Pride & Community

Who was the first person you told?

I was a lesbian for a long while before I truly got to know myself. I still only love woman but I recently started going by they/them. Since then a friend of mine constantly makes comments that I am no longer lesbian or queer. At first it felt like just the teasing we regularly do with each other but now I just feel like they mean it seriously. I am still struggling with that image of myself but this just made it feel 10x worse. I just feel lost about what I am. Are they right? Am I technically no longer queer since I go by they/them. Am I something else. I just don’t know anymore.

Hi everyone. I'm new here and going through a phase of questioning my gender identity. I decided to write this post to organize my thoughts and see if anyone else relates to what I’m feeling.

I was assigned male at birth, but my whole life I’ve felt very distant from the world of men. I hate being grouped together with boys, the vast majority of my friends are girls, and I’m a much more emotional person than society expects a boy to be. Physically, I’m short for my age and skinny—honestly, those are the only characteristics I like about my body because I associate them with something more feminine. Other than that, I deeply hate having body hair, a beard, and a mustache, and having to shave systematically leaves me exhausted.

Recently, things started to change. I have a fantastic girlfriend (she is bisexual and I identify as pansexual) and I feel incredibly good when she uses feminine pronouns for me. She also lent me some of her pajama shorts and I love wearing them around the house. However, I feel like this is still a very close secret between us. If someone else on the street addressed me with feminine pronouns right now, I would take it as an attack. I don’t have the courage to go out in public wearing feminine clothes. Also, even though I love how comfortable her clothes are, when I look in the mirror I feel like they don't fit me well because my body is still male, which leaves me a bit frustrated.

The thing that confuses me the most is that I don’t feel a constant "hatred" or violent distress toward my biological body. It’s more of a "meh" feeling... complete apathy. The only time I felt really good in male clothes was during a piano audition (I play piano) where I wore all-black formal clothing, but I think it was more about being elegant than being "manly." Other than that, in daily life, it’s just indifference. But when my girlfriend treats me as a female, I feel real joy and comfort (I think it's called gender euphoria).

I’ve been researching the MTF journey and Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). The idea of having softer skin and more feminine features appeals to me immensely. I don't know if I want to have genital surgeries, and the fact that my girlfriend is bi and I am pan makes me feel very comfortable about our future. I was also relieved to learn that HRT doesn’t cause a biological menstrual period, even though it requires medical care for life.

I would really like to know: Did anyone here start their transition coming from this "meh" and apathetic feeling, instead of a deep hatred for their body?

P.S. Sorry if my English isn't perfect, Im Portuguese

I’ve been thinking of myself as a purely lesbian since I was 14 y.o. Had multiple wlw relationships, some of them being toxic, some not.

I’m 26 now and from 23 to 25 I focused on myself, didn’t date anyone. It’s also been 3 years since I’m in therapy, one of the outcomes of it is me realising the needs and boundaries I have and things I want to have and give in relationships.

For the past year I’ve been looking for a serious monogamous relationship but had 2-3 situationships or just short term relationships that ended rather on a good note with us realising that it wouldn’t work.

I’m living in a small city and my dating apps look empty, like I’ve already met everyone there. Yet I’m feeling ready for closeness and intimacy with someone special who shares my values. I look somewhat masculine, between dyke and butch, but I’m really soft and demisexual so I’m not really the one to chase women or flirt with them from the first meeting. I know that because I look more masculine lesbians usually expect me to be proactive but I am tired of courting or carrying the relationship with someone who is more passive.

I’ve been very active in our local queer community, having a big friend group there. One day I just realised that although I’ve made so many friends there no one has been hitting on me romantically or shown any signs of interest or attraction. And it seems weird since I don’t have a self esteem issues or lack social skills.

Eventually, I realised that I want something mutual with both sides being there and really interested with each other. My last encounter with a lesbian woman ended on a weird note where we clearly enjoyed each other’s company but she just disappeared as soon as I’ve made the first move and invited her to a coffee.

I stared going to the gym and feeling more sexual desire, eventually finding myself horny on in male company. Firstly I freaked out but then started questioning my sexual identity, realising that I might have been feeling sexually attracted to man before, just never really having crush on them or fallen in love with any man.

And after all of that thoughts I decided to give a try to dating man and seeing whether I am comfortable in such interactions.

Of course my lesbian friends started judging me when I shared this. Maybe it’s cause I’ve never had any abuse or negative experiences from males, while I had several abusive lesbian relationships. And by saying that I don’t want to sound like men are great, lesbians are toxic, I rather imply that people in my head are just people, and their negative behaviour doesn’t base solely on the gender or sexuality.

So I started looking for a man on Tinder and oh gosh I’m surprised of the amount of likes, matches and first messages I now receive. It seems so weird, like a brand new world I’ve never seen before. So many people are interested in me and making the first move. Of course it feels like a sudden valuation and even a self esteem boost. But it also feels exciting.

Anyway, my queer friends, especially lesbians are now judging me for this. Like they would rather see me alone for a few more years than see me dating a man. And I would love to date girls in the future, I’m not turning to a straight overnight, I am just becoming be-curious and willing to explore the relationship I never had just to see whether I could be comfortable with a man.

Anyway, it makes me really sad and vulnerable to get so much hate from my community.

i come from a culture where homophobia is very normalized and i told my friends about a girl i liked for the first time and they were very homophobic
and told me it was a phase
i tried finding people here to talk about it but enh they see me as a weirdo
im so sick and tired of the way i feel.

Hello fellow panoramas!!

I’m looking to see how people approach potential romantic partners. I like the advice that I should aim for conversation not with the expectation of an action.

I also am fully aware it’s just a skill that needs to be developed. Currently I compliment and then falter — making my intentions unknown. I want to put myself in more positions of rejection to try!

Also I consider myself a baby queer. still developing parts of my sexual identity. Feeling alittle out of place with people so set in their identity. However I wanna flirt while I still have the rights to do so 😭

Give this gal advice. What is a great smooth entry? What should I avoid? How have you found success?