r/AIO

For context: I would say my mother and I have a close relationship. We talk on the phone at least once a week, though we live across the nation from each other.

My husband and I flew to our hometown for his best friend’s wedding, for which he is the best man. We also have a toddler and a 3 month old. My mother was extremely kind to open her house to us and even went as far as getting us essential baby/toy things.

Prior to our trip, she offered to watch our kids for a few hours on the nights of the rehearsal dinner/wedding so that we could attend child-free. We quickly took her up on this offer because we have not had a night to ourselves since the birth of our new baby.

Now, I had a feeling in advance that my son was going to pose a challenge. He is exclusively breast fed (besides a bottle he took once or twice as a newborn) and is very attached to me. He does not tolerate being held by anyone else for very long. I let my mom know this well in advance and expressed concern for how the nights may go. She stood firm on her offer and stated “whatever happens will happen and we will just deal with it!” We went over some soothing techniques she could use to calm him if he gets upset (rocking, carrying him in his carrier, pacifier, burping, etc) and I planned on pumping so that she could try to give him a bottle both nights.

Fast forward to the rehearsal dinner. I texted her a couple of hours in to check in and she responded, an hour after my text, “when is it over?”. Figuring that was not a good sign, I immediately called her. I asked again how it was going and she said “do you want the truth or a lie?” I asked for the truth and she said “yeah he has been crying all night.” She stated none of the techniques were working and he has been crying for 2 hours straight. It took me some time to process this information so I went quiet and she then asked again when it is over. I told her I wasn’t sure but I was thinking another hour or hour and a half. She then said with a harsh tone “well do you want him to cry for the next 2 hours? Because that is the reality of the situation.” I got quiet again (primarily because that was very upsetting to me) and then we just ended the conversation at that. I left the rehearsal dinner within 10 minutes of that conversation and went to my mom’s. My baby was asleep by this point (thankfully) but I was still upset by my mom’s comment so I decided to take a shower to calm down. I then went down to her and told her it was not fair for her to be rude to me and ask me such a ridiculous question. She got extremely defensive and said “you have NEVER had him cry at you for 3 hours” and continued to go into detail about how bad the night was. I told her I know what it is like to have him cry at you and that it is extremely frustrating, but that it is not fair for her to take it out on me. I did not feel as though she ever admitted that she was being harsh towards me after that argument, but we both just let it go after talking some more. I told her I did not want to go to the wedding anymore but she said “that is ridiculous, you are going to the wedding.” We talked about bringing my baby with us to the wedding but ultimately decided it was not a good idea. She then stated she is willing to watch him again the night of the wedding. To make things worse, she was inviting another couple over to watch a football game that night. I told her I hated that I felt like my son could ruin all of their nights, but she said that the couple also has grandkids so they are familiar with being around kids. So I stupidly let it happen.

Last night was the wedding. Because the last conversation to check in with her went poorly, I did not reach out and figured she would reach out if any problem arose. I called her on the way to her house and she told me her friend had been holding my son for the last hour to get him to calm down. I got to her house and her friend (whom I had never met before) had my son on her hip and he was, once again, sleeping. My mom did not go into detail about how last night went. We had some conversations about what to do with my son since he was asleep on her friend and I felt as though, once again, she was being rude/harsh towards me. I did not want to deal with her again, so I just went upstairs to get undone.

I went back downstairs to get some water and overheard her and her fiancé talking about the situation. My mom said things like “no breastfeeding mother should ever leave her baby for that long”.

AIO for letting this impact our relationship? This whole situation has left me feeling confused, guilty, and like a horrible mother.

TLDR; My dad and my MIL want to go by the same grandparent name. It's a unique one and my dad has wanted it forever, before me having kids was even a thought in anyone's mind. MIL doesn't seem to want to give it up and my husband is defending her, saying they can both just have the same nickname. He says the only compromises are that or I pick a name and assign it to her which I know she would be against. AIO?

Disclaimer: I know grandparents usually end up just going by what the kid wants to call them anyway. But let's put that aside for the sake of this dilemma.

