r/AskAnOCDTherapist

Kind of a random question but do people with ocd enjoy their lives?

I suspect that i have hocd/soocd. I think it does play a huge factor as to why I'm unhappy but regardless I dont have anything I like. No TV shows, no movies, no games. Anything I do I have no peace or joy at all. I woke up today just so sullen and sad and immediately started panicking (what did I dream about scared did i dream of women and therefore I'm lesbian) but i mean its just constant emptiness. I feel nothing for no one im constantly fighting my thoughts so I really have no time to think about anything else. But this cant be life just sad and just going through life. I mean what's the point then?

Anyways my main point is, is this what everyone with ocd feels (we definitely arent all the same) but something has to be common or do other people also feel like this and is it a result of ocd? Or is it depression? Or do some people still enjoy life with ocd?

I seriously can’t stop ruminating on my past. First of all, when I was in high school my hormones were high and I’m pretty sure I stared at girls longer than what is normally acceptable. I’m afraid that I might have stared at underclass men without knowing they were underclassmen. I also did a lot of people watching. I basically have a staring problem and I’m afraid I was caught on video by students and that I will be exposed as a creep. I can’t stop I can’t stop I can’t stop I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s hurting me so FUCKING MUCH!

So I (25F) am in a relationship with my wonderful girlfriend (22F). We’ve been together 6 months and it’s actually been my healthiest relationships. I’m struggling with recent thoughts/feelings regarding our relationship. For context, I am all sorts of messed up. I was SA for 10 years by a “loved one”, I had an emotionally and mentally abusive ex, and I have homophobic parents. So, safe to say I have lived with constant anxiety and ptsd (both diagnosed). I’m struggling to understand what’s going on right now with my partner because I know I love her and things are so perfect with her. I love everything about her as a partner and we genuinely match each other so perfectly as a couple. Lately I’ve been finding myself criticizing every little thing she does then sticking to that “thing” and being less drawn to her. The pattern continues: I see smthn I pick it apart then stick with it. For example, she tends to make a silly face and make a claw like gesture at me randomly. One day I thought about that and felt it’s weird so now that’s something that drives me crazy. When I catch myself thinking like that I bring myself back to reality and then I’m good. But recently it’s just been exhausting bcs over any little thing. And the worst part is, she has no clue about this exactly. I do share with her how my last relationship and my life experiences impact me now with us but she so graciously accepts me and wants to work on it with me. I think I’m rambling on now but yeah, any thoughts?

Hii , does anyone know what might cause selective mutism, OCD, social anxiety in young children ? Right now, I am 22 but as a child I had all of these. I’m a researcher now and I’m trying to figure out what caused it, whether it was purely genetic or due to my childhood trauma ? My mom had always been in a dysfunctional, abusive relationship and my dad used to beat me even as a 5 year old. My dad couldn’t show affection and he continually made us move homes or left us to work overseas. We were also quite poor and lived in India at the time but then we moved overseas to Australia when I was 7. After that my anxiety got a bit better and over time I grew out of the selective mutism by highschool age. Just curious, is it more like my genetic / epigenetics programming caused these issues or was it the childhood? My mum said her pregnancy with me was rough and my dad was very abusive and sometimes she didn’t even get to eat enough. I was also born a bit underweight. Also, how come the OCD went away on its own ? Also I really don’t think I’m autistic , so that can’t be the cause.

I am 26years old man. Sorry if my English is not good but it is not my native language.

Since I know myself I was chasing girls. I remember most of them since my young. I was dreaming about having kids, marry to woman. Touching every single girl in my class throw my high school time. Dreaming how I will sleep with my female teachers and etc. The number of times I was heartbroken by girls and sad and depressed was infinite. Everybody in my company knew me and always saw me of the Romeo(from Romeo and Juliette ) but now I am having a girlfriend.

I was a child full with energy and dreams. But also with intrusive thoughts.

How I will choke with food and I will die and till this day I am eating really carefully.

