r/trans

Recently I’ve been seeing a lot of narratives in the community (predominantly trans women and transfemmes) claiming that 1) trans men’s experience with oppression under the patriarchy is invalid because they now identify as men, 2) that trans men all have male privilege, 3) that they’re just as harmful as cis men, and 4) that they’re, as a rule, awful to trans women.

Can someone tell me what I missed? I get that some trans men encompass some of these qualities, but in my experience (and I’ve met genuinely hundreds of trans people over the past 15 years) reality isn’t like that at all. Are some of these points kind of “chronically online” or does this maybe vary per location due to separate queer cultures?

This question is mainly for people on testosterone though it'd also be interesting to know what it's like with estrogen.

I'm now four months on testosterone and my drive has increased a lot. Sure I have the hormonal development of a 14 year old boy or so and they're gooners but i get horny pretty much every day sometimes three times on one day. I don't know if that's normal or too much but as someone who used to get horny only like once every three months it makes me feel like a pervert. I feel disgusting for thinking about it so much and acting on it makes me feel even more disgusting and also dysphoric because I don't want the parts that I have.

I don't even really know what the question I wanna ask is. I guess, did many people have this experience? is it this much because I'm at the beginning of male puberty or is this just what it's gonna be like from now on?

Hi everyone, I’m curious about real experiences with long-term hormone therapy (estrogen and/or anti-androgens).

For those who have been on it for several years, how much did your chest size increase over time?

Did it keep growing steadily, or did it stop after a certain point?

I’m trying to understand what typical long-term development looks like from personal experiences rather than medical articles.

Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences.

After 5 years of confusion and denial but knowing deep down this is who I am, I’ve come to a point where I can’t deny myself the life I really want to live anymore. I was so scared that I would have to live in isolation after transitioning that I didn’t even realize how lonely I got in the process of denial already. I have nothing to lose anymore. With each day that passes it just becomes more evident how much I need it to be happy.

I always thought that in order to transition I would have to reach a point where there was no uncertainty or fear. But I just realized I will never be quite READY. The time will never be JUST RIGHT. I just have to bite the bullet and fucking pull through. This is a bittersweet moment for me because I have to let my old self rest while honouring the fact that I have another life to live. I don’t want to be 21 next year without having taken at least one step forward. I don’t want to be 22 the next and still be where I am today. When I imagine my life in the future, nothing looks like what it does right now.

Wish me luck! :P

Are there any people here who have experienced this sort of dilemma? Even those who haven’t been affected are welcome to have their say 🫶

Hey you.
I am 22 years old mtf, have dysphoria, c-ptsd, depression and anxiety disorder.
I’ve had a meeting today with a psychiatrist and she had asked me, which kind of therapy I want to choose.
The problem is I am trans fem, got c-ptsd and get private EMDR therapy by paying for it myself at the moment.
Many of my psychological issues are based on the dysphoria. I know that I won’t get happier if I don’t get HRT.
Now I have the problem that I have to decide whether to get ptsd or HRT treatment because health insurance will only cover one at the time.

I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday, one year since we started dating, four months into HRT.

I made the decision after she told me her attraction to me had significantly dropped. I feel it in our dynamic, and even after letting some months for her to adjust, there's just no signs of hope.

Now I feel like I'm becoming less attractive to be around, both physically and because of the trans label and everything that comes with it. I feel like a toy we keep in the bedroom. And yet, when it comes to connection, I don't think I'll ever find someone like her again. I've never connected with anyone that fast before. It feels like I lost my soulmate.

Then there's this part of me that's confused about her feelings. She told me her type is more "straight girls." I don't know what to make of that. She's admitted she might have some internalized homophobia, which makes her unwilling to show affection in public. She'd said before that she wasn't sure she could be in a relationship with a trans person, given all the external judgment I'd face. She then said she was working on it, but I can't shake the feeling that something about the trans label itself makes me less attractive in her, and others eyes.

I know life doesn't end here, and there's still a lot ahead of me. But right now I genuinely feel uglier and less attractive, physically and socially, than I used to be.

I don't have many close friends right now, and I'm on a waitlist for more therapy. I have nothing planned for the summer. No job, no plans, no money.

This situation leaves me feeling very vulnerable. Like I've been thrown into a void without my main support. I'm having thoughts of stopping my transition, because of how unsupported everything feels right now, and because I'm grieving my old self in my own way. I'm genuinely confused about my identity through all of this, and sometimes I wonder if I'm really trans after all, even if I always thought I'd prefer to be born as a female.

