r/gay

Me 19 m, other guy 22m. I’m from Sydney and there is a guy I met who’s traveling the world. He’s from London. He leaves Sydney in August to go back to London. I have been spending a few nights with him and have more nights there planned. It’s more than sex, we cuddle, we talk deeply, we do have amazing sex, he makes me breakfasts, lunches and dinner. It feels like we are dating and are living together. We also go out to places when we are together. I have never in my life felt this way about someone before, I really like him and I think he likes me too. I don’t want him to go home. He said the only thing that he’s going back for is his acting school but we have acting schools here too lol. I don’t want to lose this man.

I grew up in a very conservative area of Texas and didn’t explore my sexuality until college, and even then it was minimal. I got on Grindr but never even had sex. To this day I still haven’t had sex, largely out of fear of STDs and HIV, something I’m still working through. To make matters worse my main outlet of gratification is porn. It’s the only place I have felt safe with sex. Part of me thinks it plays a negative role in all of this. Other than that, I’ve had a few little flings here and there since, but nothing serious until recently.

I moved to California and ended up seeing a guy for about 4 months, which just ended tonight. He was incredibly sweet, super thoughtful, funny, and non judgmental. He was the most direct (in a good way) and serious person, but had a great child-like joy about him. He hit all the marks, but I couldn’t find myself sexually intrigued I guess. I don’t want to say attracted because that feels like too extreme of a definition.

I loved doing things with him and he brought me peace, but I couldn’t find myself ever declaring us as dating. I told him I felt more comfortable with no label, and he seemed ok with that.
About a month after we started talking, a lot of crap went down at my job and I am no longer working there. That, plus living in a place with such a HCOL, added to my stress and confusion about my attraction and romantic feelings.

Once I was out of work, I knew I needed to move back home to Texas. Given what I currently know about myself, I couldn’t do long distance. He mentioned that he doesn’t think we are in a clear enough relationship to label as long distance any way. We had this conversation and I suggested we stay friends, but he was not interested in that. We hung out for a while longer, but things ended tonight after a long coming conversation. He couldn’t see us continuing with a clearly defined end in sight. I agreed, and I didn’t want him to feel sad being with me, so that was that.

I cried all the way home and felt horrible. I got home and cried more in the shower, thinking about whether I was self sabotaging and should have tried to be in a long distance relationship with him. I tried to determine if I cared about him platonically or romantically, and I feel like I maybe just cared deeply about him as a friend. I will miss him and I cared a lot about him, and I’m questioning if ending things was the right call. My social net here is basically non existent, and he was what I had left. luckily I move in a month so, oh well.

So here’s the crux of it, and my main question: how do you all, specifically gay men, know when you’re attracted to someone? I cared about him and would kiss him, and sometimes felt aroused, and other times pulled back. I attribute this to religious trauma and internalized homophobia. I would sometimes look at other men and want something different, but still came back to the guy I was seeing. There’s only one guy I’ve ever seen that I truly know I was attracted to, but he ended things before we ever made it official.
I don’t know if the stressors in my life or the porn stuff I mentioned at the beginning that have overshadowed my feelings, or if I just wasn’t attracted to him in the first place.

I (a 23m who’s conventionally attractive) don’t quite understand how to find guys. I am more “masculine” from what I understand but I just want someone who I can love. The only people I can find are from dating sites who only want me for my body. I’ve been hurt by a lot of people (both guys and gals) however I just want to be happy, I’m more alt than anything, I wear a lot of dark metal/rock shirts and have a somewhat large tattoo on my forearm and getting another on my other. I know tattoos are a turnoff for some people but in the community it hasn’t seemed to matter. A lot of people say that I come off as straight but I don’t see how with my mannerisms. I’m tired of being broken by people I’m “supposed” to be with but men just either don’t want me or don’t know that they could have me. Men have always just treated me so much better and I want to be with someone I know I can have faith in. At the end of the day I just don’t know how to present myself without staying true to myself, I don’t inherently act gay (I was raised in the Bible Belt and I would be “crucified”) but I just want a man to make me happy for once in my life. Any advice would be nice. I’m more of a masc alt type man, hell I’m even in the military but still, I want a man to love me

Hi everyone.