How are pill will stuck in my throat and I will eventually die and also until this day I feel calm when I have to break it and swallow it in the kitchen next to the TV.

How are wasp or fle will go inside my ear and I will go deaf and also before 2-3 years I was sleeping with blanket over my head. And very very much

When I was 15 my health anxiety spiked because I was ill and I search for cancer in the brain and I found a similar symptom and I freaked out. I won't go in much details but for year and few months I felt every single symptom of every cancer but I went to therapist and was diagnosed with health anxiety and I fixed little by little.

Over the years I had many inttusive thoughts about death of my closest friends or family. I had for 1-2 days thoughts about harming my current girlfriend but it just passed. I didn't know what intrusive mean.

My painful story began with nearly close break up with my current girlfriend with which I am from 2022 year. I was the happiest guy in the world because our relationship was so healthy, without jealousy, nothing. Of course there was in the beginning.

As I said when we was near breaking up (because of her) I developed really big uncertainty about her feelings. I was constantly feared she was gonna break up with me and every single day I was asking did she still love me because I would cry my eyes out if I didn't know the answer.

When we had one of our sexual intercourse a face of man appeared in my mind. I said to myself what the heck. It turned me off. The next time, the same thing.

What the fuck was wrong with me.

3rd or April, 2025. MY LAST LUCID DAY. After 2 days I was having a team building meeting. There was a nearly 56-57 year old co worker. He was speaking very well, had good charisma, was good looking guy.

Scenarios started to flow in my mind with him and I then the thought that changed my life since that day, appeared...

"Why are you looking at him like you are gay".

This freaked the shit out of me and the first thing I did was to leave the meeting, go to the toilet and just play a straight adult videos to disprove this thought.

I kind of releaf but the thought was just chasing me. In the evening I was men, started to notice them more and more and was so anxious, didn't know what was happening with me. During the night I had a wet dream with my old ex and I was calm for a few hours after morning.

The thoughts just kept chasing me, how I have to marry a guy, how I have to do sex with a guy. I had such a big anxiety and low guilt about those thoughts. Was i really attracted to him? Why i started to notice guys more and more and woman less and less?

Few days later after constant anxiety i told my mother and also my girlfriend about my thoughts and they supported me. That we will go thru this together, my mother told me this is was the same with the health anxiety just shifted it with gay thoughts. I was good again for few hours a day but i couldn't stay normal when I didn't knew what was happening with me...

My sex drive dissappear out of nowhere. My brain confused the shit out me when I had a little tinggle in my groinal when I saw a just random guy abs.

Guys. I was raised as a sport guy. At 13 years old I started practice kick boxing, taekwondo and trained it until this period and for God sake I never found abs or men bodies handsome or something that I would like to be with. Of course I was jealous if someone is better than me. I was raised with really low self-esteem and always founded the problems inside me if I was rejected by a girl.

Started to notice everything. Their lips, their eyes. Everything. And for the topping started to notice they groinal. Couldn't watch anymore a video that include penis because I was constantly anxious. From a normal sex life throw the years to 2 times a week and without real desire. Started to doubt my feelings about my girlfriend, did I really loved her. Did I loved every girl i was with. Was my past real. Did I live in a lie.

Visited my old therapist, told her everything i felt and she bet that if I am gay that she will destroy her higher education diploma for psychologist.

I cried my eyes out of happiness after I heard what she told me. But after few hours the doubts started again. And again. I was constantly checked my groin every time I felt something down there.

I couldn't stay near my friends without having those thoughts of kissing them, do something with them. Even my closest persons. I couldn't stay shirtless because I was feared any men will find me handsome. I started to doubt even that. All my life I wanted to be handsome and look good to girls. I didn't care for men. But I doubt every single thing in my life. My dreams started to be full of men. I couldn't sleep well. Started to read stories about how gay man realized they were in mid life. In the beginning again I calmed myself because those guys really didn't have nothing about woman. Until I started to doubt even that? What if I only thought I was attracted to woman? All those stories. All those gay porns, all that penis checking all the day thru this very day... it is so painful, so distressing. Like I could attach for everything.