It's kind of a silly name but my dad has wanted to go by "Coach" as a grandpa and he's talked about it since I was like 13 (I'm currently 30). He's coached/refereed sports his whole adult life and his brother gave him this nickname in the past. I guess that's where it stems from, not totally sure, but he's always talked about wanting it.

My mother in law all of a sudden also wants to be called Coach. She's never coached anything besides my SIL's (26) little league, and it's completely random for her. I have no idea where she got the idea besides maybe overhearing the fact my dad wants it.

My husband says kids have grandparents of the same name all the time. His example was a kid having two "Grandpas" or two "Grandmas" - I feel like this is obviously very different considering those are very traditional names.

My dad doesn't have a lot. He and my mom divorced when I was really little and she died back in 2011. He's single and doing grandparenthood by himself (he and my in laws are not close). He's got a complicated relationship with my sister who's currently battling addiction. Things have been very difficult and lonely for him. I don't think it's an absurd request to let him have the name he's wanted since before me having a baby was even a thought in anyone's mind to himself.

My husband is being very difficult and telling me that if I don't want her to go by Coach I have to pick something out and assign it to her, which I know she is against. I find this super dismissive and just him not wanting to set a boundary with his mom. It's one name out of thousands that's off limits, am I really the bad guy?

ETA: yall I wish this was fake. I wish this was written by a bot. I'm 8 months pregnant do you think I want to be dealing with this shit 😩😂

Four years ago, my friend and I (both 30F) randomly ended up in a small techno club. We were both quite drunk but still looked good. When we go out, I usually just buy my own drinks, while she enjoys getting guys to approach her and buy her drinks (even though she’s married).

That night my now-husband saw us and wanted to get to know us better. He initially offered my friend a beer, as she was standing by the bar clearly looking for someone to offer her one. Literally three minutes later he met me, we immediately clicked, and that night became the beginning of our relationship.
I have NEVER cared that he bought my friend a beer first. What I actually love about our story is how random it was, how we met drunk in some stinky underground club on a random Thursday night, immediately clicked, and four years later we’re happily married. To me, that’s our imperfect perfect love story. The fact that I happened to be there with my friend, or that he bought her a beer a few minutes before meeting me, has never even felt relevant to it.

What bothers me is that for the past years, especially around new people, my friend keeps joking: “Actually, he approached ME first, but I told him I was married, so then he chose her.” Basically making it sound like I was his second choice because she rejected him.

At first I laughed it off, but after hearing the same joke for years, I finally told her I find it disrespectful and even hurtful. My husband has also corrected her multiple times and told her that’s not what happened. He saw two pretty girls in a club, offered one a beer, then met me and liked me, end of story. She seemed genuinely shocked and started crying, saying she never meant it that way and thought it was just a funny story. Part of why it bothered me so much is that she is generally very focused on male attention and often seems to need to establish that men notice or want her over other women. However, when she started crying and insisting she had never meant it that way, I actually felt really sorry for her and started questioning whether I was being unfair.

AIO for finding this disrespectful or should I have just laughed it off and let it go? She even almost brought the joke up at our wedding, and by that point it just wasn’t funny to me anymore.

Anyone can point me in yhe direction of someone who can help enhance audio and maybe even caption part of a video?

You can clearly hear my wife and her friend talking and about 18 seconds in she kinda mumbles something and I am certain she is telling her friend she had sex with someone over the weekend. Iono how to post video

Edit: To clarify why there is a camera under the bed we have younger children so we have camera throughout the house. So say like if we are doing dishes and they are in the room playing we can check up on em. Its help determine which kid starts a fight, when to run in cas they climbed a dresser or to keep the little one from napping (he has crack head energy and will be up till 3am for example). Lately I noticed she keeps turning off the cameras. I assume our boys knocked this camera down as they sometimes unplug some of em and she forgot about it

I recently got home from a 10 day vacation in the Smokies with my boyfriend, my brother, our dog, some family friends, their baby, and their dog.

Honestly, the whole vacation was frustrating and kind of a mess. I know that traveling with a baby for a little over a week is hard, but they seemed very unprepared. They didn’t bring a stroller, a high chair, toys, etc. The baby also screamed a lot and had a lot of tantrums. We had a lot of things planned, and there was a point before we left where they had wanted us to come over to plan what we were going to do while away but we didn’t have time, so when we got there we got attitude from them relating to how we never came over to discuss what we were planning to do. However, once we were settled and we were going to do things we planned, we weren’t able to, because of the constant tantrums. I completely understand that babies can be unpredictable, but I also feel that some of the difficulties could have been avoided had there been a little more preparation on their end.

