Trans & Non-Binary

Transmisogyny on this website is SO bad, and trans women get punished just for pointing it out. I just got banned from a "leftist" sub for pointing out how transmisogynistic a book being recommended in the replies was. This was on a post about transmisogyny specifically, and the book being recommended was not only not written by a trans woman, but has several diatribes about how trans women are "male socialized" and benefit from "male privilege. I'm the one who gets banned for pointing this out though.

Literal direct quote from this book btw: CW transphobia, transmisogyny

"Most trans women have “passed” as men (albeit as “sissy” ones) at least some point in their lives, and were thus given preferable treatments in education and employment, for example, whether or not they enjoyed being perceived as men. They have been trained to be assertive and confident, and some trans women manage to maintain these “masculine” traits, often to their advantage, after transitioning.

What is happening here is that we often confuse the oppression we have experienced for being gender-deviant with the absence of the male privilege. Instead of claiming that we have never benefited from male supremacy, we need to assert that our experiences represent a dynamic interaction between male privilege and the disadvantage of being trans."

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Specially pills if that matters

[22mtf]

“I'm going to say one last thing about the situation you are starting and it's this: you are so handsome, but I don't think you would be a pretty female and you're much too tall. Also instead of testing your body with things that are not normal for a male to do why not just be gay and maybe one day *my girlfriends name* will wanna be a man but she could just be a lesbian and then you could be a real couple?””

Then proceeded to wonder how my deceased father would think of this

“Oh my, whatever would ***** think? I think he called you Angel once too many times”

“Like me he would love you anyway but not sure he would want to see you that way.”

You often see online stuff like "Why are trans spaces so white?".

Statistically, most humans are not white. Even in countries like America, Britain, and Canada, millions of residents are not white. Assuming 1%-10% of the population is transgender, this means millions of trans people are POC.

So, there are a lot of trans people who are not white. They just aren't out in the same online spaces as white people.

Up until the late 2000s, trans men were seen as "rare" compared to trans women (and enbies were nonexistent). Studies show there are a pretty equal amount of trans men, trans women, and nonbinary people. Trans men just seemed like a minority for a variety of reasons.

Even on Reddit, you see people say trans men and enbies use the site less than trans women. But r/ftm and r/mtf are pretty much the same in terms of size. It's not that there are fewer trans men, but that they use different parts of the site.

I know a lot of transmasc people get uncomfortable with the major trans subs. So, there's often an alternative. r/ftm_irl or r/transmasc_irl instead of r/egg_irl, r/ftmtimelines instead of r/transtimelines, r/ftm instead of r/trans or r/asktransgender, etc.

Anecdotally, I find it fairly useless to ask nonbinary questions on r/asktransgender. Even transmasc related questions get fewer replies than transfemme ones. You're better off going to an enby or transmasc sub for questions.

Reddit itself, despite being the "front page of the internet", attracts specific demographics. Mainly English speakers (though there are large pockets of people who don't speak any English), mainly male, under 40, middle class or up, higher educated, left leaning, mainly white, into mainstream geek subcultures, etc.

IRL, I've seen and heard of just as many, if not more, brown, black, and Asian trans people then I have white trans people. They probably aren't lurking Reddit or Tumblr, though. And many aren't willing or interested in talking about being trans on Youtube or TikTok. Not everyone is gonna be Kat Blaque levels of out.

So I’m in school and in my Spanish class we split up in boys vs girls for a game. I went on the boys side because I’m out at school. The game goes fine and well, no one questions it and my teammates listen to what I have to say. But then at lunch, which is right in the middle of that period, some girls pulled me over and asked me if I was a boy and several of them were laughing. I felt really uncomfortable but said that yes, I was trans. Well they started laughing more and I walked away. Now I’m freaking out because I felt so uncomfortable instead of angry, does this mean I’m ashamed of being trans?! I didn’t think I was but in that moment I just wanted to deny it or crawl into a little hole. I thought I was stable in my identity but this is making me question not whether or not I’m trans but whether or not I’ve accepted it.

We have over 17,000 resources internationally and while that can sometimes feel like a drop in the bucket, I'd love to volunteer some time here.

If you are looking for a type of resource hmu here and I can use our database to see what I can find for you.

So last Xmas or 2 years ago, my dad got me this nice necklace and a showy feminine gift in front of the entire family. It even had one of those sentimental cards in it with the flashy poetic writing of "i can't promise to be there for the rest of your life, but I'll love you for the rest of mine" with a giant FOR MY DAUGHTER right on top.

