r/ToxicFriends

known this guy for a year now, he’s been wonderful, someone i look up to, we are really good friends, very principled and sincere except just always in some kind of romantic trouble. boyfriend and i are completing a year in a few days and it’s been the sweetest relationship, we are moving in together soon, can’t wait! we are kind of the stable monogamous couple in the friend group, everyone around us is in some kind of odd situation or busy kissing their friends, i don’t judge but thats not me and my boyfriend, we love each other and it’s old school as we like it. anyway, went to the club, best friend tagged along and was incredibly inebriated, he kind of always is, it’s a drinking problem and we have tried to tell him about it but to no avail. tried to make sure we didn’t make him feel like a third wheel all night except when my boyfriend left to get us a drink, he put his hand on my waist and tried to dance really close to me. i immediately felt odd and left to the bathroom. when my boyfriend came back, nothing of that sort transpired. he stayed over at ours and didn’t seem to remember anything in the morning. it was too brief to recollect and I had spent all night feeling quite upset about it, questioning myself, if i had done anything etc. told him, he said he fucked up and doesn’t remember, boyfriend is upset reasonably so, he has been very comforting but the knot in my stomach won’t go away. whats in the cards for this whole situation am i having an appropriate reaction to this

Edit- context that i havent admitted to anyone else yet because i am having trouble processing it, i sensed that he was trying to grind on me, i dont know if that constitutes harm, i have spent a lot of time wondering if I am reading it wrong and he meant nothing by it but i can’t shake off the feeling that i picked up on it and immediately withdrew from the situation because i was extremely uncomfortable. i am so terribly unnerved by it and honestly i did not expect it from someone i considered a dear friend and a brother

Me and my friend began arguing recently whenever we play video games together in amounts that is way too frequent to be normal. They always use negative language when talking, like calming us names or making sure the last thing they say before they leave is that we should commit suicide or they hate us.

I really do love this person, but I’ve begun to hate being around them. I don’t want them around me as often anymore and there are things they are asking me to do that I no longer want to simply because they’re so mean to me.

The issue is they say I’m mean back, but feel like it’s more so my friend taking small jokes as huge attacks on who they are as a person even if they do the same thing to us and we have the same reaction, it becomes a big deal.

TLDR: my friend has started being an ass to me and our other friends for some reason and I wanna know if I’m the problem or if there’s something else going on.

For context, my friend and I (both females) were undergrad students and were friends for around 2 years. We used to sit together in class, and don't get me wrong she was amazing and so was our friendship.

However, she was going through some mental health and family issues. She was also suicidal to which I sought out help for her by contacting the police and doing all the correct measures.

But I started noticing that supporting her was becoming to much for me in the sense that she would take out her frustration and anger out on me from the family problems that were bothering her. This all started impacting my mental health so I let her know and ended contact with her.

Fast forward 2 years later, she keeps stalking my social media accounts to the point that it is getting concerning. She's making multiple insta and reddit accounts to see my profile and in order to try to contact me again. She's also stalking my boyfriend's instagram. On instagram I noticed that she's blocking and unblocking my profile like EVERY SINGLE DAY. I also saw that she made a fake account of me impersonating me.

So I'm like super concerned and it almost seems like she's obsessed with me. I really would appreciate insight on what to do cuz im super lost and concerned

Just a disclaimer: A difference of 300 rupees is around $3.14 which may not be significant for a person living in the US but geography changes everything. Here, 300 can get you one kfc/dominos/burger king meal or your bus fare for 4-5days and or a week of groceries and so on. 

I’m 20f and my friend Lara, 21f are college buddies. We met in college and initially were a group of 3 but our other friend had to transfer coz of personal reasons. Now, me and the other friend started hanging out first but later Lara joined us. Honestly, me and Lara never vibed much but it wasn’t anything bad. Uni is 5-6 hours so I could easily deal with her. Once the other friend left, things did become a lil tough in the beginning but I think we opened up gradually and are at a good place as of now. Although I don’t think we’ll ever be close enough coz I just don't think it's possible with our personalities but I do see us remain as casual friends even when uni is over and maybe hang out from time to time in the future. But there are some issues.

So Lara is definitely a smart woman, street smart and I can’t say the same about me. I'm kinda dumb when it comes to thinking out fast in public. So we went to this park almost a year ago and she got us the first snack which was 550 rupees and later on I got the drinks(which I wasn't interested in getting but felt obligated coz she got us the snack) which was 720 rupees and I have a rule that anything above 100 rupees should be split coz we are college students and have no part time jobs here(well it’s India). But since it was the first time, I didn’t wanna get petty for 170 rupees. Although I expected that she'll bring up the split but she never did. And ofc, if I would not have gotten the drinks, I'd have paid her half the amount of the snacks.