I'm having dark thoughts too, without any real plan, it's not new, but they've been getting stronger lately, and it's leaving me more worried. I have a social worker appointment coming up soon, but I'm not sure what to expect from it.

That's Dysphoria, FYI. It's pretty well known. Sent it to him last week, he said he's not read it yet, but will now. Great!

He did say that he already knew a bit on the topic though! Wow! Alright what have you read?

Jordan Peterson

Charlie Kirk

⁠⊚⁠ ͟⁠ʖ⁠ ⁠⊚

Hello, im 21 (F) and I have been questioning myself ever since i was 14.

I first got my haircut super short like a pixie at 13, and ever since that moment ive been dressing like a boy. I have never experienced girlhood past the age of like... 11ish growing up i was always considered a tomboy, i dont have much memory of my childhood so I cant really remember if there were any other signs or not, which also makes me doubt more- the only thing i remember is hanging out with my brother and his friends a lot (who were boys) wanting to be 'one of the boys'. i wanted to be included in everything they did which obviously, did annoy them a lot LOL Even if im not transmasc, i certainly dont feel like a girl. I never felt like I fit in with any girls at a young age, I felt like an oddball.

(not including my current bf) but every relationship i had with boys it didnt feel normal. i felt like i was hiding something. I would try my hardest to be the perfect gf but it made me so depressed because I knew I didnt feel entirely normal. most of my relationships failed because of this. I met my bf when I was identifying as a boy, im so glad everything clicked and hes supportive of me no matter what my identity is.

at the age of 18 when I came out to only my brother and sister in law cause theyre the closest family to me who I know are supportive, I cried so much from the secret that ive been hiding for so long, it was a relief. i also cried about all the things that i thought I was dysphoric about. my shoe size, the disappointment people got when they heard my voice and figured out I wasnt a cis male, as well as my height. I always said that it wasnt fair, and how i always wished i was born a guy or at least a tall girl to make the insecurities somewhat go away. (im 5'1 🥀) my sister in law tried her best helping me by buying me a binder. I do have really bad sensory issues and I was living in AZ at the time so although I was happy with having a flat chest, i was super hot, itchy and overstimulated. 🥲

ages 19-21(now) I tried my hardest to experience girlhood and I guess fit in as a girl. but ugh. its so exhausting. I grew my hair out super long, did makeup, wore cute girly clothes which ideally should make me feel good, but it didnt. i felt like I was performing. the only thing i like is wearing makeup solely because i feel like its hiding my face if that makes sense, i dont wear it to enhance my features but instead hide it?? not exactly sure how to explain it. it is a fun little hobby tho I had so many breakdowns to my boyfriend and in private about constantly feeling ugly and how uncomfortable I am with my body, i felt like a stranger to myself. something definitely didnt look right when I had long hair.

so I cut my hair into a bixie which felt so much better. I loved the androgynous look but I wasnt fully satisfied yet, so my boyfriend helped me cut my hair shorter and oh my god. game changer. I feel so much more like myself! I started dressing in my comfortable boy clothes and im definitely a lot more happier.

whats making me doubt this is that im a really indecisive person and I act out of impulse. im scared that this is all just a phase and maybe im just a tomboy and I just watched too many transmasc YouTubers growing up. I am a beautiful girl, although I dont feel confident 95% of the time and feel uncomfortable, that 5% when I try to put effort into fully looking like a girl I do feel pretty, but just not me. it feels like im performing as I said earlier haha but i always think to myself- if this transmasc feeling is just a phase then why do I keep going back to it? something about looking like a boy feels so right.

I even have a "boy name" that a lot of people call me online. i always hated my government name as a kid, I even tried to ask my dad to change it so many times lmao another thing that makes me doubt that im trans is when my brother & my bfs family calls me my "boy name" irl it feels totally different than what im used to. like it doesnt make me cringe but I just take a step back like wait omg I forgot I go by my "boy name" irl to some people. but when my bf calls me that name it feels normal though??? idk how to describe it. him calling me by my government name feels so damn wrong, he even refuses to call me by that sometimes cause he knows I get a feeling of discomfort from it. I did ask the people I were out to, to call me my government name the moment I started to try to fit in as a girl again because i was mainly afraid of what society would think of me. I was always okay with being called whatever pronoun but definitely dont like "she/her" pronouns though. i was always comfortable with "he/they". whenever I meet someone new and they ask for my pronouns im like "ohhh haha im fine with anything that makes you comfortable!" instead of what makes ME comfortable LMFAOOO

sorry if this was a mess, im horrible at typing when I cant describe how I feel or remember half of my life because of trauma reasons lol. i just don't want to feel like im having an identity crisis 24/7.. i dont know who I really am fr

I just saw a post on r/teenagers about the transgender relationship with sex and gender, and there was a surprising number of people (in my opinion at least) saying that they don’t like the label themselves as transgender, and instead prefer transsexual.