Now, im fortunate to come from a middle class family. My dad is an accountant, got a full ride scholarship through college, works his ass off. I'll credit him for that. But hes manipulative in every way possible. He's gotten me jewelry in the past, along with my sister in laws, nieces, cousins, mother, etc. No ever really likes those gifts, but for me having always been a "tomboy" growing up, to just generally masc, to now being out as a man, no matter what excuse I give him I get these girly gifts that I end up throwing away and then he acts surprised I didn't like them.

Now that im out to my whole family, he went out of his way to get this super fancy necklace JUST FOR ME, with the daughter phrasing on it (hes never gotten ones with cards like this before), and pushed to show how much hes willing to spend on me (which hes boasted about my whole life) and got a special "luxury mahogany display box with included light upon opening." Its 18k gold.

I dont know why I kept it, probably something caused by trauma growing up and throwing shit away blah blah blah. Anyway, it just dawned on me I can SELL IT and because he was a jackass and got the super nice box, I could get even more for it!

Does anyone have any sort of advice about how to go about selling jewelry? I wouldn't know if people would try to buy it for less than its worth. Online says some stores sell it for 40, online shops say 55, and other sites/estimates say it can be 60-100 without the nice box being included.

Any thoughts would help. Obviously I got it for free, so any price is good. But I wanna milk it if I can, lol.

for context: I've been out for 4 years, I transitioned socially everywhere at the beggining and started HRT this year.

My mum is an abusive piece of shit, but since I moved out, I hoped for a better relationship with her since she has been more bearable since I moved out. She has never accepted me, actively avoided using my preffered pronouns, name, got all quiet and pissy every time I talked about my identity. Confronted, she said she "needs more time" and "it's difficult for her", after every attempt I made to educate and encourage her. I hoped she will get over it and we will have a relationship.

Well, yesterday I finally buried all that hope. Since starting HRT, it's been harder for her to ignore all the changes (with which I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT!! that voice?? moustache??? hell yeah brother), so now every talk meanders back to my gender identity. It happened yesterday and she finally said something that made me give up. She "supports" me (I don't have to tell you she does not), but it's "hard for her" since she sees I'm "living a lie", because she "gave birth to a daughter". I asked her if she values being "right" more than she values supporting me. She did not answer.

She said some of those things before, I don't know why it hit me like this just now. Maybe it's because I can see her

relationship with my stepsister, maybe the isolation I feel in this "family" finally became unbereable. There is nothing to be done about it. There is no chance for a fair relationship with her, it will always end up in me having to put myself down for her. It's just how she is. I'm going to get independent as soon as I can and cut her out completely.

holy shit im so happy :3

im wearing a long white skirt and its so spinnyyyyy, and a knitted cream jumper (it is summer and its warm but its so cute so i can take the heat lol) and some braclets and a necklace

my hair is also really nice and long and also i just shaved and im tucked (sorry if tmi)

IVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY I LOVE GENDER EUPHORIA :3

like i actually dont know how im going to go back to dressing masc after this :(

I mean I've just been looking at a lotta discourse through the internet, like I'm not on hrt or anything currently, but kinda just to evaluate stuff yk, that what works and what doesn't. And this is a point that does coming back and back, so I wanted to ask dat.

So long story short, a couple weeks ago I (26MtF) finally accepted myself after repressing myself for a long time and last week I talked to my wife (34F) about how I feel and that I think I want to transition. She did not take it well to put it simply and it was mostly religious views about how being Trans is a sin. Her main I guess argument was that trans (and all LGBT people) can choose to not engage with being LGBT but "choose God" and force themselves to not be LGBT. I already felt like that argument was coming from a weird place as she's always been accepting of others even if it's been in ignorant ways that are kinda LGBT phobic.

Well since then we both cooled down and tried to talk without the fiery emotions that we had the first couple times we talked and she has made it clear that my transitioning would end our relationship she never said it was because she doesn't want to be in a relationship with a woman or anything like that. It has always been this very odd religious "you need to choose God" view. Last night we talked again and she asked to try and explain why I want to transition, even saying that if I need to explore my feminine side more without transitioning that she would be okay with that, and I tried to have her understanding the best way I could think by having her imagine waking up in a guy's body but still knowing that she's a woman. She was having a hard time with it, saying how she'd be okay with it and stuff so finally I asked her "If you could press a button right now to change your body to a guy's, would you press it?" After probably 2 or 3 minutes of thinking she said she would not press it right now.