Started to making a scenarios in my head to see will I like it with men. And everytime I tell myself "no you have to stop" anxiety pass, another feeling of uncertainty flow into my mind and have to do this again and again. For over 30 times a day.

Have to constantly analyze what i have for men. I feel something that's not right. Why i don't have this feeling and calming feeling when j am with woman and especially my girlfriend. Everytime I feel aroused by her my mind will always try to put a man to this picture. A keep looking a pictures of guys groinals to see what i feel. Sometimes I feel disgusted and after some time I don't. Why i don't feel disgust. Why does it feel like a curiosity. Why do I feel like I am closeted gay. I can't find peace because of this uncertainty.

Now I am visiting therapist especially in OCD and anxiety disorders. And also she bet I have HOCD. Told me about how I should stop to engage with the thoughts, to accept them. How I should have to stop checking a male genitals, stop creating those scenarios and many more. But I feel like this just is a constant part of my life now. Like it is automatic.

For example:

Just see a random guy, see he is good looking man. And I have to see what i will feel if I create something in my mind with him. And when I feel something down in my groinal the anxiety will spiked again. I have to stop what I am doing and to look again pictures of male genitalia, body and etc until I have the pleasurable answer in my head that I will never do anything with him.

And this is my whole day and everyday for 1 year. There are times that my attraction to girls is coming back and I realizing how ridiculous this is to think I am gay. But it will always come back.

Also my therapist told me I am not doing ERP. instead of expose to the fear and not doing compulsions I am doing exactly the compulsion. Just to see. But again the doubt start. Is this HOCD. Am I this kind of guy that have all his live some types of OCD, had to think he has HOCD and then found he is gay.

Everything, dear therapists.

I feel anxious around men. But I saw a stories about gays that are in denial also had anxiety around them. And what if I am like them?

My relationship is not going well I and I know I will loose the greatest girl in my life. Because everytime we see each other i will always be anxious and sad because of the thoughts. And always to analyze everhing I am feeling. She is not happy in our relationship. I am with her since 2022 and I had no doubts about my life before.

I can't distinguish the false attraction from real now.

I know you will tell me to stay with the uncertainty but I want one more opinion from high quality therapist.

Is it normal sometimes to have false interest? Is it normal my brain to create all those scenarios with men and feel like I am aroused? Is it normal to live my life in lie. I can't trust myself anymore about anything.

As I read over 100+ articles about everything connected to LGBTQ, about denial, about hetenormativity. I didn't even knew this was a thing. How could I be with a girls, like girls, cry about them and could fake it? This is insane. But again. I doubt even that. Sometimes my anxiety is so big that I loose even smell and all feelings just dissappear until my brain restarts.

Is this HOCD or denial?

Is is normal to feel all my life was a lie and I never was attracted to woman?

What are those intrusive feelings? am I experiencing them?

I will be the most thankful person if I can get your answear!

Thank you!

I’m not looking for a diagnosis, just wondering if anyone has experienced something similar or has any idea what this pattern might point toward.
About a year ago, after watching a lot of violent content, including serial killer videos and one particularly disturbing gore video, I started having an intense fear that someone was going to kill me.
I stopped watching that kind of content, and the fear has improved a lot since then, but it never completely went away.
The strange part is that the person I’m afraid of changes depending on who I’ve recently had conflict with. My brain comes up with logical scenarios for why that specific person could hurt me, but the underlying fear is always the same.
The fear is almost entirely at night when I’m trying to sleep.
I constantly feel the need to check my surroundings. If I’m lying on one side, I keep looking behind me because I feel like someone could be there. I sometimes avoid certain sleeping positions because they feel “safer.”
The thing is, I know these thoughts are irrational. I don’t actually believe someone is hiding there, but I still feel compelled to check repeatedly. Even after checking and seeing that nobody is there, the fear doesn’t really go away. I either check again or force myself to ignore it.
I don’t usually have panic attacks or a racing heart. It’s more like a persistent intrusive thought that keeps coming back.
Has anyone experienced something similar? If so, what did it end up being? OCD, anxiety, hypervigilance, trauma related, or something else? And what helped you get over it?