Recently, we went out again. This time, to the movies and due to traffic I reached late so she had to get the popcorn. She got half caramel and and half extra cheese popcorn(size: large). And I hate caramel, ofc she didn't know about it but we were texting constantly so she could've simply asked me instead she deliberately got what she liked but I thought whatever since I was late and the movie had already started, I didn’t care much. Next, I got the drinks. At first, she was reluctant to get one but eventually did get one and I paid for them. Again, the price difference between what we got was around hundred-something. The drinks were 700-something and according to her, the popcorn was 600-something(now idk if she was telling the truth coz I asked her about the price after I got the drinks so she knew how much the drinks cost so I can see her lying about it if she didn't want to split but again it's just an assumption). 

Also both times, we couldn't finish what she got and she took the remaining to her home. Now, you guys might feel like I am being too petty and maybe I am but it’s so hard to deal with her. This also reminds me, one time, we went to a fest from college, the 3 of us and I paid for the tickets coz they didn’t have cash and online payment was not accepted. The other friend, she paid me back but Lara never did. Now that amount was pretty insignificant so I don't bother with that. So in total, she owes me 300-something rupees. And no, I'll not ask her to pay it back coz it would sound petty as hell. But there seems to be a pattern here, don't you think? Not owning up...or something of that sort.

That's the money part. Other than that, she always makes other people do what she wants but they are mostly harmless but I find it unsettling. She'll also make weird remarks. This one time I told her that I wish to get a tattoo and she raised her eyebrow and made a face, saying "Tattoo, you?" and one other time, we were talking about boyfriends and none of us had dated before so when she asked if I have a boyfriend and even before I could answer she added, "Yeah, ofcourse you don't", which I didn't know what to make out of. Now, ik I should've questioned her then about what she meant and it could've been something silly but I freeze every time she makes these comments and later at home regret about it.

Also, I am rarely absent but I couldn't come one day coz I was hell sick so I texted her to remind the teacher about the application that I personally sent to the teacher. Thankfully, I also asked another of my classmate to remind the teacher about it coz Lara hadn't replied so I was unsure if she was even present that day. But Lara texted me back saying not to worry and that she'll do it. But I found from the other friend that she didn't tell the teacher in fact and this other classmate reminded the teacher of my application. And when I confronted Lara about this, she simply said that she forgot. This girl, who literally remembers every detail of a movie she watched 10yrs ago, forgets something I texted her minutes ago. But fine, it was one time. But I remember her then on, telling at least 5 people to remind the teacher about her application whenever she was absent(ofc she told me too). Is it because she thought I'd do the same with her?

A lot of people tell me how she's very selfish (being selfish is good but when your selfishness harm/ take advantage of other people that's problematic) and well I knew about that but uni is tough and I don't think I atp can make more friends and assignments and projects are so much easier with a friend so I keep sticking to her(see, I'm selfish too). 

So I need advice regarding how I keep myself sane while staying friends with her. Genuinely, she's not unbearable and we have a good time together but little things that bother me, how do I keep them in check? How can I talk money with her in the future without making it sound like I'm being petty and in general how do I deal with someone who's not a friend(I have a feeling she doesn't think of me as one but well assumptions again) and someone who's very smart???

Yall this July 4th was terrible..it’s hot I’m on SSRI’s so I’m even more hot and uncomfortable. We plan a cook out and mother in law buys the ribs chicken, husband and I get desserts and bestie was going to come over with his partner and sister/brother in law(they were in charge of meat). The night before we had a game night and asked if we wanted drinks. Me thinking oh okay we’re going to contribute and pitch in to get some stuff. Nope, asked if I had money(I’m unemployed so I don’t and won’t be drinking anyway) best friend says he’ll get the stuff, cool. Turns out the money he was using to buy the mixes was meant for buying meat for the cookout. People usually pitch in when buying alcohol right?

Next day, I’m messaging them telling them to not forget meat and he says “I might just get hot dogs, I don’t have enough” okay so tell your partner to help tf? Sister and bro in law can’t pitch in?? Plot twist they never do but boy do they eat and indulge like they contributed. My mother and sister, who came down to visit, ended up going to get meat and dropped almost $60.