This led to us talking more about how she felt and finally she admitted that growing up she wanted to be a guy, and didn't like how her body changed and grew. But her parents always said that she is a girl and that's what God wants her to be. She said she eventually decided that she would accept living as a woman and that doing so was "choosing God" over her own wants. She refused to admit or accept that she still has those feelings still but later as we sat there she very quietly said that they are not often and she can push them down.

I really think she may be Trans and has repressed it so long and put so much religious pressure on herself she can't accept it and her sudden transphobia to me is because she can't accept herself and is hurt that I accepted myself. I want to help her but I don't know how, especially because I know that I need to transition and that the sooner I start the more likely she will push me away. What do I do? Do I help her, if so how?

I'm 5 months on HRT, in a place where it's not illegal to be trans, but it is relatively conservative. I have already lost a job from being trans (despite taking efforts to hide it from the employer and present as my AGAB).

Internally, I've decided to not even attempt to socially transition until after electrolysis is done. And even then, maybe not until FFS is done.

But I want to hear from those who have taken that step, especially presenting fem at work. How far into HRT were you when you did it? Pre-HRT? Same time? Years later? And how did it go? What was your environment? Did you have cis women around to help you? (Sounds crazy, but being in a foreign country, I don't exactly have conversation or friendship access with everyone around me).

It was sprung on us in a paired-up group setting that we had to introduce the other party, including their exact pronouns, to the group but we weren't told to discuss them beforehand. I am nonbinary and dysphoric, then using they/them pronouns but still “girlmoding”. My assigned partner was an alternatively-styled woman, and I didn’t realize she was trans at the time. I panicked and asked her for her pronouns in front of her group, because from her style I thought she could be using a mix of pronouns, and I wanted to make sure she’d ask for mine back. God, I was so anxious. I feel terrible for not going about it in a discreet way.

It feels strange, in retrospect, to have to publicly suggest another person's gender identity, possibly outing them in the process. I don't know.

I’m starting to socially transition and figure my gender out better, and I’m going by they/she for the first time. Like if you want to use just one use they/them, but I still like she/her sometimes.

I am pretty feminine rn, with both my presentation and my features, and I know that people will default to she/her and I won’t be able to stop it once it’s started.

From what I’ve heard teachers do give opportunities to share pronouns and Im probably just gonna say “they/she, but mainly they” and hope that works. I could also use they/them for introductions and just tell friends? Idk. Any other they/she’s (or they/hes) out there what do y’all do

> Sees posts of most trans women getting changes 1-2 years into HRT and just looking good in general

> Be me, 1.5 years on HRT, got laser hair removal, no changes in sight. Still look like a cis guy and ugly

Absolute peak cinema 💀💀💀

And my dad agrees. His biggest concern is not being able to visit relatives anymore. My mom is screaming and crying non stop whenever we‘re together. And when she‘s alone in the kitchen or her bedroom I can hear her whine to herself and say desperate prayers. It‘s some overidentification with being a mother - specifically the mother of a daughter - and „sacrificing herself“ to prevent her „beautiful god given girl“ from making a mistake. We were queuing for something recently and in front of us were two (presumably) trans women. My mom looked a them with disgust and said, she couldn‘t leave her daughter to these „sick“ people and my dad agreed. He‘s not as emotional as her but he made it clear that he would never accept me and said if I go through with it I‘m definitely destroying their family.
I was hopeful for my future for a moment because my favorite professor offered me a job as a research assistant starting in September although he‘s catholic and knows I‘m trans. He perecived me as a man from the start and when he found out I was trans it was such a non issue and he never misgendered me. I‘m now scared my parents will find out that I‘m going to socially transition at uni in September. Then my mom will either hurt herself or try to have me comitted in a psych ward or she is going to kick me out. I have nowhere near enough saved up to survive on my own in Switzerland (expensive af) and dropping out of uni is out of the question for me. It was so obvious that I was trans ever since I was little. There were so many signs and I first came out about 5 years ago. My parents haven‘t warmed up to it one bit since then. And my mom would rather mourn a dead daughter than have a „fake“ son (her words). Apart from being financially dependent, how do I even deal with knowing this is how she feels?

If I gotta be honest, this is something that's been bothering me for a while. I finally came into terms with wanting to become a man. I'm 100% confident on wanting T and getting surgery in the future. The only problem that's been bothering me is my name. I have a feminine name (Althea) and I really love it I think it's a nice name but I REALLY want to stick to being a man so I went for the best option (Anthony).

Look, I love both names. They both mean so much to me as a person but I've come to terms with the fact that I want to strictly identify as a man. What's your opinion on this?