r/bisexual

met a girl at a queer event last week and thought she was really cool (and gorgeous), so i worked up the courage to ask her out — and somehow it actually worked, i got her number. we texted for a couple days, she helped plan a date for us (i had just moved to the city and didn’t know many places), and i got genuinely really excited about it. i was talking to my friends about it, wondering if i should bring flowers, etc.

then while planning the date, she suggested a bar/arcade place. because of that, i had to tell her i wasn’t sure i’d be able to get in (because i figured it would be awkward if we got there and i got stopped at the door), and eventually she asked my age. that’s when she found out i’m 20 and she’s 25. after that, she basically said she didn’t feel comfortable going out anymore.

i replied saying i totally understood, but that i’d still love to do coffee or something less 21+ if she was open to it. after a couple days, she replied saying she’d rather call it off and that she doesn’t feel comfortable pursuing anything right now.

i think what i’m struggling with is that i rationally understand where she might be coming from, especially because i’m under 21 and the original date involved drinks (not that i drink to begin with) and obviously everyone has different boundaries and comfort levels.

but emotionally, i’m having a harder time understanding it because i feel like i could’ve at least been given the benefit of the doubt enough for one first date? like if we went for coffee and i came across immature, or the life-stage gap felt obvious in person, then fair enough. but it feels strange that things changed so suddenly after the age reveal when the connection beforehand felt really mutual.

i’m not angry at her at all — she was actually very kind about it. i think i’m just trying to understand whether other people would genuinely see 20 and 25 as that uncomfortable of a dynamic, or if the under-21/bar context specifically is what probably changed things.

i also keep wondering whether things would’ve played out differently if i had just suggested a random dinner spot from the beginning (so my age never came up before the date), and she only found out later after already meeting me one-on-one.

would especially appreciate perspectives from other queer women because i feel like queer age gaps can sometimes be viewed a bit differently too.

Why is it so difficult to have two F’s and two M’s (where everybody interacts with each other) at the same time?

It’s obviously not an issue to write about 4 (or more) partners at once, so why is the dominating structure always 1 member of a particular gender, and the rest of the members are of a different gender?

- Do enough of these FFMM books exist to begin with? (I can confidently say, NO!).
- Are there not enough people interested in reading FFMM books that very few are being published in the first place?
- Are these FFMM books out there and are just being overshadowed by the popularity of the one gender-centered trope?

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, if you have recs for “equal-playing-field, FFMM bisexual foursome” spicy books, send them my way! Please and Thank You! 💖

P.S. I am an aspiring (spicy) writer and a queer woman, and so I have even more motivation to get my works out there but am having trouble finishing my existing works and getting myself started with publishing.

So, let's get this straight. I (19F) am very bisexual. When I was 16, I "met" my first and biggest love, I do not even know his name so I will call him Brown, because he has the prettiest brown eyes. Before, I was never the romantic type. During the time I met him, I was going through something and I could not open up to anyone, not even my dearest friends, so I poured all my feelings out on those iron plates at the gym.

That is when I caught him staring for the first time, and it was far from the last. It was love at first sight, believe me. I felt it and I know he felt it too. I love his eyes, so much. When I looked at his eyes, it was like he told me a million words at once, when I was beat up and sad, he would give me the most gentle glances. When I hit a PR, I saw the proud glances he gave me. It was like he was spiritually holding my hand and comforting me.

But I started to love him too much, I thought about him all the time and I was going crazy, I was looking for him everywhere, even outside of the gym. I had to switch gyms, it went too far. After about 6 months, I thought I was getting better and I randomly ran into him, he was fully staring. My heart was racing so bad the whole day and I couldn't think straight to save my life.

After even more time, at 18, I get into a relationship with this girl, but Brown never left my mind. I never told her about him. I felt like I was cheating on him, hell, whenever anyone showed romantic interest in me I felt so guilty and like a cheater.

When I held her hand in public, I was afraid he would see and hate me. I loved her too, though. At least I think. But it was different. Brown, I loved everything about him, but for my ex girl, I had to recalibrate my brain to find her attractive. When she asked how much I love her, I told her I loved her like Dante loved Beatrice, but I knew I wasn't talking about her, it was Brown.

This didn't happen just once, but similar scenarios. Sometimes, I imagined Brown was in front of me instead of her. We have been together for a year, broke up a few days ago and honestly I am okay, even after I found out she had been cheating on me and sent me explicit images of her doing things with other girls after the breakup, I just want my Brown.

The last time I saw Brown was a few days ago, but also a year ago once. I do not think he recognizes me. I lost my baby face, grew my hair and dyed it black, also bleached my eyebrows. I don't know what to do, I needed to get this off my chest

Hey guys 👋🏾 male 21 (straight/softboy/ maybe feminine male??) I’ve been questioning myself for a while in terms of my sexuality and what I like in a relationship. So I find only women attractive ( nothing wrong if you don’t) however, I do find masc women attractive and I become a lot more feminine and enjoy being feminine when it comes to dating masc women. With non masc women I still enjoy being soft/submissive but probably not as feminine as I would be. Maybe I’m an effeminate male not sure, sometimes I’m a bit embarrassed especially as a blk male society forces me to fit into a certain stereotype. Are there women who would date a man like me ? What would you say my sexuality is ?

