u/Alternative_Break563

I honestly can’t decide if it’s just a really intimate friendship or a homoerotic friendship with my current best friend of a year. for some backstory, we became friends while i was in a long term relationship with my ex boyfriend of 4+ years.

she helped me come to terms with not being interested in him anymore and i also helped her figure out she was a lesbian. we’ve helped eachother in that way. she got pretty possessive over me in the end of my relationship with my ex, jealousy issues and just overall possessiveness like she wanted me to herself.

we’re very physical and sleep next to eachother in the same bed every night, taking turns playing with eachother’s hair or rubbing eachother’s backs. we’ve even pecked eachother on the lips before a few times but nothing too serious.

one night we had some drinks and she asked me to climb up next to her in the bed so i did. she spooned me and caressed my face, telling me i was pretty and her desire to kiss and experiment with more women. i at the time didn’t think she was trying to make a move on me but now, i think she was.

we always talk about moving in together, getting cats and being ‘wives’ in our own words. we also make pretty suggestive jokes towards eachother but once again ive done that with quite a few of friends but never to this extent.

a month or two ago i hooked up with my ex because she was also messing around with other women, so i was bored and hooked up with him. let’s just say when she found out, she was angry and very jealous. it was almost like.. i cheated on her ? but we had no romantic obligation to eachother.

i know i like her, a lot. i’ve always had a preference for women in my bisexuality but i like her more than ive ever really liked other women. i would get pretty jealous just like she did when she would mention other women or other romantic interests.

we spend almost every day of the week together. there’s not a week that goes by that i’m not with her for 70-80% of it all. we’re so comfortable with eachother and in my opinion it feels like any other romantic relationship i’ve been in, but she’s such a good friend to me i don’t know if i could ever confess because id never want to ruin the friendship despite it being kinda obvious she feels the same way… but i wonder if she even knows that she likes me in that way?

anyways i guess i wanna know how to approach this and if i should confess, if it is indeed a homoerotic friendship and if i possibly have a chance if i were to shoot my shot?

i have strong feelings for her but i can put the romantic ones aside to keep her in my life platonically.

edit: i forgot to include that only a few days ago after we woke up in the morning, she had told me she had a dream where she had kissed me. i had a similar dream before so i shared that with her to make her feel less alone about it. i honestly might talk to her soon

Hey everyone, I need some advice on a really sticky situation I’ve found myself in. My friend practically exploded on me the other day and I still can’t get over the feeling of guilt and shame from our interaction.

For some back story, I was in a long term relationship with a guy that I met in highschool. We were together for about 4+ years, never any hiccups besides small disagreements in our relationship, we were very healthy for when we were together. The past few months I had experienced a somewhat loss of spark with him despite loving him so much, so a few weeks ago we had mutually decided to break things off for now.

I confided in my best friend during this time as of course it hurt. It was a bittersweet thing for me to be out of this relationship after growing and developing it for so so long. She had comforted me and given me many words of encouragement a long the way.

Despite all of this, I still had some love there for him. We began texting again about a week or so after our break up, and one thing led to another, I allowed him to come over and we did in fact hook up. I didn’t think it was wrong nor did I think anyone would be upset with me, only because our relationship was never bad until then end where I had become distant and he was becoming insecure because of my distance and isolation

I decided to keep this interaction between me and him private, not to deceive or lie to anyone, but just because. Maybe guilt or shame, but I never intended to keep it a secret. So I never told my best friend.

One day I was busy helping my grandma before I was supposed to hang out with said bestfriend, and she was suspicious, saying she had a gut feeling I was with my ex and asked if I was hiding anything. She continued on to say it was none of her business if we were together still but she was curious. No, I was not with him that day, so I told her that I had some things to do and then continued to tell her that we had hooked up and talked here and there. I wrote a lengthy paragraph explaining my experience with him, just to get it off my chest and get her on the same page with me.

It took her about 10-20 minutes to respond and then she completely EXPLODED on me. She was angry in a way I had never seen her before. We hang out a good portion of the week, almost always with eachother and knowing some of the most intimate parts of eachother but I had never seen her so angry.

She didn’t give response, just called me a liar, manipulator, said I betrayed her, and then told me she no longer wanted to be friends. Due to trauma, I began to have a mental breakdown and called her to talk it through because I wasn’t stable enough to type my response. Once we are on the phone, she’s raising her voice and cursing at me, exclaiming how I’m “male centered”, and that I remind her of her mother, and she couldn’t ever see me the same after this. It really hurt me as I had thought she seen me entirely different and believed our friendship was stronger than that.

I didn’t understand where all of this anger was coming from. I knew she might just be disappointed perhaps, but not *angry*. Once everything had calmed down we came to an agreement to talk about this in person, and when we did, I apologized once again and she had given me the question if I was gonna continue to speak to him. I said I don’t know. She gave me an ultimatum that it was her or him.

I love them both a lot. Of course me and my ex had broken up shortly before, and my feelings were all over the place regarding our romantic relationship, I still loved him deeply as we have been through so much together. For her, I loved her in different ways as well. She had always been good to me, encouraged me and helped me out, just overall a great friend until this. I understand she has bipolar disorder, but she is medicated, so this completely blind sided me and almost felt unfair.

I am not male centered at all. I don’t revolve around him, and never have, and she knows how strongly feminist I am and that I am my own person, not an extension of our relationship. He was my very first intimate, real relationship ever. So the feelings are still there and it will definitely take time to come to that complete end.

I of course apologized so many times to her because I never intended to upset her, but in the back of my mind, something felt very very wrong. This was unfair to me. Did she want a reason to explode on me and get rid of me? It made me feel so unimportant and as if those things about me might’ve actually been true and I just hadn’t seen it. She’s also a lesbian and sees many women on dating apps, so I’m not sure if it’s a hidden crush we don’t know about, or jealousy, but i wouldn’t understand why she exploded on me that way. Especially because she had never expressed romantic feelings towards me, although our friendship is very intimate and we had plans to move in together.

We remain friends right now, but now I’m at a cross roads. They are both important to me in their own ways and I would hate to choose between either of them. They are the only stagnant things I have in my life as my family situation is rough and I struggle to make other friends because I’m neurodivergent and also mentally ill (MDD, ADHD, and the possibility of BPD is being looked into by a psychiatrist. I’m also trying to get into therapy.)

I just need some advice on this situation. Am I wrong? She wants me to look and be in her shoes, and I’ve tried and voiced my regret and guilt for how things played out. I also feel like she hasn’t tried to be in *my* shoes. I need to know what steps to take after this. Can we rebuild our friendship to be the same? Am I wrong and do I need to evaluate my actions further? Does she even *possibly* like me and should I address that with her?

Any support is welcome, even if it’s not something I’d want to hear. I’m always dedicated to taking criticism and making myself a better friend and person. I just don’t know how to go about this situation because she is in fact one of my only and closest friends and I care about her deeply and do not want to lose her, or my ex-whatever he is at the current moment boyfriend.

Sorry for the yap sesh, it’s a lot so I’m sure you guys can imagine how stressful and exhausting this is to deal with.