I’ve read all kinds of retroactive jealousy cases, and none of them talk about my specific scenario.

Most if not all cases always talk about their partners past which essentially is what I’m talking about here, but the problem is her and I were together all through high school until senior year, we broke up for two years and both dated other people and were sexually involved with said people.

We did decide to get back together and we shared that information to each other. I think I buried it for 20 years because it’s now it’s 2026 and this break up happened in 2018, and out of nowhere right after she said yes to becoming my WIFE in November 2025… this 6 month flare of intrusive thoughts have plagued me showing me what they did together and it will not go away! 16 hrs a day. Wake to sleep.

I remember the heartbreak I felt when I found out that she was sleeping with him (he was her bf now DUHHH right?!) but we were still very emotionally attached to each other. We never stopped, loving each other.

She was there to all of each other’s hardships as a child since we were together since we were 14 years old. And we both were extremely attached to each other because we survived together.

It’s not just thinking about my new girlfriend’s past. It’s seeing a timeline of two people who grew up together and attached so hard that makes me feel like someone got MY GIRL… my brain doesn’t compute since we’ve been together so long of these two people are the same and that she’s able to even do that…

why did this show up 20 years later?! and why can’t I separate these timelines in my mind because every time I see what’s happening it’s always the version I have in front of me doing those things 20 years ago. Either way it’s the woman of my dreams since I was a kid and even now, that’s why I’m marrying her.

I was doing the same thing with my partner at the time so logically I know it was OK but my mind doesn’t stop playing it and showing me high definition videos of what I think unfolded and it hurts me deeply every time so it’s like a rolling stack of depression because every time I see it the same pain hits again. She doesn’t judge me for it so how does she live there in that mindset?

I’m sorry for typing so much. It was just hard to give you a reference because most people talk about their new partner’s past, and this was my ORIGINAL partner and my current partner OF 20 YEARS again… these intrusive thoughts and movies playing of her doing all positions and while she’s next to me. It’s just so heartbreaking every time I see them and it thousands of times a day. I just want to be closer to her again like we were three months ago.

What’s the answer to this?? Anyone?? I miss being so close to her when these thoughts weren’t around SO BADLY! 😭

I feel for anyone that’s going through OCD in general. But wouldn’t wish this RJOCD on my worst enemy.

Basically yesterday while at work i helped out an attractive female colleague, i work in parcel delivery and i delivered to somewhere and they gave me a collection that she was meant to collect. later on i saw her van and went to find her so that i could let her scan it in.

i did not have to do this and i could have just taken it back to the office anyway but probably didn’t think of that at the time as i wanted to give it to her.

my ocd has constatly been telling me that i only did this gesture because it was her and wouldn’t if it was anyone else and that i need to tell my gf immediately. can anyone tell me if this is what i should do or if it just my ocd.

Okay so I was told by someone that what I’m experiencing is rocd and I just wanted another opinion :)

I’ll start with where is started a couple years ago with a ex boyfriend of mine who fell out of love with me and strung me along for a while before and after breaking up with me. I was heartbroken and it took me a while to even trust anyone again.

I got into a relationship at the beginning of this year and I’m constantly worried about him losing interest in me. I get regular anxiety about me being too much for him or honestly doing anything that might make him fall out of love with me. We said I love you a while back and I feel like he has been showing less signs of being in love. Rationally I think we are just getting more comfortable with each other so we don’t constantly say “I love you” and we see each other all the time. I just can’t make the anxiety go away.

I’m really not sure if I just have anxiety, because I also experience a lot of stress with friends and family but they don’t feel connected to this. This anxiety feels consuming. I don’t want to break up with him and knowing myself I won’t break up with him until he has actually fallen out of love with me.

But yeah… that’s about it. Is this rocd?