They are guests and we had already determined who was getting what , I felt like shit asking them to get some stuff but no one wants hotdogs. Husband and I go outside and get the grill going and spend 2 hours in the heat and sun cooking. I’m pissed I’m hot and I’m in a terrible mood. We cook every take it inside and then best friend his partner and sis/bro in law come over ready to eat..with a package of hotdogs that NO ONE opened or cooked. Not even a thank you for cooking, didn’t even come over to help cook anything but boy did they dig in and ate and ate and ate. I was too upset I didn’t want to socialize with anyone. Terrible headache and heat exhaustion along with my husband.

Who does that?? No help in buying stuff or pitching in, no help in cooking ANYTHING. Sure happy to eat tho💀 this is long enough I’m sorry but thank you for reading

This may be a bit hard to explain so sorry if its not articulated well since theres so many tiny aspects that snowball into this really weird friendship dynamic i have with my bestfriend.

I am 17(F) and have known my best friend, also 17(F) for 10 years. We've known eachother since childhood and are very close... or at least i thought so up until last year.

To give a bit of context we have very opposite personalities and it hasn't been a big issue. But the best way i can describe her is that she is very introverted, reserved, observant compared to me. Also shes a picese if that gives away anything lol. Im more omniverted/extroverted, very spontaneous, energetic and optimistic.

Throughout our freindship, i have obviously come to terms with our different perspectives and personalities which i didnt mind, but also, iv'e come to the realisation that i have also excused a lot of questionable behaviours from her by saying to myself "thats just her personality".

Though, over these past two years, ive realised that i had considered her my number 1, my best friend, etc.. putting her on a pedestal when in reality she probably doesnt care about me as much as i thought she did. I also realised that close friendships aren't supposed to look like this so now, i dont have a close friend wherw i have a shoulder to lean on or soemone who prioritises me as much i do with them.

Here are most of the weird things she does that makes me question our friendship:

1. Ive noticed shes very self-obsorbed

Not in a notable way where shes done something huge that has made me realise this, but she's always told me that she's a person who feels a lot, who over thinks, and is aware about a lot of things and how kind she is. While i feel that these traits do reflect her to some extent, she only ever holds these traits when it comes to herself, and the decisions or things that she has going on in her life. To put this into example, a decision affecting me vs a decision affecting her -- she would pour her everything, all her thoughts and considerations into soemething that affects her but always dismisses my matters in my life and barley thinks about it.

2. She does'nt know how to communicate with me when it comes to my mental health and lacks emotional maturity

Last year i was going through the worst period of my life. My mental health was so bad to a point i thought of resorting to self harm and my bestfriend knew how much i was dealing with personally in my life. I wouldn't vent often, only if something was affecting ne a lot. But when i would bring up my emotions and personal situations, she would sit there, give me a pouty look and just repeat "yeah i know" *sigh* "yeah that happens to everyone and its bad." Its like she's an automated robot speaking to me with only 3 different phrases coded into her.

I remember that it got so bad for me, i even told her like "hey im not doing well and i keep thinking about harning myself" and she only responds with "yeahhh" *pouty face* "i knoww" *sigh*

After this happened i got very weirded out because like i just told her the deepest shit and she responds like that?

Another thing that she does which i absolutely hate is that If im not talking a lot or as much as i usually do because im in a bad mood, had a bad day etc.. and we're hanging out, she notices but doesn't say a thing and just sits quiet like me. I feel like thats so inconsiderate and weird of her to do something like that because she obviously knows something is up with me but reciprocates my behaviour like a 10 year old would. Maybe like ask me if im okay? I dont know if im exagerating or saying it in an attention seeking way but i just thought she'd check up on me.

3. Every time we have a problem or an arguement, she nake me look like a bitch towards her

Whenever she does something dumb and i get pissed off. I bring it up to her and tell her straight away if something she did bothered me. I cant even describe how, but she puts on this dainty act, and puts her head all low and goes all quiet which i hate, because i'm like qn upfront person, ill talk to you normally and im passive as well so when she does this act, it makes me feel like im being a bitch

4. She is very out of touch from reality

Lets say i have a bad day, and i talk about mine and rant on about it, she starts sulking and talking about her day and completely dismissing what ive been saying. And im not comparing our day to day problems but her one would be like "i wanted this product but my mum made me so overstimulated that i cried for hours and then i couldnt pick out which new dress i wanted, and then the store closed :((" and she'd say materialistic problems like this after i just talked about a serious topic that i had gone through that day.