There were also just a bunch of little things throughout the trip that started adding up that just made it more frustrating. I bought a collapsible playpen specifically for my dog before the trip so that she had a safe space and couldn’t escape in case someone left a door open, but they ended up using it to make a barrier around the stairs so the baby couldn’t go up them. They didn’t bring a bowl for their dog so they used ours and I had to use a paper plate to feed my dog. We did one thing we wanted to do as a group in the 10 days we were there, but then we did nothing else we had planned on doing because the baby couldn’t do long car rides or wouldn’t throw a fit if they couldn’t do something. It was just a long disappointing experience with so many things that kept adding up.

And then there’s the money. Let me start by saying that we split the cost of the cabin by each person, so that’s split 4 ways, since they are married. On the first day, we went shopping and we didn’t do one big order, we split it by household. So they were on one bill (mom, dad, baby) and we were on a separate bill (my brother, my boyfriend, me). Now that we’re home (and have been for well over a week), they’re asking that my brother, my boyfriend, and I each send them around $85 for groceries/food. Here’s the problem, they went to the store at LEAST twice a day on most days. We ate dinner they made maybe 3 out of 10 days while there, and for breakfast maybe the same amount?

I’m just having a hard time understanding why she kept the receipts and why we’re suddenly being asked to send $85 each when a significant amount of what they purchased was for themselves/baby and when we weren’t keeping track or planning to charge them for everything of ours that they consumed.

I just need to know, AIO? Should I take a financial hit and have my household send them $85? Or are they just being insane?

I just need to vent and get some outside perspective on what happened last night. My boyfriend (let’s call him “Stephen”) and i have been together for almost two years. Lately, he started talking to his ex again since they’re part of the same friend group. I’ve tried not to let it bother me because i trust him, but last night really shook me.

We had dinner planned with some friends, and when i arrived, guess who was also there? His ex. Nobody mentioned she would be coming, and honestly, it threw me off. When i pulled Stephen aside to ask why he didn’t tell me she’d be there, he said he didn’t think it was a big deal and that he knew i’d make it into something if he told me beforehand.

I tried to explain that it wasn’t about her being there, but about him choosing to keep it from me. I just felt uncomfortable knowing he was aware of how i’d feel but decided not to communicate it. Instead of understanding, he said i was being insecure and that i embarrassed him by bringing it up.

At that point, i felt so frustrated and decided to leave. I went home instead of staying for dinner, which he’s now saying i ruined the evening for everyone. But honestly, i feel like the real issue is him not being upfront about it.

Am i overreacting for leaving? should i have swallowed my feelings and stayed? I just want to know if anyone else has dealt with something similar. thanks for reading!

My boyfriend and I have been doing renovation projects in our apartment for the last couple of months. One of the last projects has been chipping and scraping off layers and layers of old paint from our door and window frames. It’s been such a nightmare because we both hate it. My boyfriend really hated the chipping part, so I took that on and he would paint. I hate it too, but it all needs to get done.

We’ve been working on this for quite a while, and at one point my boyfriend said he wanted us to be done by the time his mom came to visit in a month. I thought, okay, plenty of time, I also want to get it done.

Cut to his mom is coming in 2 days and we still have two frames left. We had a lot of stuff come up and only made little progress. I had already spent around 6 hours yesterday scraping and sanding one frame, and it’s super tedious and dusty work.

We had a disagreement in the evening about the plan to get everything done. He was talking about how I could finish sanding both frames tomorrow so he could start painting. He always does this where he completely underestimates how long these tasks take, despite this being the 5th frame we’ve worked on. There was no way I was finishing 2 in one evening after work. I told him it bothers me when he does that, and I repeated a few times that I wasn’t getting both done in an evening. He told me he didn’t want me to repeat myself, saying once is enough and he just wants me to try to be positive. Sure. I said I’d try to finish both.