Just wanted to see what anyone’s thoughts would be as this is the only space where I feel I can express myself.

Hello. I am a 35 (F) and cannot tell if what I feel for men and women is sexual attraction or not. I end up on these latebloomerlesbian subreddits and question everything.

I have been with mostly men all my life. Been turned on by making out with them, sex is enjoyable, and have been in love with the men I have dated. I have also been in love with a woman and been turned on by her as well. With women it is more visual and with men it takes more than just seeing them.

I always figured if I went on a date with a man, was bored and wasn't turned on when we were making out I thought I wasn't sexually attracted to them. But apparently lesbians are saying that isn't sexual attraction and anyone can turn you on by sensation.

sometimes i’m not sure if i should come out. i’ve known i’m bi probably since i was 13. i know my parents are homophobic. my mother basically knows but told me i was gay and i can’t be bisexual. we don’t really have a relationship or speak anymore (which i am okay with). i’ve had conversations with my father and he definitely doesn’t support. i just feel like if i come out people will assume im saying im bi to cover up being “gay.” which is not true since i’ve liked girls since i was like 5. i just like boys too. i’m 19m and live with my father atm. we don’t really have a close relationship and i don’t want to cause problems since unfortunately i need him for housing and college loans and stuff. i just wish i could be out cause i would feel a lot better. i don’t have much confidence and im generally ashamed to be myself. so that doesn’t help. any advice for how to deal with this?

So my autistic bi/pansexual self decided to get my first tattoo recently located on the outside of my left ankle.

I have only realised now.. wait, I don't sit normal, and 90% of the way I sit is on that damn ankle.

I go home and "sit down" and immedietly am hit with a lil burning pain.

My common seating positions include:

Sitting on left leg when at desk,

crossing legs on chair (left ankle rests on right ankle),

putting left ankle on the right knee in front of me e.g...

So anyways, now I have to learn to be gay the other way and I get little pains to remind me im am idiot :)

The tattoo is cute tho, no regrets there

I go for women but still fantasize about when I'd give pleasure to a man. It made me feel better than any time I've given a woman an O. I didn't even need it done back, not that either offered... lol. But something inside of me felt excited and loved it.

40M average height and weight
Nice 🍆if that’s important just feeling very lonely and nothing to do

Idk why but somehow I was reading first time sucking cock experience and since then I have been hooked. I can feel like I’m actually there doing the deed but when I actually see a gay porn stuff I don’t get turned on. But when I see a women sucking a cock it makes it easier to watch it and want to try it.
I don’t find the same sex attractive like that at all. So it’s a weird thing I been experiencing for several years now. Anyone go through this ?

She tried to convert me into lesbianism by harassing me inappropriately and it completely ruined my love for woman and I have loved women since primary school but I genuinely can't look at a woman any way now the same goes for men when my male friend asked if I wanted to do him even though I am getting married at the end of the year, I feel so sick thinking about a man or woman and I feel like I can't feel proud of who I am anymore without a gross feeling with myself from these sad memories and I don't know who I am anymore and I cant think straightforward i dont even know if im bisexual anymore 💔

I want to have some hope. Share your stories.

I'm a bisexual male and just wondering a few things as i'm someone that wants kids, but am kinda coming around to the idea that I don't *need* to necessarily have a traditional heterosexual relationship to achieve this. So I was wondering for the people here...

1. Has anyone here made a same-sex relationship work despite wanting children?
2. If you're an opposite-sex couple, are you able to have a consensual same-sex fun while also being parents?
3. Any other specific-to-you information you wanna share with the parental bi community?

Hi everyone. I’m 21, and I learned something important about myself. I found out that I am bisexual. It took me a long time to understand this, and I want to share more about who I am and how I got here.

I am a kind person. I care a lot about people. I like calm days, simple things, and being gentle with others. I don’t like drama. I like real moments and honest feelings. I try to be patient and understanding. That is just how my heart works.

For a long time, I didn’t know why I felt the way I did. I liked boys, but I also liked girls. I would feel warm and happy around both, and I didn’t know what that meant. I thought something was wrong with me. I tried to push the feelings away, but they always came back.

Now I know the truth: I am bisexual. It means I can love more than one kind of person. It means my heart is open in a way I didn’t understand before. And that’s okay. It’s not scary anymore. It feels like I finally said the real thing out loud.

I am still me. I still like being creative. I still like helping people. I still like soft, peaceful moments. Being bi doesn’t change any of that. It just explains a part of me that I didn’t have words for before.

I wanted to share this here because I know some of you have felt this too. Maybe you learned it later. Maybe you were scared to say it. Maybe you felt alone. I did too. But now I feel lighter. I feel like I’m finally telling the truth about myself.