3. She never messages first/makes conversation first.

Pretty much yeah. Never texts first unless i do.

Never calls me unless i do.

So ive just been trying to lately distance myself from her besides school and i really dont know how to even talk to her about these werid behaviours, becuse all of these are so specific and over the courae of years so it makes me look like an over-analysing phsyco. I can't lie, i have grew resentment towards her for this but every time i try to tell myself to bring it up, again, im gonna be the bitch in the friendship so yeah...

I want to know the best way to deal with this. So i'd really appreciate advice on how to deal with her and if i should talk to her about this.

I am a girl. I had a female best friend who did a lot of efforts in order to make me her friend. I got attached to her ( in a friendly way). She used to do things for me , took care of me. One day , a guy who used to be her male bestie fucked up , talked trash about her and i got to know about it all through a fake ID. It was me who told my female bestie regarding what he said. She cut off ties with him for a few months and then saw him somewhere and he cried for a second when he saw her. She melted and then started talking to him again. She asked me if she should do the friendship again and i said yes if you feel so. Then she started saying things like but if i do it again i will lose you and i don't want it and said she will not talk. Eventually i started hating on that guy. Afterwards i asked her to stop talking to him but she didn't refuse to do so. Even after seeing I'm so hurt and i was so attached that i used to cry a lot because that affected me ( when i was a person who never cried for any frnd).I am so mentally fucked up. I am not at peace. She keeps talking about him . I have become insecure now. I have an anxious attachment now. I told her everything and still seems like she doesn't care. She doesn't text me now , doesn't update me on what's going on in her life. Plus she has clearly said many times that if it hurts me I should leave because she can't tell what that male bestie did at her home because they trust him a lot. She's on my mind 24 7. Should I walk away or stay because she says i never understand things from her perspective. She says that she's compelled to talk to him. That guy wants her for intimacy and blocks her when he finds another girl and once that girl leaves, he comes back to her. Basically she's his timepass/ the last resort

Hey I need some advice on this last text from a so called friend.

—- Hi xxxxxx I understand you are upset and crashing out but I don't want to be the judge of your relationship, please leave me out of it —-

So for context we both met at work and bonded because we are both foreign coworkers at the office of the same age. So we deal with the same kind of paper work problems and living in a different culture from where we grew up from. I am also dealing with an addict partner and was never asking for someone to tell me to leave or stay just someone to talk about stuff and this was her answer to when i was going through a lot of emotional whiplash in one day, also with my birthday coming up next week, for which she does want to meet me to go out for dinner, and uni deadlines and exams at the same time. Am i asking for too much? For a friend to listen to me and not judge? I thought this was basic for actual meaningful friendships? Or am i too naive in believing people actually want also community? Thaanks any advice is welcome since ai am a bit overwhelmed with emotions in every direction and stress.

so this is kinda of AITA kind of post

my uni ended about a year back and there 8 ppl in this so called friend grp (it was a "so called grp" since everyone wasn't frinds with each other equally for eg if A, B and C are hanging out tgt its bcs A and friends with B and B is friends with C and A and C dont hangout khud se bcs they arent friends idk how to explain this better sorryyy)

(Also like 2 ppl moved out toh ab story main 6 aur log hain)

so fast forward to this one friend's birthday in the grp lets call him James

James and i were really good friends kinda situation so i was excited and all chirpy in the whatsapp grp planning how to celebrate his birthday wagera

now here comes 2 girls lets call them "Suzy" and "Lucy"
i was good friends with suzy but never on good terms with lucy (esp after she tried dropping hints to my fiance)
Suzy and Lucy were bff kinda thingy

Now sab se phele like a week before the plan itself i msged suzy if was available for the weekend to celebrate james birthday she said yes then i made the whatsapp and was fighting for my life to plan it out bcs now everyone has jobs and commitments toh plan bana mushkil and finding a time and place that works for everyone

then mid week suzy and lucy started ghosting everyone on the grp, i was okiee let them be bcs plan sunday ka ban gaya tha

THE DAY BEFORE THE PLAN (on saturday) I get snap from suzy
i see suzy and lucy celebrating james birthday with james other friend grp
i was like huh??