Today I got home around 4pm and went straight to sanding. I spent 3 hours and was dusty as shit, but I was basically done with 1 frame. Okay, 1 to go. I called my boyfriend and he asked what I wanted to do for dinner. I explained that I’d finished one frame and wanted to clean up all the dust and shower before eating. He said I should just come get a pizza with him. I asked how bad it would be if we didn’t manage to finish the other frame by tomorrow, which was the latest it could be done for him to paint it in time. He said that wasn’t really an option.

So I explained that I would keep working because if I stopped to clean up and shower, I wouldn’t go back to working and wouldn’t have a chance of getting it done tomorrow because I also had other things I needed to do. I told him to go get the pizza himself. He came home half an hour later and brought some leftovers for me. Then he went to the living room while I kept sanding for almost another hour.

When I stopped for a break, I checked what he was doing and saw that he was watching TV. At this point I started feeling tilted, so I definitely didn’t come across friendly and asked him what his plan was. He said he’d been working all day, had just gotten home, and needed to relax a little. Usually I’m quite understanding of this, and I understand his work is long hours and he needs more time to wind down than I do. But I’d been sanding for 4 hours straight by then, and even more the day before, and there were other tasks we wanted to complete as well.

I got upset and told him I’d also been working all day. He said he didn’t want to talk to me if I was going to get upset. I asked if he was just not going to help. We went back and forth, and he said that he had asked me to get food with him and I refused because I wanted to keep working. I tried to explain that if I didn’t keep working, I had no chance of getting it done tomorrow. He said no one was making me work, and I asked if that meant it was okay if it didn’t get done. He said that we’d had over a month, so no, we better just finish it. At that point I told him that if he wanted it to get done by then, he needed to do it himself.

I went back to the frame and started cleaning up the mess. I was emotional and crying and just wanted to shower and eat by now. I tried to put the door back on the hinges, but it wouldn’t go on. I was crying more and more, and I knew he could hear me struggling but he wasn’t coming to help. I fully snapped and had a mental breakdown, put the door down and gave it a sad slap.

At that point he came in and exclaimed at me to calm down and that I was acting insane. Hearing that obviously didn’t help, so I told him to fuck off, which I regret because really I just wanted support and comfort.

Since then I’ve tried to talk to him, but he told me he didn’t want to talk. He says I acted completely insane and that my behaviour was unacceptable. I genuinely feel like he backed me into a corner, while he says I did that to myself.

I know that by having a mental breakdown I fully overreacted, but did I just create this situation for myself?

My husband got mad and said our daughter was a bad word and I've lost so much respect for him. For context, we have a daughter who has ADHD and she's 15. She's extremely selfish and spends every cent she has on gas station drinks, clothing, fast food, Starbucks etc. when she's not with us. She gets paid $5 a week to do the dishes and keep her room clean. She is told she will be paid more if she does extra chores and we don't have to nag her. We nag her constantly just to do the dishes a few times a week. I mean we have a dishwasher, so it's really not hard. I even tell her she can run it even if it's not full so that we don't have a pile everyday. After me telling her like 3x she still didn't do the dishes/run it. She just won't do it. I called my husband while he was driving her to an activity and I was on speaker. I VERY calmly said, hey I give you all these incentives, just bought her Crumbl w her sister and the least you can do is run the dishwasher. He says to stop belittling her! Taking her side and I said I'm not belittling, I'm just trying to get her to do the dishes without having to nag. He then calls me back after he drops her off and calls me to tell me she's a CU$NT of a daughter repeatedly. Im like what?? First you take her side and then complain to me that's she's a seeyouNT? First, it drives me crazy that he takes her side all the time and then he calls her that word, such an awful word. I can't get it out of my brain. Ive lost so much respect for him. I know she can be awful l, but I just can't deal w him being awful too. AIO?? Thoughts?

For context, I’m 16f in high school and this guy is 17m, we’ve been friends since beginning of high school and he’s always been pretty chill. TBH we haven’t rlly talked about serious topics before, usually just about academic things and similar classes we take and drama within our respective groups.

