know me better before making a decision.
The next day she went back to her state to continue her residency.
Since then, our communication has been a bit confusing to me. Sometimes she’ll message first, but most of the time I’m the one initiating the conversation. Once I start the conversation, we usually chat normally and the flow is good. During our in-person meetings she seemed comfortable and interested, so I’m not getting any obvious negative signals.
The thing is, I have no idea where I stand.
I know residency is demanding (she has fixed 12-hour duties), so I don’t want to mistake being busy for being uninterested. At the same time, I don’t want to keep investing emotionally if she’s just being polite and has already made up her mind.
My biggest dilemma is this: if I step away too early, I might lose someone who genuinely wanted more time to get to know me. But if she’s actually not interested, I don’t want to keep chasing someone who’s only responding out of courtesy.
Should I just give her more time and continue talking naturally without overthinking? Or is the fact that I initiate most conversations a sign that her interest isn’t that strong?
I’d really appreciate opinions, especially from people who’ve been in arranged marriage situations or from resident doctors who understand how unpredictable residency life can be.