i msged james and called him out like baaki 3 (Me and 2 other friends who are better friends with suzy and lucy like these guys and i talk only we meet bcs of this grp )log bachay woh bhi same din celebrate karletay
James cleared out he didnt know about suzy and lucy coming
turns out suzy and lucy reached out to other friend grp midweek and made a plan with them bcs sunday unkay liye mushkil hota and stuff

then we get a text from suzy at 11pm on the grp with bahanay kay lucy kay ghar sunday dawat hai aur suzy busy hai toh woh log saturday chalay gaye and do din ijazat nahi milti toh sunday nahi asaktay then she had the audacity to say HUM NAY PHELE NAHI BATAYA THA KAY PLAN CANCEL NA HOJAYE TUM LOGON KA

BHAI MERI HATT GAYI

khair we 4 ppl went to the plan anyways bcs everyone had bought gifts already wagera

there during lunch i said i didnt like this harkat of suzy and lucy it was a wrong thing to do and it put me off and everyone agreed

toh wahan aik banda jakay suzy lucy ko bol deta kay i was talking shit about them (i didnt i just mention they shouldn't have done this harkat which i have said to them on msg aswell)

now i am removed from all their insta accounts wagera

idec bcs i was never the one to cater to a fake friendship and i always knew ppl always drew apart but AITA?

Basically im my village was organized a party that everyone were invited. I wanted to come but i was scared to go alone so i asked my friends Melanie (name changed) do she wanna come with me. She said that she thinks so but still its not 100% sure. I was ALREADY rlly happy untill yesterday. I writted her message some hours before is IT still okay with her and she said that she dunno yet. I told her could she message me yes or no later. She didnt respond me at all and today i saw milion od stories of her and my "friends" having fun without me. I genuoely cant trust em anymore they piekły talked shit about me how WEIRD i am.

So, I've had this feeling for quite some time that my closest friend from school when we were 16 (now 32) hates me or doesn't like me very much. In school we hit it off on a 1:1 level and were in the same friend group. For background I guess I don't consider this person my BFF (I had one from the age of 5-15) and it was a bit toxic in the end. I didn't want an intense best friend like that again. So I'd say we were really close friends.

We went to different colleges (still in Dublin!)and I genuinely felt at the time if I didn't reach out the friendship would have ended. But I started getting the feeling I wasn't a close friend to her anymore for the last few years. One big thing is she's really closed off about herself. She ended up telling me she was pregnant over text which I was really hurt by.

We live maybe 10-15 km from each other but only see each other every 8-10 weeks (if that!). A lot of excuses come up (maybe genuine because she has a baby). My partner and I don't like drinking that much and her partner is a big drinker so I feel like that's not the way we want to socialise with them.

We just meet for coffee/ lunch/house visit but tbh seems to take an age to organise and when it happens I feel like we're strangers. I feel sometimes she doesn't even like me! She's always been very quiet but it can come across as cold and it's hard to read.

Without fail for the last couple of years, every time we meet she will tell me about this other friends group which I'm not part of. It's like she's telling me she's closer with them and they seem to do stuff all the time together whereas we meet up hardly ever and it seems to take a lot of effort.

It hurts and I really like one of the girls she mentions - we were bridesmaids together at her wedding and I've hinted like oh how is she I'd love to see her again soon. Never an invite.

It hurts recently to hear from someone else that she goes to yoga with this friend weekly. Why can't we do something like that? Because she's so aloof with me, I've leaned back a lot and don't always want to be the one to suggest things.

Ok the final kicker is going to sound childish - but we are living in 2026! She is constantly on Instagram (way more than me!) and NEVER likes my stuff. Never comments - nothing. Does this sound like she hates me?! Genuinely?

We're in this weird dance I feel like where we have the name of being close friends but neither are really feeling it and don't know where to go from here. Btw I don't think she can handle a conversation like this. What are my other options?! Help.

PPS I'm also a parent now and I still feel the same weird vibe.

I'm talking about the people who never text first, never make plans, constantly cancel, leave you on read for days, and somehow still act surprised when the friendship fizzles out.

Friendship isn't a subscription service where one person does all the work while the other occasionally logs in whenever it's convenient.

Everyone gets busy. That's not the issue. The issue is when "busy" somehow only applies to you, but they always have time for everyone else. They can make plans, answer messages, and show up for the people they actually prioritize, but when it comes to you, suddenly they're unavailable 24/7.

Then, when you stop reaching out because you're tired of carrying the entire relationship, they either disappear completely or act like you're the one who let the friendship die.

No. Relationships require mutual effort. If I'm always the one initiating, checking in, making plans, and keeping the conversation alive, that's not a friendship—that's unpaid emotional labor.