Yesterday, he brought up something I’d posted on my story on Snapchat (I posted a ss of Matt Walsh’s Facebook post saying that since the guys were also intoxicated in the Cornell 7 case that it meant technically she raped them, and I basically just wrote how insane that was to say) and I basically told him like, “yeah, insane right?” And he was like, “well, I mean, I agree with him.” Already I was like… what? As a survivor of abuse myself, I dissociated during the conversation bc it really triggered me and angered me, but these are the points he made: most women who report rape are lying, most men who are put in jail for assault most of the time are innocent, because Jane Doe did dr*gs and consented to a threesome at the beginning that meant she was asking for it, because she changed her story a couple weeks after the fact it meant she was lying, he needs evidence and proof before he believes anyone who tells him they experienced assault (and I clarified with him that he meant this on both the legal and emotional level - I can understand the legal side bc it can damage the accused, but on a strictly emotional, friendship, partner level, he still said he wouldn’t believe them unless he had proof and evidence, even tho I tried to explain that so many cases have no evidence or very little bc of how awful it can be and he still held firm to that), and he said that most men aren’t rapists. I think the worst part was that two of our mutual friends joined into the conversation (both also 16f) and one of them agreed with him on the factual side (such as that she thinks the Cornell 7 case is going to be hard to prove in court which I don’t disagree with but she just have no empathy ig) but the other girl said, and I quote, “if that happened to me, I’d report it immediately.” And then laughed. I tried to explain that she doesn’t know what she would do unless she’s experienced it (and I wasn’t insensitive ofc idk if she has or not but the way she was talking abt it and even after I said that idk if she had experienced something like that, my assumption would be that she hasn’t, so she was just victim blaming essentially. And they were all saying that bc Jane Doe went to the frat house willingly while intoxicated it meant that she knew what was going to happen. I even told my guy friend that I’d experienced a form of sexual abuse and he said “well I’m not talking about that I’m talking about rape” which felt like he was minimizing my trauma which I have diagnosed PTSD over that I need to be medicated for.

I was utterly disgusted but I felt and still feel crazy bc it felt like they all agreed and I was the outsider. I told some of my other friends about it after and they were all appalled so I feel better in that regard but I’m still worried that I’m wrong for not wanting to be friends with them anymore. With my guy friend, it’s the only bad thing he’s rlly done in our friendship, but it was so bad and so triggering for me that I just don’t know if it’s worth my energy, but I don’t want to be rude. And with one of the girls, she’s already been so awful to me lately so I’m just using it as the final reason I’m done being friends with her. Am I overreacting?

TL;DR - my (16f) guy friend (17m) made some really insensitive comments about sexual assault and the Cornell 7 and I feel wrong for not being able to look at him the same way and for being so upset over it, as a survivor of sexual abuse myself.

My birthday is on Nov 2nd , and growing up my dads birthday has always been August 11 like for the first 16+ years of my life, this dudes birthday was August 11, that’s what it says on all his documents. Well a couple of years ago he claims he found his baptism paperwork from when he was a baby and it listed his birthday as November 2nd

Every since then he no longer celebrates August 11 and instead wants to Hijack my birthday, like what are the odds that of all the dates he chooses my birthday,

Now that “our” birthday is coming up, he’s gonna be 50 or he’s already 50 idk and since it’s a big one everyone’s asking me to participate in his party on my birthday and I’m like bruh that’s not his birthday

Like sharing a birthday with him isn’t the end of the world sure but like I think it’s sus and everyone aka my siblings think im being rude by refusing to celebrate him on Nov 2nd. Im the only one who still celebrates him in August

Mind you both of his parents are still alive, they live in another country but are very much still alive and he’s in contact with them so I’m like if the baptism date is right why’d they let you have the wrong birthday for 40+ years

My husband 25M and I 23F have been together for 3 years and have a kid. I’m a stay at home mom so he provides for our family. I won’t reveal too much but he works in retail and is high enough in the company that he gets paid salary verses hourly. He manages a huge team and works overnights.

On Monday I went on his phone to set up something in his settings for him. While doing so, I accidentally clicked on screen time and noticed that he had used chrome. He only uses chrome for looking at adult content and uses safari other wise. I didn’t think too much about it as him “treating himself” isn’t a bother for me. But it was during the time he was supposed to be at work.

