AIO for feeling hurt and not wanting to invite my friend to my wedding anymore?.
Buckle up everyone this one is going to be a long one
(Also I apologize in advance for any grammar issues)
Buckle up, everyone, because this one is going to be a long one. 😭
(Also, I apologize in advance for any grammar issues.)
So, let's start from the beginning.
I (F20) and my ex-best friend, M19 let's call him Adam have been friends for about four years. We met through a messy situation involving an ex of mine. I caught my ex cheating on me, and Adam helped me discover it. We both ditched my ex and decided to become friends after that situation.
We spoke every day and helped each other through some pretty dark moments, including depression and other personal struggles. We bonded over shared trauma, especially because we both had abusive fathers. He was my best friend and my biggest supporter or so I thought.
Over the years, both Adam and I had our fair share of rocky and unstable relationships. We would advise each other, support each other, and be there for one another whenever one of us went through a breakup.
About two years into our friendship, we decided to explore another side of our connection and tried moving into romantic territory. However, we both felt uncomfortable with it and didn't want to risk ruining our friendship, so we left it alone.
He eventually started dating someone else, and I decided to focus on myself for a while. We still maintained contact and remained friends, but after his relationship started, he checked in on me less and less.
When Adam started dating his girlfriend, there was actually a point where she wanted him to cut me off. At the time, she didn't even know me or have a personal relationship with me, but she apparently felt uncomfortable with our friendship. Adam immediately refused and told her that I was the one friend he would never cut off. At the time, that meant a lot to me because it showed me how important our friendship was to him. That's also part of why everything that happened afterward has hurt so much.
By the end of 2024, I started dating someone. Eventually, we got engaged to each other. He is truly my whole world and my soulmate.
When Adam found out, he congratulated me over a call, but something about it didn't feel genuine. Instead, he started belittling my relationship and would make comments like, "I hope this one lasts, considering you have bad taste in men."
He would also make highly inappropriate sexual comments about me and my partner and ask me how much I wanted to have sex with him, especially considering I was a virgin at the time. He also called my partner attractive, which I found odd considering the other things he was saying.
His behavior toward me became increasingly erratic.
He would say things like how his girlfriend was just like me and that he guessed he had a type. When we met in person, he also made comments about how my body looked like a mix between his girlfriend's body and her sister's. I felt like that was completely inappropriate to say.
And then there was the singing incident.
Before either of us was in a relationship, I posted a video of myself singing on my story. He responded with laughing emojis and told me that I couldn't sing, that I was terrible, and that I should never try singing again.
That completely shattered me.
I valued his opinion more than anyone else's because he was my best friend. Everyone else who heard me sing was supportive and told me that I had a beautiful voice—including his own girlfriend recently.
I ended up blocking him.
He contacted me on Instagram wanting to make things right. He told me that I was one of the most important people in his life and admitted that he had just been a jerk. I forgave him, and we continued our friendship.
Unfortunately, the same patterns continued.
A few weeks ago, we got into another argument because I expressed that I felt like he wasn't making any effort in our friendship anymore. I felt like I was always the one making an effort, so I finally addressed it with hlim. My partner had also noticed that Adam's behavior toward me seemed inappropriate and not like the behavior of a normal friend.
We talked, made up, and I forgave him again.
But once again, he went right back to his old ways.
Then came the most recent situation, which was basically the cherry on top.
About a week ago, I texted him asking how he was doing and apologized for a previous misunderstanding between us.
The misunderstanding happened because I was stuck at the mall without taxi fare. I had gone there intending to get money, but the bank was already closed when I arrived. I asked Adam if he could help me get home. He said he would, but the money never came through, so I assumed he had left me hanging again and made another plan for myself.
I later texted him and told him that I expected him to leave me hanging. He responded and explained that he had actually sent the money, but he had sent it to my other number, which was switched off at the time. He told me that my words had hurt him, so of course I apologized.
Anyway, as I said, about a week ago I reached out to him first, as I usually do.
He told me about everything going on in his life. He said that he is now a manager at a company, makes around 22k, and is planning on getting a new car. I congratulated him because I genuinely was proud of him.
He asked about me, so I told him that I was doing well, that I was studying, and that I was making wedding plans.
He immediately skipped over everything I said and only asked when the wedding was.
I didn't respond.
Then, on Thursday, my family and I were suddenly served with an immediate eviction notice.
I was extremely anxious and scared because I had never experienced anything like that before. My fiancé was also worried about me, so he reached out to Adam for help.
Adam didn't seem particularly concerned about what was happening to me. He simply said that he would look for a job for me.
And that's it.
My fiancé ended up getting me a really beautiful place to stay, while the rest of my family stayed with my aunt.
It is now Sunday, and Adam has not reached out to me once to ask if I'm okay. He hasn't checked on me, asked how I'm coping, or even messaged my fiancé.
I completely understand that he couldn't necessarily help me financially or find me somewhere to stay. But even my brothers' friends, who couldn't help him directly, still gathered money to support him.
Adam didn't do any of that for me.
No emotional support. No financial support. Nothing.
And what hurts the most is that I know he has the means to help.
Then there is the situation with his girlfriend.
I asked her if she could temporarily take in one of my cats for just two weeks. By then, we should have a new place. I even offered to pay her and provide everything the cat would need, including his food.
She completely ignored my message but continued liking my Instagram stories.
I don't want to assume anything, but I genuinely feel like Adam may have told her not to help me.
And honestly, I'm just broken.
I don't have it in me to forgive him again.
I feel like I've reached a point where I don't want him at my wedding anymore either. That is supposed to be one of the most special moments of my life, and I want it to be shared with the people who are genuinely closest to me—the people who have shown up for me, supported me, and cared about me when things were falling apart.
I feel like I've spent years giving my absolute all to the very few people I allow myself to become close to, only to repeatedly feel like I don't receive that same love, loyalty, or effort in return.
At this point, I feel like the only people I can truly rely on are my family and my fiancé.
So am I overreacting for not wanting him at my wedding or even in my life anymore?