u/MorlunKnight

So long story short, a couple weeks ago I (26MtF) finally accepted myself after repressing myself for a long time and last week I talked to my wife (34F) about how I feel and that I think I want to transition. She did not take it well to put it simply and it was mostly religious views about how being Trans is a sin. Her main I guess argument was that trans (and all LGBT people) can choose to not engage with being LGBT but "choose God" and force themselves to not be LGBT. I already felt like that argument was coming from a weird place as she's always been accepting of others even if it's been in ignorant ways that are kinda LGBT phobic.

Well since then we both cooled down and tried to talk without the fiery emotions that we had the first couple times we talked and she has made it clear that my transitioning would end our relationship she never said it was because she doesn't want to be in a relationship with a woman or anything like that. It has always been this very odd religious "you need to choose God" view. Last night we talked again and she asked to try and explain why I want to transition, even saying that if I need to explore my feminine side more without transitioning that she would be okay with that, and I tried to have her understanding the best way I could think by having her imagine waking up in a guy's body but still knowing that she's a woman. She was having a hard time with it, saying how she'd be okay with it and stuff so finally I asked her "If you could press a button right now to change your body to a guy's, would you press it?" After probably 2 or 3 minutes of thinking she said she would not press it right now.

This led to us talking more about how she felt and finally she admitted that growing up she wanted to be a guy, and didn't like how her body changed and grew. But her parents always said that she is a girl and that's what God wants her to be. She said she eventually decided that she would accept living as a woman and that doing so was "choosing God" over her own wants. She refused to admit or accept that she still has those feelings still but later as we sat there she very quietly said that they are not often and she can push them down.

I really think she may be Trans and has repressed it so long and put so much religious pressure on herself she can't accept it and her sudden transphobia to me is because she can't accept herself and is hurt that I accepted myself. I want to help her but I don't know how, especially because I know that I need to transition and that the sooner I start the more likely she will push me away. What do I do? Do I help her, if so how?

TW : thoughts of suicide and transphobia

I finally talked to my wife. It was a long talk that basically ended with her lecturing me about how if I don't like how I look or feel I need to go do something about it instead of sitting around crying. This was after she told me that God does not make mistakes and he made me a man and that's all I will ever be.

She said if I decide to pursue transitioning that she won't stop me and I can move in to the other side of the house, but made it clear she married a man and that's all she will ever see me as.

Now I'm starting at myself in the bathroom mirror and I'm fighting the temptation to grab my razor and either shave my face and put on make up, or splitting my wrists and ending it all.

I am so lost and alone, she is my rock and knowing she won't support me hurts so bad.

Update: I am at work and we barely talked this morning, she doesn't work on Fridays so I let her sleep in. She's up now and we have texted a little bit but nothing about what's going on with me or between us.

I have an appointment with my doctor in a couple weeks that was already scheduled because he put me on a new medicine for ADHD, I'm going to talk to him about my identity and the process of starting HrT. He's an ally and has been supportive in the past when I tried to accept myself years ago. I will also ask about seeing a therapist at the same time.

I'm going to give her time, and I'm going to talk to her more later. I know some of what was said in shock and she felt hurt, but after what was said last night when I told her and what all you amazing ladies have said to me I know now more than ever who I am. I am a woman and I was meant to be born this way. I have always struggled with religion but if there is a god then She made me this way on purpose.

I mean the name says it all, would it be a good/bad idea to try DIY hormone replacement to see how it makes me feel? I'm like 90% sure I'm a trans woman but the part of me that says I'm not and doesn't want to ruin my marriage says I should test it before I tell my wife... Good idea? Bad idea? Is there something else I should do?

I'm 25 AMAB, and I thought I was supposed to be a woman since I was young. My family never approved of anything so I stuffed the feelings deep deep down. It would resurface every so often and I nearly accepted it but something always made me bury it back down. Now I have been married for 4 years with the love of my life with a 15 year old step son who sees me as the best dad in the world.

I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and started medication for it and for the first time in my life I feel like I can think straight and understand my own thoughts and feelings like I never have before. That has caused me to finally start accepting who I think I really am but I'm afraid that telling my wife will ruin everything. She is a very loving person and tries to be very accepting of others but has struggles with how she was raised and can sometimes be homophobic and transphobic even though she doesn't realize it. I'm afraid to talk to her about how I feel, or even telling her that I want to see a professional about how I feel in general because we have always been so open and we have been each other's rocks and confidants.

Do I tell her I think I'm trans? Do I tell her I think I need to see a professional? Do I ask my Dr about it when I see him in a month when he checks on how I'm doing on my new meds, and then tell her it was his idea? Or do I just bury this again?