u/Slow_Membership7589

I’m 19f and I work a very labour intensive full time job, where you are practically never off your feet. At times I’m hiking 4 hours with a chainsaw, or I’m walking between buildings carrying supplies. It’s been my summer job for four years now, and I’m lucky enough to have been promoted to a supervisor position.

Over the past four years I have only taken ONE sick day. I would often come in to work sick to avoid missing anything and, for the most part, avoid looking like a pussy.

However, over the course of this summer I have taken three in total. The first I had woken up and I was puking profusely (not quite sure what it was to this day), second same deal, and finally: today.

Today I’m not sure why I feel unwell, it feels kind of like my legs just don’t work. I’ve had a similar feeling before when I’d lift too much at the gym, but I’m usually able to tough that out. Today I just simply can’t move? If that makes sense? Obviously I’m not paralyzed but if I try to get up I just feel lightheaded and like I’m going to fall.

I got myself out of a day of cleaning, yes, but am I making myself look bad? I’ve been freaking out about this as my mother is being rather condescending about it. My boss takes a crap ton of sick days without telling a soul, or me for that matter, who kind of needs to know that info lol.

Part of me believes “okay, ___ took 3 sick days every other week, and ___ takes one once a week. What’s wrong with me taking a day?” But that other side of me, the “overreacting” part, is worried I am at risk of losing my job over this. It doesn’t feel like a serious enough issue to take the day off if that makes sense?

Either way, that’s why I’m posting here. I feel like I am freaking out over nothing but everything all at once.

I will definitely delete this later but I need to get it out of my system.

While it is completely my responsibility to handle my addictions, I believe that before we broke up my ex intentionally (or at least with my behaviours in mind) triggered me.

She had showed up to our class with bandaids on both her forearms, both tinted red. While nothing was on her wrists (as said by friends), it had caused a complete relapse in me after almost a year clean.

And now I am back in the dumps because of it. I’m so angry and part of me is trying to come up with excuses but I’m actually done doing that. I feel like a terrible person because now I’m “blaming my relapse” but she genuinely knew how easily triggered I am. And now I can’t stop and I’m ruining my health.

Ok this is word vomit so ignore how all over the place it is

I need to relapse so bad right now. My thoughts are too much and in some places I have scars that I don’t have on others and I need to make it even. I need to see a scar on my body and feel the blade pressing into my skin, but I can’t because I’m being monitored. I’ve been clean for a month and it’s the longest I’ve gone in a year. I feel like if I don’t cut myself I’ll kill myself, but nobody will understand that if I say that’s my reason but it is. I’d rather cut myself than kill myself. I miss seeing the fat bubble out, and I miss feeling the relief of focusing on a different pain. But I genuinely can’t and I feel like im going to kill myself if I don’t cut.

I got a small kick out of lighting a lighter in my hands at work today. Close enough to hurt but not scar. It’s not enough though, not even close. It doesn’t even feel like it’s within my control anymore, just something I need to do to prevent my death. I’m scared and I want to hurt myself so bad to feel good. I don’t want to die.

(19F) Hey guys! I usually dislike posting my private information but unfortunately it’s become a little too much for me to bear.

I’ve dealt with what I’m 99% sure is OCD for my entire life, and I was able to get over some of my obsessions recently in therapy. I never bring it up in therapy though, because I’m afraid I’ll look like some sort of attention seeker or that I’m faking it..

However today and over the past couple weeks I’ve developed what I believe to be POCD. And it’s horrific. It caused me to have a panic attack at work because I had been talking about how cute some babies are!! And oh my god it feels like a sin even typing that sentence!

I had said that I thought babies with fat cheeks were cute because it squishes up their faces when you squish them. But I feel so disgusting saying that, and in the moment I immediately shut myself up because I felt like I was being a creep.

I want to formally tell my parents that I think I have ocd, but as mentioned before, I’m really scared that I’ll be seen as an attention seeker and that I don’t actually have it. What should I say to avoid seeming like this??

For context, I am a manager/supervisor kind of role at a bluecollar workplace. I’m 19 but I’ve been working there since I’d turned 15, and it’s my first summer in this position, yay me!

I take my work extremely seriously. I wake up, get to work ~35-45 mins early, and often skip my breaks. I’m very passionate about it.

Today though, I had my first slip up, after already having a really bad day. It seemed small enough, but my boss had even taken off her glasses and kind of talked to me like “come on, you know better, seriously?” When I genuinely didn’t… but now I’m freaking out.

I want to send her a giant apology text as I usually do, because now I’ve just gotten off shift and am already sobbing in my bedroom because I feel like I’ve just ruined the reputation I’d been working to build for the 4 years I’ve been working here.

I do have a very difficult time identifying my OCD as I’ve been living undiagnosed for so long, so I’ll often do compulsions or violently seek reassurance without realizing it, hence this post.