If you went through something like this, I would like to hear your story. It helps to know I’m not the only one.

I’m 15, F and she’s also 15, f. I’ve always gone back-and-forth with my sexuality because I have a lot of shame in it for some reason even though I’m not against anyone else I think I just have a lot of internalized homophobia because of society but in the past few weeks, I’ve been really wanting to have a teen romance as stupid as that sounds and wanting to date a girl really badly but not just because I want to date a girl I really wanna date my best friend. She’s so beautiful and her heart is so warm. I can imagine myself laying on her lap while she strokes my hair and hums. I just wanna lay in her arm and look into her eyes and I don’t know if that’s me just craving romance. I can barely sleep because all I can think about is her and laying in her arms, but I think she’s straight but I’m not sure because sometimes she says things which makes me think she’s not. I’ve only kissed two girls and I’ve only kissed one guy. I’m worried because I don’t want it to split up the friendship can I have some advice? Am I being crazy? Am I being just a dumb teenager? I just wanna be with her, but I also don’t know if it’s me making her be my crush because I just wanna be in a relationship confusing myself so much help

I am a bi man, have known since I was a teenager, and have had my fair share of experiences, both good and bad. Relating to that, I work in a relatively... crass workplace. Like, I know way too much about my coworkers personal histories, health issues, etc.

Anyway, one topic that comes up way too often is sex and how attractive some people we meet while at work are on occasion. I have attempted to abstain from most, if not all, of these conversations for a good reason. Mostly because I'm not out because why would they need to know? And I'm guessing most people just guess I'm gay and call it a day, anyway.

To the point, someone asked a very niche question related to a specific sex act (temp play) and, while distracted, I casually mentioned my own experiences with said act and, suddenly, way too many questions about what else I've done and surprise about my lack of virginity took place. I managed to deflect most of it and allusions without detail keeps them distracted long enough to talk about work but I absolutely regret saying anything in the first place.

I avoid talking about sex at work and in public spaces because I dont like people prying into my personal affairs and I don't think the workplace is an appropriate place to discuss it in the first place. Especially the questions that come up once people find out I'm bi.

Anybody else have a similar experience or am I being particularly prudish?

90s child (f), didn’t know bisexual was an option .… now in my 30s have accepted that I am bi and totally fine with that.

Recently I keep getting hit by all these memories where in retrospect I very clearly fancied women but was oblivious to it at the time.

as a late bloomer, does anyone else experience this sort of unravelling of crushes and pieces suddenly making sense? sounds odd but it’s like a memory suddenly crosses my mind and I see it in a totally different way now 😶

really do wonder how I missed the bi-signs hah!

so i 24f and my partner 26m have been together for roughly a year and a half. We’re both bi, and i am absolutely head over heels in love with him. For his birthday a couple months ago i decided I’d try something and ended up fingering him. Which he later told me that it made him wonder about what it would feel like to have a “real one”, and it shattered me. I still think about it now, although im bi, im very much monogamous and don’t really get desires to sleep with women when in a relationship with a man, well more specifically since ive been with him as im absolutely in love with him. I’m extremely sexually satisfied with my partner, but due to his medication he can only finish through penetrative sex. Which in turn makes me feel as if I don’t satisfy him, although i adore giving him head and he says it makes him feel all “tingly”. I have been seeking out other people stories hoping I’d get some validation and lose the worry of not being able to satisfy him. But reading through stuff it’s made me worry even deeper, ive read that bi men with girlfriends will hookup with men behind their backs, watch gay porn, sext men or they think about men a lot (and porn is a massive boundary for me due to being with porn addicted people before and it absolutely ruining me). And I just want my man to be happy, but Im extremely monogamous and the thought of him having fantasies and sleeping with other men (or women) crushes me. I just want to know if there’s any bi men out there that don’t want to hookup or sleep with men whilst being with their girlfriend or wife. As he promises me he’s happy and satisfied with me, but I’d just like the reassurance that some bi men actively don’t want to sleep with men because their female partner is more then enough for them.

How did you all realize you were truly lesbian? Im currently in a relationship with a man but I have such curiosities that I question whether I’m in the relationship because I’m bored or lonely or for the validation of it. I don’t know if the way I think about other girls is straight or not. Another thing is my dreams… sometimes they’re very gay and completely disregard the fact I’m in a relationship sometimes to the point I realize I’m cheating on him in the dream with a girl. Idk how trustworthy the subconscious mind is though. My sexuality is something I’ve always wondered about and I’m honestly really scared. I can see myself marrying this guy but at the same time what if it’s because he’s my best friend. Also, by marrying him that would rule out any opportunities of ever dating a woman which scares me. Advice or experience??

I never thought this was a hot take but I've seen increasing numbers of people, including bi men, defending the "preference" of straight women who aren't interested in men that are attracted to more than one gender.

That is bigotry. Painting it any other way is reminiscent of (though not equivalent to) people who "prefer" not to date people of color. We need to stop normalizing this out of fear of alienating people that pose as bi allies. If they have this view, they don't respect you as a person.