If someone consistently shows you that you're an afterthought, believe them. Stop chasing people who have already stopped choosing you.

Me and this girl I’ll call Ella, have known each since we were 8 (we are 19 now). We have always been close, she had a lot of struggles with bully’s in secondary and primary school and college. I support her through it (even though she became friends with them again), she had a lot of family issues, I was there for her as much as I could be. Recently my cousin took his life, I was devastated, on that day I was supposed to hangout with Ella. I told her what had happened and that I wouldn’t be able to see her(June 17th). She said she was sorry for my loss and I should talk to her if I need to. Seeing as we were really close I took what she said literally and actually talked to her about what I was feeling. She replied with “I hear you, it’s upsetting, may his souls rest in eternal peace.” She didn’t reply to a singular thing I had wrote her… and the response just felt so icy and cold, very different from the way we usually talk to eachother. So I didn’t respond to her message, a week later it was the funeral and afterwards me and some other people went back to my aunties house. Ella’s dad showed up and seen me. He said hi, went to talk to my aunt and uncle and then left. Later that day I received a message from Ella “hey op, I just wanted to check up on you and how are doing recently.” This message would have been much appreciated, but I know if her dad had never seen me she would’ve never texted me again, this time I used my brain and realised she didn’t acc want to know in detail how I was doing so I just said I was good and I thanked her. She left me on delivered for 10 hours while posting on her snapchat story and on both her instagram stories and on her instagram notes. I was disappointed. I left her private story and muted her on insta, so I could block it out. She must have noticed because she added me back to her story and texted me back saying we should meet up, I agreed as I wanted to talk to her about everything. Now today we were supposed to meet up . I texted her saying that I’ll see her later. She texted me back saying that she’s ill and can’t make it. Honestly I need advice. I want to block her and never speak to her again, but idk if that’s too much since I’m grieving.

Hi!

I’ve known this person for 10 years and have been friends for about 6.5–7 years. I’m pretty introverted and she’s definitely an extrovert, but we mesh well together. She does 90% of the talking, lol, but in all seriousness I really care about her. But, there are a few issues that have me considering severing the friendship.

She pretty much fell off the face of the earth for about two years, which is why I consider it a 6.5–7 year friendship. We reconnected 5.5 years ago and picked up right where we left off. Things were cool we got dinner a lot , mani/pedis, talked about future plans, and attended most of each other’s family events. You know, best friend, right-hand man type of thing.

Now this is where things get tricky
After every hangout we somehow ended up at the bar…. She’d be drunk while I stayed sober or had one drink max. The more we went out, the more she drank. It was like she couldn’t stop once she started. This girl would drink five doubles and still not be ready to go home. My best friend is an alcoholic, and with every interaction it became clear this wasn’t just a once a week thing… It was more like five or six days a week. I knew she was a full blown alcoholic when she’d send me voice messages, I could tell she was hammered, and she’d still insist she hadn’t drank that day. Well why are you drunk? It would seriously be 1pm or even noon and she’d be a few white claws and miniature vodka bottles in.

It got so bad one night that she fell face first. No one would help me get her off the floor, so I had to call my mom to help me peel her up. Mind you, my mom was at home in bed but she was the closet person to the bar that I knew would help… she was so drunk she couldn’t even tell me the code to get her into her apartment so I had to bring her to my house to sleep over. Threw up all over my car and furniture’s.

After that night I told her I could no longer drink with her because I couldn’t even enjoy myself. I felt like a babysitter making sure she was okay, and that wasn’t okay.

She’s had many sober stints, anywhere from one week to one year. It always seems so promising, then I get the “Girl, let’s go to the bar” or “Omg, don’t hate me, but I’m drinking again.” One time I Hadn’t heard from her in days and low and behold she was locked up. Found out when I got on FB and her mugshot was on the local PD booking page.

*It’s not funny but as I’m writing this I’m just shaking my head laughing.*

It’s absolutely draining, and I’ve really started to distance myself. I’m no longer answering phone calls because I can’t tell you how many times she’s called asking for a ride home because she was too drunk. She’s had three DUIs. There were quite a few more incidents but it’ll be a 5 page essay if I write it all out..

She recently told me she’d like to see me more often, but I’m torn between cutting ties until she’s been sober for a while, cutting ties with no time frame, or continuing to be there for her. I’ve talked with my therapist about it several times and was advised to cut ties because of how much stress it causes me. My response to my therapist is almost always, “What if she calls, I don’t answer, then she drives drunk, kills herself, or an innocent driver? I’ll feel guilty.”

