Pride & Community

Even though it's been weeks since the recent social media drama around this topic peaked, there are still hourly posts on this subreddit about how unfair it is that straight cis women are biphobic against bi men. And there's something creeping up in these posts that's really bothering me.

I'm not here to argue that or defend biphobic women; rather the opposite. I'm a middle-eastern woman raised in a conservative white area. Growing up, I was told over and over how unattractive brown people were. Despite this, I did not bleach my skin or pretend that I was white in order to get dates with racists. If everyone in my town was racist or homophobic, even if it wasn't against me personally, I would just stay single. I don't reward bigots with my love and support.

I find it confusing that so many bi men seem legitimately angry that they might be rejected by straight female bigots, and want them to find them attractive and date them. There are so many posts and comments like, "I guess I'll just give up and date men," "looks like I'll just stay single," or "this is why I lie and say I'm straight."

These comments completely ignore two things:

1. Men, bi and trans women, and nonbinary people are not "last resort" options that you stoop to when you can't "get" a straight cis woman.
2. Plenty of non-bigoted people exist, and demanding that bigots date you rather than seeking out non-bigoted people makes it sound like you'd rather date a bigot than a good person.

Ethics and principles shouldn't take a backseat to "maximizing dating options." A lot of these comments sound straight from the manosphere, where your morals don't matter as long as you can date so-called "high value" women. These commenters seem to think that cis straight women are the only desirable option, followed by cis bi women (as long as they're not "too queer"), followed by trans women and enbies, followed by men at the rock bottom level.

.... and then there are the men who are cheating on or plan to cheat on their female partners using biphobia as an excuse. Having a bigoted partner does not give someone a free pass to act unethically themselves. I could say a lot more but this post is already too long. I'm curious how we can improve our ethics and principles so that we're not centering bigots and demanding to date bigots rather than building positive communities where love and acceptance are central pillars. Thanks for reading this rant!

I was wondering if a bi person feels attraction on the opposite gender then do they get in the questioning phase that they actually might be straight or maybe they feel attraction on a same sex person and start questioning if they're homosexual.

If my question feels hateful to you then I'll be really sorry for that. Thanks to anyone who'll reply.

includes singers or actresses

Yes, it's hard and heteronormativity and bi-erasure and bi-phobia really suck... and a lot of posts on here focus on the negative. But it's also pretty awesome to be bi.

Comment with the positive things you enjoy about being bi, and let's celebrate and appreciate it.

I'll start:

1. I feel like being bisexual has helped me better understand nuance and complexity, and has strengthened my ability to hold ambiguious concepts in my mind where two or more seemingly conflicting things can be true at once. It's helped me think outside of binaries in more ways than just sexually, be better at appreciating multiple viewpoints and seeing the world beyond strict categories.

2. Being bisexual allows me to feel really comfortable varying my gender expression in ways that are interesting to me, such as dressing more masculine one day and more feminine another day. I don't feel beholden to stereotypical gender roles or ways of being.

3. It's also made me feel more free to establish dynamics in my relationships that are based on what works for me and my partner, not what society expects from either of us due to our gender.

4. I know of at least 3 other people in my social circle who have come out as bi and have cited my coming out as something that help give them the confidence to do so... and that's pretty rad.

5. I feel like I've had the opportunity to use my "secret agent" status in rooms where people have assumed I'm straight and started talking about LGBT issues, to offer a perspective that might have not been shared if I hadn't been there.

6. I never have to change any of the pronouns in songs when I sing karaoke.

7. I'm SO GOOD AT HALLOWEEN COSTUMES.

What about you?

I am tired of being angry at women for not wanting to date bi guys. It's fine. I would rather be alone or date men then deal with this crap. Even bi women don't want to date us. A lot of women in general find us to be disgusting. Anyway, have you , as a bi man , accepted that women don't want to date us ? I also don't think that hiding your sexuality is the answer either.