I’m 24, and I’ve never been in a relationship (I’m also still a virgin).

I recently met a guy online, and we’ve already had lunch together. I feel so lost because he’s actually 49—an age gap of 25 years.

I’m confused about my feelings because we really hit it off when we met for the first time.

But I feel so lost—is it normal to be with a man who is 25 years older?

How will my parents react!?

But I really like him.

My bf and I have dated for exactly four years and have broken up because he's going to another country for his career. He might go end of this year or maybe next year but we both came to a conclusion (I pushed it a bit strongly than him because I don't want to be in a relationship where there's a time limit) that we need to break up.

It was a rough break up, we cried a lot but since we were best friends who were also boyfriends it just feels so off to us to just not all of a sudden talk when it wasn't a breakup over a fight.

So my question is, is it smart to talk every day and play video games together time to time when we have broken up? We are not planning on seeing anybody soon (at least that's what he told me and me too) or are we just setting ourselves for another heartbreak?

I've never broken up with someone after dating for so long and I honestly don't know how to proceed with a breakup that was done amicably as well.

Title mainly says it, idk if it just my algorithms catching up since I don’t use social media often or not. I’m gay and trans ftm so it just confuses the hell out of me how people can be gay and be homophobic to lesbians specifically (for example) or queer people being transphobic. Like who cares who somebody is attracted to or what gender identity they have

HELLL YEAAAAAHHHHH, so for the context my family is muslim and its usually more stricter than christian families for muslims to accept lgbt, But today i was facetiming my mom and she started talking about my long hair and said „my son just go to barber and get it removed“ this was like the hundredth time she said it so i got angry nd js hung up, then couldnt stop thinking abt this and Just straight up wrote her that im gay and explained it to her. btw ive not been home in 2 years and im in europe, she is in uzbekistan. and then she said „ If you dont regret this later, then do what you want“ WHICH IS BASICALLY ACCEPTANCE RIGHTTTTTT?????

I'm a gay guy and I live in a community where almost everyone around me is straight.

I've noticed a pattern over the years. I'll become friends with a guy, we'll get along well, joke around, hang out, and things feel completely normal. Then, at some point, I tell him I'm gay.

After that, something changes.

It's not that anyone says anything openly homophobic. Instead, they become more distant. They stop opening up to me, stop inviting me to things as often, and it feels like I'm no longer "one of the guys." The friendship doesn't usually end overnight—it just slowly fades.

The weird part is that I'm still the exact same person. Nothing about our friendship changes except that they now know one more fact about me.

At the same time, I also find it difficult to build close friendships with women because I'm still a guy, and a lot of them understandably have boundaries around male friendships.

Sometimes it feels like I'm stuck in this weird middle ground where I don't fully fit into either group.

I'm not looking for pity. I just want to know if anyone else—especially other gay men—has experienced this. Is this a common experience, or have I just been unlucky with the people I've met?

I find them attractive. I don't like the way I look. I am trying to lose weight so I can have a small body fat percentage. Is it OK for me to hate how I look until I am able to be thin?

This has been my experience so far....

Almost all the guys I've met who seem to act all cute, gentle, benign, innocent, kind, sweet, etc, and those who say stuff like -- "love you/aww/cuteee" excessively, turn out to be really shallow, self-centred, fake and unreliable.

On the contrary... The guys who communicate in simple no-nonsense language, without trying to be overly sweet.... actually seem to be genuinely kind, helpful and reliable.

Thoughts?

So basically I met a guy who is top and sub so I want to learn how to become a good bottom dom so we can enjoy ourselves better. Any ideas or suggestions would be much appreciated.