Does anyone else have a fear of being poisoned? It sounds psychotic I know but a couple years back a co worker of mine made me some coffee and I drink some and had a full blown panic attack. I ended up in er where they told me I just had too much caffeine that day (did have about 3 cups before my co worker made me a cup" but my first thought was that I was poisoned for some reason. Now I never leave my food or drinks unintended. Its become a fear of mine.

I listen to this band called the beaches they’re an all girl band and one member is a lesbian and I think she looks cool and pretty but also she is seemingly a masc lesbian. Cause I think she is pretty it makes me think I’m attracted to her and that she’s a lesbian and also dressed masculine that doesn’t help my brain. I’ve even said thoughts of “it doesn’t matter” or testing myself so much and imagining scenarios and making myself uncomfortable since that can be an exposure and it makes me feel like it’s so real. This is my common and most prominent theme. I don’t even know if I have ocd and I feel like I’m using it as an excuse 😔I’m medicated but not in therapy.

I have read that the people who have contamination ocd mostly are washing their hands becuz of the feat that they will get some serious illness or allergy. But when I wash my hand I don't really have these thoughts. I just want to get rid of the dirt or the thing that i think is dirty. Sometimes it's so illogical 😭like if I am around bathroom and I accidentally spoke or had that air in my mouth, ik that once an air is inside you it won't really come out but I will blow air out of my mouth till i feel like yeah okay now I think it is out. And even while washing my hands it's not an easy task I will start first by washing only my hand and then I will feel like my arm got some few drops of water splashed on them. Then I will wash my arm too and then I will feel like I need to wash above my elbows too so now I will wash them and get my sleeves wet too and then I will feel like my shirt got some splash of water too so now I will wet my shirt too and this whole cycle repeats every single time. I tried telling my parents to take me to a psychologist and they think I am doing this all for fun. They scold me when I get my clothes soaking wet but they still don't care enough to take me to psychiatrist why don't they get that this is not normal behaviour. Idk what to do I will be first already wanting cry sometimes becuz of the hand washing process and getting my clothes wet (who even like wearing wet clothes) and then get scolded by them for it.

Sorry It went from asking if I have OCD or not too me ranting my frustrations 😭🙏🏻

Ps :- English is not my first language so pls ignore any mistakes.

In 2013 my father's friend that was at lunch with us pronunced this phrase: "there are those men that feel women, they became what they ARE"

If he Would have pronunced "there are those men that feel women, they became what they FEEL THEY ARE" the phrase Would have been Ok instead...

Why the phrase as how It was pronunced got me obsessed?

\\\\- If you Say: the water become warm, for Logic It means that before that the water was not warm

\\\\- with the phrase about the trans: "there are those men that feel women, that became what they are" It means that before that, those men weren't who they are"..

This last piece of the phrase "before that, those men weren't what they are" my brain force the interpretation ARE= biologically are...So the phrase became like "those men weren't biologically Who they are biologically" so "those men (individuals with dick) werent biologically men...So the phrase sounds like "the individuals with dick arent biologically men". That It Is false, but you know the Classic OCD (what if, what if Is true, the phrase with reverse Logic sounds like that, so if It sounds like that, must be some true in It)....And the OCD continue with its voice (so if those that have dick arent men, those without dicks are men) so if Always thought that those with dicks are men, and I have a dick so I am a man, all that Is false, my inner self that has grown up with the concept that those with dicks are men Is a delusional self, I cant thrust myself, i cant trust my innervoice... With that thoughts in my head, with the thought in particular that my self can be delusional, my brain like a switch turned Dp/dr ON and since 2013 those dissociative symptoms staied chronic...