I hate that I keep feeling this way, but it’s hard not to. What do you guys think? If you were in a similar situation, would you call it quits? Have you dealt with an alcoholic friend? Ugh, I’m really beating myself up over this.

I met Red when I was in the 9th grade. She was a 7th grader back then, we both are girls. She was just a completely normal, extroverted, and beautiful kid. We instantly connected. You know those friendships where you can just talk for hours and hours about absolutely anything? We used to laugh until tears came out, and it was all so beautiful. Until .....

In 10th grade, I got into school anchoring and debates. It turned out I was really great at my work, not losing a single competition. Every teacher, the principal, and even the school manager loved and adored me like anything. But , I started noticing a slight shift with Red It wasn't something you could see with your eyes, it was just a gut feeling. Thinking she just wanted to get included into what I was doing, I guided her with my bestest. I coached her, and she managed to get into anchoring, though debates were too tough a call. For the next two years, everything went smoothly. Or so I thought.

The Dynamic Shifts By the time I was in 11th grade and Red was in 9th, we started spending more time with another of my class best friend Blue, we went on the same school bus. Blue was the kind of girl with high morals, elegance, and sophistication. I admired her like anything, and though we shared conflicts of interests often, things were pretty good overall. At least that is what I thought.

That year, a guy entered my life and we became good friends. He was kind, funny, intellectual, and a feminist, which made me respect him even more. Suddenly, Blue and Red started behaving so weirdly. They kept telling me how boys are not good and started warning me that he is a manipulator. I understood they were coming from a place of concern and respected their opinion, but I continued my friendship anyways.

Then, Red’s behavior took a really dark turn. She started coming to me with new stories about how she was insanely in love with her cousin who was 5 years older than her, and how they eventually got sexually involved. Out of concern, I explained to her that she is a minor and this is harmful, but she told me it was consensual, so I chose to no more intervene.

Then came a really messy patch of life. One time, while telling me explicit sexual details, Red got her hands on me and touched me inappropriately. I was so shocked that I couldn't even react. It was a horrible experience, i don't wanna go in details but I eventually forgave her, thinking she is a teen and it is just a mistake. We got back to normal.

The Darkest Valley: Mental Agony and Trauma At school, I was practically at the top in everything I did, including studies. Life was going good, but then a very rough patch of time hit me hard due to family conflicts. To make things unspeakably worse, I got sexually assaulted in my sleep by one of my relatives. It was a deeply traumatic time for me, and I went into an intense depression. By the end of 11th grade, I was a complete mess. I was crying and getting panic attacks every single day. My self worth was entirely broken. I didn't tell anyone about the SA part, and the weight of keeping that secret buried inside me was eating me alive.

Those months were the most excruciating, painful time of my life. The mental suffering became so heavy that my brain once turned completely suicidal. I just didn't want to exist anymore. The pain in my chest was constant, and the only coping mechanism I had left was to completely isolate myself off from the entire world. I stopped going to school, locked myself away, and stared into the dark, completely broken. Meanwhile, outside my room, people started talking and making rumors. When I finally forced myself to go back to school in the beginning of class 12th, I got to know that Blue and Red had started hanging out quite much. I actually felt happy for them, thinking they were finally making peace.

Then came a competition in which we all three participated. They got medals, and I got a chance to give a speech at a prestigious inauguration of railways in my city. When we were being felicitated in the school, they got their medals and I got nothing because my purpose was just the speech. The principal saw me standing there with nothing and decided to take the mic. She praised me so much in front of everyone, saying that I was the only one selected by the authorities for the speech and only our school got a chance. I felt grateful. But the moment we got off stage, Red spoke out of pure aggression:

>"Ham to chutiye hain na sara praise usko milgaya." (Translation: are we dumbfucks? She got all the praise)

Grieving and extremely hurt, I went to Blue, only to go into utter shock hearing her claim that Red is absolutely right. She felt that the school is biased to give me all the good opportunities and praise while they work hard but get ignored. I first tried to console her, thinking she is just upset and maybe I am the wrongdoer here. But then I used my brain and realized the truth, and I told her that everyone gets what they deserved.