There also seems to be a demographic of people who like transex as it conveys the same idea without all the icky connotations.

I found this really surprising actually. Am I right to be surprised, or have I just been living under a rock?

How many of you guys prefer transexual or transex? Genuinely curious!

So after coming out as trans to my parents, and they were very accepting. But everytime I brought the subject of hrt up to my mum she hated it, and still does, but she brought up a very interesting point. That I only seem to be thinking about how I can physically look like a woman, instead of actually BEING a woman. And she is totally right, I'm feel really bad about this as it feels like i have disrespect all trans girls globally by calling myself trans even though im most likely not. I thought about that conversation a lot afterwards, and I realised that actually being a girl kinda sucks, and I think the only reason I thought I was, is because of my clothing interests and sexual orientation, im bisexual and I love wearing feminine clothes, so i convinced myself i must be a girl. But I can be a guy and wear feminine clothes and like both girls and boys. Im sorry to all trans girls globally 😢🙏.

Are y'all also starting to feel unsafe the way the country has been going?

i wuv u :3-|-<

I mean… I don’t use that name anymore and if the person saying it knows that, is it rude if I just don’t reply to them?

hello! I’m a trans masc guy, for context I’m 16, turning 17 in a few months, and Ive been questioning since I was 12. Now recently I’ve been out more with my mom and it has created some really big frustrations in myself. She keeps sending me things about people who have de transitioned or thought they were trans for years and then werent, she also is trying to say it’s a new phenomenon and sending me articles about it whenever I try to send her articles so she can understand. It’s become insanely frustrating and I truly don’t want to be trans, but I also have a very strong suspicion that I am. She says she’ll support me no matter what but then she keeps talking about how I can’t use testosterone until I’m 25 so my brain can fully develop, even tho I sent her an article that showed it was a myth, and she made me cry a bit today after she told me I’ll always be a girl because of my biology, which I’m not stupid, I know that, I just need help, I don’t know what to do and I don’t think my mom is transphobic, I just don’t understand why she is so against even just the idea

Edit to add TLDR; I’ve come to terms with the fact that gender dysphoria is real as a heart attack, and spending a decade acting like I’m fine with living as my gender assigned at birth will never get better. I will never be truly happy until I can accept the person inside me rather than keep pretending that person isn’t there. My loving partner of 8 years deserves to live with the real me, not a version of me that I constructed to appease people and not attract attention.

I’m realizing now (27MtF) that my virtually lifelong feeling of wishing I could present as a woman to the world is simply never going to go away. I’ve known since 14 that I would absolutely ‘press the magic button’ to have been born a female. Not looking for advice from this post, just sharing where I’m at after spending years in denial.

Here’s some backstory… I fully came out to my best friend at the time when her and I were both 18 as soon as we graduated high school. I treated it back then like something I was seriously exploring, but took less seriously as I began developing feelings for her. We did everything together, and she wound up falling for me too. A year after I last wore a dress out to a restaurant with her and another (to this day) close mutual friend, something we only did on 3 occasions, she and I began a relationship as M&F. We’ve now been together 8 wonderful years, shared an apartment together for most of that, and we’re currently engaged to be married next year.

Now here’s the problem… She is one of only 8 people I ever explicitly came out to. The entire subject of my interest in living as a trans woman has not come up since before we decided to be a couple. A lie I’ve told myself over and over for years is that I can live as some degree of a man despite my gender dysphoria, which has come and gone from the forefront of my mind over the years. But at least a time or two a year like clockwork, it always comes back, sometimes very intensely for months at a time. Each time the feelings return, I mask and keep it from her entirely. I’ve always pretty outwardly rejected a lot of masculine traits projected on to me, and I’ve always hated feeling like I’m expected to exhibit them, and always found it hard to socialize with most cis men. For over a decade I have had this desire to look and act like a passing female, and I’ve always seen that in myself, both figuratively and literally when I look at my face in the mirror.