I Would like to hear your thoughts about my obsession..Thanks

Hey everyone,
I'm struggling really hard right now and I need to know if anyone else has experienced this with OCD.
About a year ago, I went to get a tantric massage. I really wanted to experience it, and during the session, the masseur lay on top of me and there was some kind of sexual context/connection. Right after it happened, I went home and I felt completely fine. Normal.
But later on, I had a massive, terrifying nightmare about this guy. In the nightmare, he was sucking the energy out of me, and l also dreamed that he abused me.
Ever since that dream, my OCD took over. I started overthinking and spiraling out of control. I fully believed my thoughts and the nightmare. It got so bad that I started feeling incredibly "dirty" and filled with intense shame about the whole experience.
My mind kept spiraling, and I was convinced that I will always see the shadow from that nightmare surrounding me. It has completely ruined my view of intimacy-| felt like I could never have sex, kiss, or touch anyone ever again because it will always trigger memories of that nightmare. I feel better now but it really took me some good months to stop having that idea that I was abused..
Is it normal for OCD to make you so spun up that you fully buy into the idea that you were abused? The nightmare felt so real that my brain twisted reality, and now I'm genuinely convinced and terrified that I was abused, even though I felt fine initially. Has anyone else dealt with their brain completely rewriting a memory based on a dream and anxiety?
Thanks for reading.

my shitty ocd keeps telling me to run away from my family and divorce my husband even though i dont really want that! sure are there things that could be more fulfilling in my marriage yes, but i really dont want a divorce but my mind keep repeating “divorce”! anyone else ever had this? just wondering if im alone

I am so confused by real event. My erp therapist seems to want to be moving toward emdr route, but if I'm to blame, generally speaking, why are they suggesting this? And if I do it - and it unlocks something, then it's even more confusing. I can't get closure, everyone thinks I'm a lying bitch already.

That would make everything make so much sense. I never really knew much about OCD, when I was younger I thought it meant obsessive cleaning/germaphobia. Then I was in a hospital with a teenager with OCD who had it really severely to where he had to turn the sink faucet on a certain number of times and would talk to himself constantly. I’d never considered some of the things I do could be OCD.

Here are some of the things i do:

\-count down from ten when doing random tasks
\-repeatedly check doors/windows are locked
\-repeatedly check nothing is left “on” that could burn my house down
\-if I don’t say out loud things like “I am unplugging my straightener” I will doubt myself and have to check again
\- extreme health anxiety, I constantly think I’m dying of cancer
\-extreme health anxiety about my cats, constantly watching them how they breathe, move, eat, use the litterbox etc checking for signs of illness
\- I feel distressed when things are not “in their place”
\- I have to wash my hands after touching pets/communal objects other people have touched
\- I change my clothes between many activities, 2-3x per day
\-laundry every other day
\-I have to keep my electronic files very tidy and orderly or it causes me distress (deleting emails/texts, pictures, apps stuff like that)
\- extreme distress when going out of town, I just got back from a 3 day trip and I had anxiety attacks every day that my cats would die or leaving my AC running was somehow going to burn the house down

Then there are more internal things like:

\- constant rumination about past trauma and people who have done me wrong
\-feeling like I have to make sense of everything that has happened
\-replaying conversations over and over in my head with endless scenarios that will likely never happen
\- I will get stuck in negative thought loops for hours until I become so exhausted I have to force myself to think about a “nice” thought to push the bad thoughts away…

I’m sure there’s more but that’s off the top of my head. Can anyone relate? Does this sound like OCD?

Honestly I’m starting to feel relieved that there may be an explanation for these things I’ve been dealing with my whole life. Because now I can get help for it.

My OCD gets worse before my period.

​

I have contamination OCD, and I seem to get more scared of touching dirty objects and clutter before my period. Sometimes it gets bad enough that I start doing more compulsions, can it reinforce them?

im about to be a senior in high school and I don’t want to go the rest of my life with this trait. Since it started in freshman year it has slowly gone up and done. I used to only wash my hands and then be done with it but now I have to shower at least 3 times until I feel clean again. It’s not everyone that triggers me to feel dirty but only certain people that I don’t like or find annoying. I don’t feel as bothered when I’m contaminated however I can’t stop like seeing or remembering who touched what. It’s really draining and I just want to go back to when I was younger when I didn’t even think about this