For reference, we’ve had issues in the past with him “treating himself” while I’m awake and making food. While I’m sleeping even though I had asked him for sex and he declined cause he was too tired. And the one that still kinda stings is when I caught him doing it while we were at the hospital the night our kid was born. We worked through it and he promised he’d do it reasonably and respectfully. We haven’t had any issues with it for a while.

I wasn’t sure how to feel about it and was wondering if maybe I was overreacting or reaching to conclusions so I waited to check his phone again today. I told him I needed to check that the setting i put in was still there and checked it again. Chrome was again used for 10 minutes during when he was supposed to be at work.

Also there is no reason for him to search stuff on his phone as he has access to computers literally everywhere at his job especially chrome.

My main concern is that someone might catch him and report it, leading to him getting fired and us having no income. But I’m also just wondering why? Like is it because he might get caught and it’s a turn on? How long has it been going on? I just have so many questions but sometimes talking to him about this stuff leads to arguments. Should I just overlook it? I feel super uncomfortable and weird about this, please help!

I’m pregnant with our first child, a baby girl due April 2027, and my husband and I are reaching the point where we’re seriously questioning whether his mother should have a relationship with our daughter.

I have been no contact with my own mother for very serious reasons. This wasn’t a petty family disagreement or something I decided on impulsively. My childhood involved abuse, and removing my mother from my life was a decision I made for my own wellbeing and safety.

My MIL knows this.

The problem is that she has repeatedly pushed me to reconnect with my mother despite me setting boundaries about it in the past.

Since finding out I’m pregnant, particularly now that she knows we’re having a little girl, she has become more persistent.

She has told me she hopes I reconnect with my mother so that my baby can know her grandmother because apparently it’s “so important for babies to know their grandparents.”

More recently, she became insistent that my mother should at least be told that I’m pregnant and that she’s going to have a granddaughter.

This really upset me.

I told my husband what had happened and he intervened, again. He essentially told his mother that she needed to back off, respect the boundary we had set and stop interfering in my relationship with my mother. He also made it clear that continuing to ignore our boundaries would have consequences.

Her response was basically that boundaries aren’t set in stone and are only a suggestion.

That comment is what has really changed things for us.

To me, a boundary isn’t a suggestion for someone else to decide whether they feel like respecting.

I have made it clear that I do not want a relationship with my mother. I don't want reconciliation encouraged. I don't want information about my pregnancy or daughter passed to her. I don't want anyone acting as a middleman. And I absolutely do not want someone deciding that my daughter should have a relationship with my mother because they personally believe grandparents are important.

My husband completely supports me in this.

Unfortunately, this also isn't the first time my MIL has had issues respecting boundaries within the family. There is a history involving my two sisters-in-law and their children as well, but I don't want to share their personal situations because they aren't mine to put on Reddit.

My FIL, on the other hand, is genuinely lovely.

He knows what his wife is doing, doesn't agree with it and has tried to get her to stop. Unfortunately, those attempts haven't been successful.

That's making this even harder because my husband and I absolutely don't want to punish my FIL or prevent him from being a grandfather because of his wife's behaviour.

But we're now looking ahead.

If my MIL believes boundaries are merely “suggestions,” what happens when our daughter is actually here?

If we say our daughter isn't going to be in daycare, is that a suggestion?

If we say don't post photographs of her online, is that a suggestion?

If we say don't give our daughter something we've specifically said no to, is that a suggestion?

And, most importantly, if we say our daughter is to have absolutely no contact with my mother, is she going to decide that boundary is also optional?

That's the part that scares me.

My daughter is not going to be used as an opportunity to reconcile me with someone I've deliberately removed from my life.

Becoming a mother hasn't made me want to reconnect with my mother. It's actually made me more protective of the boundary.

My husband and I are now at the point where we're considering telling his mother that if she continues behaving this way, she won't have a relationship with our daughter.

Not because we're trying to punish her, but because how are we supposed to trust someone alone with our child when they've openly told us that they don't believe our boundaries need to be followed?

The difficult part is my FIL. We love him, he respects us and he hasn't caused this problem. Ideally, we'd still want him to have a relationship with his granddaughter regardless of what happens with MIL.