I feel like I’m done trying to run… She went away for a few days last week, and I took the opportunity to wear a few of her dresses that fit me, straighten my hair, and paint my nails for a few mirror selfies. It made me so happy in a way I haven’t felt since the last time I got to do that with her before we liked each other like that. She’s been back for days and only want to tell her how amazing it felt and I want to take it further with makeup and ear piercings, and if I get on HRT and do a little voice training I think I’d pass just fine. I feel it’s time to stop keeping this from her, and to stop lying to myself that I can keep putting off what I seem to obviously want to do with my life. I don’t know how she’ll take it. I’m fairly certain her parents have no idea, and likely won’t be pleased. We still aren’t married and have no kids. I don’t see myself needing surgery to feel happy, regardless of her opinion on that issue. It’s just really hitting me now especially as my twenties are waning, that this is the last best chance I have at the life I really want. She’s always been very pro-trans, part of me just doubts she’ll want a girlfriend/wife, but I don’t know that. I’ve always wanted that, even though so many times I convinced myself it either wasn’t possible or wasn’t worth it if it wasn’t a 100% guarantee to work out the way I wanted it to. Now I believe not trying is the biggest mistake I’d ever make.

Thanks if you read this far. Probably opening myself up to some hate if peoples takeaway is that I’ve been stringing my SO along for 8 years but hopefully most readers understand that life, relationships, emotions, people are all very complicated and everyone’s self-actualization journey is unique. Just wanted to get these thoughts out to an audience that might be able to find any part of it relatable.

Hi everyone, I've heard about bioidentical hormones and I can't find a ton of information on them regarding transgender hrt. How are they different/better/worse/the same than regular hormones?

Possible triggers: transvestigation, transphobia

For context: I am from a very not LGBTQ+ friendly country, but live in the UK currently. My sister is a famous social media person in my country and often comes to visit me as she travels for work.

I have not been able to start HRT yet for a multitude of reasons, but I dress masculine and naturally have masculine enough features to pass as a guy already. I'm fully socially male in my life in the UK including all friends and my workplace and thankfully it has not caused any issues.

My sister is one of the most famous influencers/tv presenters from my country, to the point that whenever I hang out with her in that country - she gets stopped every 10 minutes for a photo op or a chat by a fan.

I love her very much, but her career holds on to the fact that she is well liked by people and a lot of her fans are older people/families etc. as she makes very family friendly and oriented content.

She came to visit a few weeks ago and as always posted a photo of us together captioned "sisters forever" as I am not out to her or my family, and all of the comments are transvestigating me. I see it in her comments all the time ever since I was a teenager, but now that I'm in my 20s it's been a lot worse and more aggressive.

This is causing a lot of hate to come to my sister on all her social platforms which is how she makes a living, and I feel terrible as I feel like me coming out would mean she has to distance herself from me or having to accept me which would most definitely ruin her career as about 90% of people from my country really don't like trans people.

I'm just not sure how to approach this, if I come out to her I'd just be dumping such a huge weight on her, but if I stay in the closet this still won't stop and if I do go on HRT it would just cause so many more issues.

I'm early in my transition (shaving, first girl clothes, new name) and know that at some point I need to at least try makeup. It terrifies me so much. I can't stand the feeling of anything near or around my eyes. Makeup helps with passing but I don't know if that's something I want to try. It's optional and not everyone wears it but it does seem to help alot.

I bought my first bra. Not a soft bralette. A proper bra andy boobs fit. Considering I bought a soft shell bralette and my boobs didn't fit a few months ago. The girls are growing. A cup btw nothing huge but growth is growth.

trigger warning bc i will be talking about outing & transphobia.

i found out recently at my job there's a rumour about one of my coworkers being a trans woman. apparently, word has it that my boss actually outed her and was telling people we now have a trans employee. it's unclear if she stated it was this employee or if this is who people just assumed it was. thing is that this coworker in question has never stated herself that she is trans or anything. and she's fairly an open book as well especially since we both bond and talk a lot about our experiences with BPD and other personal matters.

another major issue : i know for a fact there's a few people on our team who are transphobic. and the way people are talking about this coworker is transphobic as well. it's uncomfortable as a trans person myself whose closeted & pre-t but also i'm worried for my coworker as well. regardless if it's true, this can put a target on her back ( especially because i live in the rural south and she is a black woman ). either way, it's not anyone's business if she is or not. i expressed my concern to my two other coworkers with them talking about this being an ethics issue but they sort of just brushed it off because "it's not like they really care if she's trans". but i know there's people at my job that do and have made weirdly transphobic comments on the past.

i want to report this to hr but there's no evidence to actually prove this discussion took place. it's all hearsay. i'm hearing this from two coworkers who heard it from another who supposedly heard it from our boss. i'm sort of stuck on where to go and what to do. either way, this is not feeling good at ALL.

update : i told her about the situation so she's fully in the know and was okay with me reporting to hr about it. whether or not they do something we will see but thanks for all the advice !!