The Campaign of Terror From there, things completely shifted. Both of them started showing their real faces, bullying me by saying I am a puppet of the school and that I don't deserve the things I get. They took away all of my happiness. At one point, they even made me cry in front of the whole bus, and all I felt was helpless. They targeted all my vulnerabilities possible, saying things my heart couldn't take. They spoke about how the situation at my home makes me a vulnerable girl, attacking me every way possible. I was already struggling so hard just to stay alive after the trauma, trying to heal, but their toxicity pushed me right back into that same dark, dangerous state. I couldn't take it anymore and decided to shut them off. I completely cut off both of them, stopped hanging out, and stopped being with them. That is when they started the victim blaming. They used to sit and laugh so loud, talking about me and whispering in the bus. I heard it all, but I still chose peace over drama. I got along with better friends and hanged out with them, and they were gold. They still are.

Later, I got to know how they talked behind my back, exposing everything private I had told them to others, making fun of me, and character shaming me. Red went absolutely ugly with it, so mean that I can't even hear what she said. They even told the teachers about my vulnerabilities and made them turn against me, lying to them about me. They wanted to destroy me.

Due to extreme sickness, I got one day late for the debate trials and they didn't allow me. Blue got the chance finally. She was happy and I was too, at least for her if not for me. I still had hope in her. She became highly competitive, trying to do it all. She was good at sports so she became the head girl of the school, which was her dream. I cheered for her from a distance, congratulated her, and didn't even take part because I didn't want her to not get selected. I would have gotten easily selected at first priority if I applied. Everybody kept asking me why I wasn't the one being the head girl, but I simply smiled to them.

Then one day, Blue broke down in the bus because everything was too heavy for her. Keeping up with the sports meet practice, debates, horse riding, and racing, everyday was tougher for her. That is when I saw her crying and consoled her, even cried with her. She got calm, but still chose to not be in touch with me that much, and I was fine with it.

One day, I remember she was vomiting due to sickness during practice and all Red did was laugh silently with her friends. I felt miserable for her. She got herself into something serious just because she wanted to prove something nobody asked for. I wanted to help her, but feared she would say something rude, so I stood and waited there to see if things turn bad or if she needs me. She handled herself hardly that day. I even heard Red talking shit about her behind her back, but I decided not to be in drama anymore. I chose my peace and got away with it.

The Ultimate Revenge We passed 12th this year, and I topped the school with 97%. Blue and Red scored average. I chose peace, and I worked for myself. Months later, Blue texted me apologizing and saying she was insecure. I accepted her apology humbly, but kept my distance. I never contacted Red after that. Today, I finally deleted Red's number from my phone and threw her completely away from my life. I am at peace now, living happily, and I got admission at India's top 3rd university. I survived the darkest moments of my life, and I will build my future taking this lesson with me everywhere I go

TL;DR My best friend of 3 years grew deeply envious of my school success and turned into my worst bully. Alongside another close friend, she weaponized my personal vulnerabilities during a time when I was silently suffering from trauma, isolating myself, and battling suicidal thoughts. Instead of breaking, I completely cut them off, chose peace, and got the ultimate revenge by topping the school with and making it into a top university.

A few years ago a traumatic event took place in my life and I had removed a lot of people. I stopped going out to events, birthdays, social gatherings etc. and still haven’t returned to that life I once lived. I even changed careers completely. I also stopped posting on IG (maybe once every 2-3 months on my feed, occasionally on my story and it’s been private up until recently).

I’ve always been reserved and to myself, but now more than ever I feel extremely isolated. For about a year I have tried to meet up with friends, grab dinner or lunch jump back into it and nothing ever happens. I have really grown into a new person and I’m happy, but why are my “friends” not being friends. I have them in my close friends on IG and they always watch, but rarely respond to my posts. A lot of the times they don’t text me back. Did I isolate myself for too long? Have I just outgrown them? I want to stop using close friends and just post publicly like I used to. I felt like back then I expressed myself so freely and had more convos with and support from strangers. But because of this traumatic event I had built a wall.

Anyone experience this or have advice? I’m also moving out of state in a month and no one has made an effort to see me after I’ve expressed wanting to!! Anyways.. yea..

One month ago my friend called me let’s hangout it was late I said no and we agreed to meet tomorrow, we did not specify the time and place but yes we had little agreement and we do that often

Next day comes and I sent him and did not reply at all I was like okay maybe something came up or he’s exhausted. Put in mind that he did not reply at all

Days go by and I texted couple of times he did not answer at all

After awhile I was like there is definitely something going on he did not say what it is all he said we will meet and talk

The story it is that superficial literally like that it was such an unexpected action he’s not the one who does this stuff not replying

I know that sometimes people go through stuff but mostly would say I just do not understand, is it how people end long term friendships