I'm also aware that I'm pregnant, protective and obviously have a lot of emotions surrounding my own childhood and mother, so I'm trying to check myself before making such a huge decision.

AIO for thinking my MIL saying boundaries are “only a suggestion” is serious enough that, if this continues, she shouldn't be allowed a relationship with our daughter?

And would it be unreasonable to allow my FIL to have a relationship with her separately while keeping that boundary with MIL?

EDIT: Since a few people are asking for more context:

I'm 24 now and left my mother when I was 18. I grew up very rurally and isolated. My mother was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive, and her boyfriend molested me when I was younger. I didn't really have access to help until I left.

When I was 18, I moved interstate and got back in contact with my father, who helped me get out and establish myself away from my mother. I then started therapy and began working through my childhood.

After I left, my mother continued harassing me and used my younger brother to try to pressure me into coming back. This eventually escalated to my brother telling my father, “If you don't let her come back, I'll come down and shoot you all.”

A restraining order was put in place for five years after that. I haven't spoken to my brother since.

I eventually told my mother that if she continued harassing me, I would go to the police with the evidence I had of what she'd done, and the harassment stopped.

I met my husband and his family about four years ago. During the first year, my MIL found out I was in therapy and started prying into why. I initially gave her very little information — basically just that my mother had been abusive and I was in therapy working through it and trying to move forward.

She continued prying and eventually learned that I'd previously self-harmed. She then started openly bringing that up and making comments about how I “could have done better.” So issues with her respecting private information and boundaries aren't new.

About three years ago, with support from my therapist, I did make limited contact with my mother again. It was partly to see how I responded to contact after the work I'd done in therapy.

My husband came with me to see her. He thought she seemed like she'd changed. I didn't believe she had, so when we returned home I didn't continue communicating with her beyond occasionally responding vaguely when she contacted me.

Later that year my husband invited her to stay with us for Christmas. I was against it, but she came.

Unfortunately, I was right about her not changing.

The verbal and emotional abuse started again and I completely broke down. It felt like all the progress I'd made after leaving her had shattered. My husband and I had an argument about the situation and ultimately my mother left.

It took me months to recover from that.

My husband and I had a very serious conversation afterward. He had now witnessed what happened when she was allowed back into my life and understood why I didn't want contact with her.

Our families were also informed about what happened and that the decision had been made that my mother would no longer be part of my life.

My MIL knows all of this.

She didn't agree with the decision.

Since then, she's continued making comments here and there about how I need to respect my parents, how I should call my mother for Mother's Day, how I should speak to her again, etc.

So her comments now that I'm pregnant aren't coming from someone who simply doesn't understand why I don't speak to my mother.

She knows there was abuse. She knows I've been in therapy. She knows I attempted contact again. She knows exactly what happened when my mother was allowed back into our home and how badly it affected me afterward.

And despite that, now that I'm having a daughter, she's pushing the issue again.

That's why her saying that boundaries are “only a suggestion” has bothered my husband and me so much. This isn't the first time I've asked her to leave this subject alone. It's a boundary that's been communicated repeatedly over several years.

Linking original post above.
Also I’m on mobile, so sorry about any formatting issues.

So some people did ask for an update, so here it is.

There is a lock on my door, I have a key and so does my mother, Son B is now at a wilderness camp.

Also to add additional info for Son A,and Son B, both kids are not biological related to my family, they are both foster kids that my sister and her husband had fostered for four years and ending up with adopting them. I will simply state that the primary reason the older sons have no social media is due to a no contact order per the courts.
Son B was also diagnosed with BPD, along with other mental illnesses.

So to begin with the conversation about adding a lock did not go over well originally. My father was furious about the idea he wouldn’t have control over his own home and my mother did not want to “embarrass and punish” my sister for her son’s actions. Things have changed though.

First off the visit. Older sons ended up not coming after all, along with BIL, due to the fact the that the day before, their washer broke and flooded a portion of their home. So BIL and the older boys ended up staying behind and did not come over at all. I can only attribute this as an act of God answering my prayers that they couldn’t come. Lock was not added at the time, and my sister and son C and girl A used my room for their stay.