If I sent her a giant text apologizing again after already doing so in person, would that be a form of reassurance seeking? I feel like I’ll freak out until tomorrow if I don’t do it, and I really wanted a good nights sleep tonight 😭 she never really pulled me aside or anything but I still feel horrible, just because I take my job so seriously. AGGHH this is so irritating.

I feel so horrible. I have a healed attempt scar on my arm, and I work bluecollar so I had to wait like FOREVER for it to heal. Was just considering wearing a sweater the whole summer but I work full time and in 40° weather so that’s like literally impossible.

The moment I took off my sweater, thinking “man nobody’s gonna ask cuz it’s not their business”, I get “OMG WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ARM??!!??”

I ended up just saying it was a hawthorn bush, because we do a lot of trimming at my job and I’ve gotten a shitton of cuts from them, but then my coworker went “Oh my god ___ that’s bad, like that’s really bad. You should’ve gotten stitches.”

In my head I was like “no?? Beans doesn’t constitute stitches. You can wet heal it easily.” And I had to take a minute, because I felt disgusted that I could even think that. Of course I needed stitches, anyone who cuts should get proper medical attention, but why do I think it’s not that bad?? Am I THAT desensitized?

I’m a little ashamed that I’m not able to see wounds the same as everyone else. I’ve never gotten stitches and the only time I can imagine getting them is if I hit bone or something, which I know is bad… but I also feel horrible for exposing my coworkers to that. It’s fully healed, but still, I feel like a horrible person.

Genuinely people need to talk more about the horrific urges that come with self harm. I’m always trying to go deeper, tell myself to go deeper, envision it, try to do it, etc. to the point where accidental serious injuries don’t even affect me anymore. I ripped my calf open on a tree branch at work, and everyone else was freaking out but all I could think about was how I wouldn’t need stitches and that it’s not as bad as the other cuts I’ve done. Maybe I sound stupid and incoherent but I am kind of just word vomiting so I don’t kms here

And nerve damage holy moly??? It’s gotten so bad I feel like tv static everywhere and my legs won’t stop twitching. Irritating

I usually did this to avoid triggering people and to obviously hide my harm without being obvious about it, so if you’re looking for that then this is the right post.

Since I work a blue-collar job, a lot of my work involves hot weather and short sleeves, which is obviously not ideal for me. I can’t just wear a sweater when it’s 40° out, not without looking awkward/stupid.

So, for people who experience hot weather in the summer, I recommend arm cooling sleeves from Amazon or any local sports store. For me, compression ones work best because they wick sweat away easier, but everyone is different :) they provided a lot of easier excuses and almost nobody asked, with obviously an added bonus of being able to stay cool.

If you’re struggling to stay clean you’re not alone! Keep trying and recovery will always be brighter!

I usually dislike posting about my harm but I recently cut a long stripe down my leg and I swear to god walking feels like jolts going up my ENTIRE BODY.

I work blue collar why did I do this bruh 😭😭 if this helps anyone to quit I hope so bc good lord this hurts. Stay safe people!! ❤️❤️

Tomorrow I am getting my very first tattoo and I am SO excited as I’ve looked up to this artist for like A YEAR!

I wanted to get a gecko or something reptile related on my tricep just above my elbow, and the custom design my artist came back with is FIREEEE I love it.

My mom (who is very against tattoos) loves it too! But she tells me if I get it on my upper tricep I won’t get a job because “times are changing”… which I don’t fully believe. I am a manager at my job, and I know that all of the people that work at my work have tattoos and full sleeves. I feel like personally people have stopped caring about things like that, and especially since my tattoo will be quite small and tasteful I don’t know what else I can say to convince her it’s alright?

I know it comes from a place of love, but I really want it there and I’m not sure how to tell her it will be ok. Any thoughts?

For context, I went through a breakup a few months ago. It didn’t last long, but the situation was very poor.

Recently, my OCD has been off the charts and grasping at everything to make me feel horrible, and no matter how much I logically try to think it through I always end up crying or hurting myself.

I feel ashamed of my thoughts and actions, and I’m convinced I sexually assaulted my partner even though we were never intimate. I feel like a horrible person who deserves nothing but pain.

All it was was kisses on the cheek or hand, which I admit I compulsively asked for consent ALWAYS beforehand, sometimes multiple times. But now I’m wondering; what if the consent wasn’t meaningful enough? What if I hadn’t asked enough times and she felt pressured to say yes? God, even typing this out in trembling. I feel horrible.

I am trying to cope with these thoughts as much as I can but it is completely overwhelming and I feel like shutting down. I don’t deserve to be in public, and I’m scared I will hurt someone.

I can’t even ask for reassurance because I know that just perpetuates the cycle, but if I don’t, I’m convinced Im horrible.