Two months after that visit come to find out son B has stolen again, this time it was a cell phone he was allowed to use at BIL’s parents house. All cell phone privileges are now gone for son B.
And my parent’s argument that son B would never steal from his grandparents.

A few more months after that, Son B gets another phone from a classmate at school, creates social media which he is not supposed to have, gets caught again, and by now also has multiple documented incidents that he could be sent to Juvenile Detention.

My sister and BIL had tried every option they could think of for him, therapy, meds, interventions, which led to Son B’s current placement at a wilderness school. They did have to wait for an opening, which was finally made available last month. Last action he committed before being sent was stealing 30 dollars out of my sister’s wallet.

My mother, bless her, agreed to put a lock on the door after we found out about the theft from his grandparents. So it’s there now, my mother has a copy of the key and so do I.

Reddit thank you for not thinking I was crazy when I first posted, it was incredibly validating to hear that I was not over reacting, and many more stated that I was under reacting. And to the redditor who stated I had a spine of a wet noodle, you are not completely wrong, I have always bent over backwards when it comes to family, especially my parents. Giving up my space for another when someone came over had been a thing for all of us in my family since I was a kid, my sister would give up her space, my brother would give up his, and so on. It’s just how we were all raised.

Sorry if this became rather rambling, I just wanted to update those that commented and offered their advice and perspective. Thanks again Reddit!

TLDR the title of the post is kinda self explanatory:
My gf (19F) tends to get mad at me (20M) for falling asleep without telling her

Basically me and her have been dating for about 3 years now and any time and every time I fall asleep without telling her or without saying goodnight she gets quite upset and sometimes completely livid and threatening to break up and block.

The most recent scenario just happened last night when I came back home at 11 from a night shift and we were texting and having good conversations. I was trying to respond to her texts and stuff when I unfortunately fall asleep without letting her know. 2 hours go by I wake up and open my phone to her genuinely mad and completely outraged and again swearing at me, threatening to block and break up, and telling me that i don’t deserve her and that i should just “leave her alone and go back to ex” or whatever she means by that.

Now I’ll admit that I do tend to just fall asleep quite frequently and i get it gets annoying when it happens so many times I’ve honestly been trying my best to fix it and what used to be everyday usually only happens one or twice a week yet despite the change for her she still get so so mad. I’ve asked her about why she gets so mad but she doesn’t really give much of an explanation just “I don’t like it” and “what’s so hard with just telling me”.

To be honest I’ve seen like so many relationships where when either partner falls asleep they don’t wake up to angry messages or threats but rather sweet texts from their s/o saying “oh you probably fell asleep again i hope ur rest is good and see you tmrw” or something and with me and my gf’s situation rn ive grown to be kind of jealous or wanting that type of situation with us. Ive tried to do the same thing when she falls asleep and be understanding that she’s tired and wish her a good nights rest and I’m just left wondering why she can’t do the same and what i can do so that she’s not as explosive.

Hello, so I work in the field of substance use disorder & mental health. Today I received an email about changing up our clinical documentation and how we are gonna bill our billable hours now, I had called in to another department for clarity about if we needed pre-authorization to go over the billable hours or if we were capped off with the billable hours that were given by Medicaid and if we could not go over that amount of hours. Mind you, I wasn’t talking to this man, I called billing, he walked in the office and took over the conversation & said “Let me explain this on a highscool level since your not capable of understanding something so straight forward” I was fucking flabbergasted, I still am, I even cried & I am not a emotional person. I just don’t know, I don’t think I’m overreacting because this isn’t the first time unfortunately I’ve even stopped asking questions in our clinical meetings due to fear of being made feel stupid by him. I hate this and I hate that a condescending asshole like him who fucking seems to be miserable allows me to feel this way.

Edit - also I want to add that I am not the only one who feels this way, I probably feel it the most but the rest of my co-workers do not feel comfortable walking up to him and discussing work issues or ideas with him. Collaborating with him just feels like every idea you brought to the the table is the stupidest idea that he has ever heard. He also acts like we do not exist, until he wants to criticize something you’re doing. It’s so hard working here because of him, it may be time to start looking at other options. It sucks because I love my clients, I have great benefits and great pay, and I truly love what I do. I just don’t know if I can do this.